To be quite shocked at how some people speak to their kids?

[IndiaGrace]

Today I went to the shops. DD was in nursery so it was a very rare child free outing.

Shopping centre is located in nearest city, in what is quite a rough area but it obviously attracts shoppers from miles around.

I lost count of the number of (presumably) parents I heard speaking in really nasty ways to their kids. I'm not talking losing the rag and telling them off. I mean one woman hissing "shut up and leave me alone" to a wee girl in a trolley who must have been about 3 or 4. Another one saying to her small son "you're so annoying just stop talking" - a few examples of this. "Stop asking me for Stuff, you're doing my nut in" etc.

Now I understand that tempers get frayed. It was busy, people are fraught. Sometimes when my DD (who is two and tries my patience plenty) is yammering away when I'm trying to concentrate, I resist the urge to tell her "shhh" and if there are times I do need to tell her to be quiet, I will gently say "shh, you need to be quiet now" but it would never occur to me to nastily tell her to shut up or to leave me alone etc.

I suffer from very low self esteem, have done all my life, and I'm determined my DD will not grow up to feel the same way. This might be colouring my view as to why I feel so strongly. Is it as big a deal as I think it is? Or am I being over sensitive about it?

This is something I have noticed a lot since DD came along. It really gets my back up. I wouldn't say anything though. Generally they don't tend to look like the kind of people to respond well to that kind of confrontation.

I didn't know there were nurseries who opened on bank holidays, how much do they pay the staff to give up their entitlement to have bank holidays off?!

Lots of people work bank holidays. They probably don't even get any extra money, people don't where I work.

I think shouting 'shut up' is awful, I have seen it shouted at kids, close up to their face, through gritted teeth. I have heard parents say "you are a spoilt little brat" in public with such sustain in their voice and have seen lots of aggressive shouting at toddlers and it makes me so uncomfortable.

I don't think 'we have all had bad days' is an acceptable excuse. Yes we get stressed, yes sometimes toddlers don't stop talking and can get on our bloomin nerves. But if you talk to your child with sustain and disrespect, they will learn that is ok, and more than likely talk to you like a piece of crap when they are teenagers, and their teachers anyone in authority etc

There is nothing wrong with in a stern voice saying:
"Josh don't interrupt, I'm talking"
"Emily stop asking for sweets, the answer is NO"
"Jake I have asked you three times, if you do that again we are leaving"

But getting in your toddler's face, being aggressive and shouting "will you just shut up!" In just not nice.

And when you look at these parents they are not the lovely parents having a bad day, we can all recognise that, they don't even look that stressed, it's just the language they some have adopted within their parenting style.

HeeHigh what's wrong with the word kid??

I think sometimes parents feel more uptight in public.

i think YABU slightly. Its very hard not to speak to your kids like this on occassion. Not everyone is perfect. Its dependant on the bigger picture which you will not see in five mins in a supermarket.
I love my son very much but on a few occassions i have said innappropriate things to him like 'just shut up' or 'go away' and he is only 2.
Obviously im aware its wrong and make every effort not to speak to him that way but its hard raising a toddler and sometimes that does happen. I would never judge anyone i heard speaking like that in passing because they may be having a very bad day.

There are some things that are completely unnacceptable ever but your list of things you overheard doesnt seem to contain any of those. It just seems to be people making comments that are more irritable than they should be.

I did once see a mum on a bus with a girl of about 4 who had a bad cough. The mum yelled "will you fucking stop fucking coughing!?" That shocked me. Even though I know how annoying endless coughing can be, saying that to a child is pretty bad. But I agree with some PPs it's the aggression and nastiness that's the most upsetting part.

Solo nursery places have to be paid for regardless of whether you send your child or not

I think there's a difference between getting in your childs face and shouting shut up and simply shouting it, which is what most people were talking about.
Not all teenagers will talk to you disrespectfully just because you've told them to shut up once or twice

I think shopping with children is stressful, sometimes extremely stressful. We are also at the end of the school holidays, so children are perhaps getting bored of being off school, parents have had a couple of weeks paying out for activities/days out which adds to the feeling of exhaustion and frustration with the dc.
Not all children are able to behave while shopping and some (my ds) need to be told quite firmly to stop talking (probably several times) and stop messing around and playing up before it drives me to absolute breaking point.
I also think you are very lucky you have the option of using formal childcare while you do your shopping and housework. Not everyone has that option available to them for whatever reason (maybe financial in a lot of cases).

Sometimes I catch myself and think "Oh god that sounded awful!" Normally when we've had a dreadful day and I'm trying to cook dinner and I've absolutely had enough. I never ever swear at my kids but if I do speak in a harsh tone or snap at them I'll always apologise and explain mummy just feels a bit tired and cross at the moment. We're all human.

You have 1 child that is 2... and alreade goes to nursery most of the week. You have no idea love, you have it all in store. :-) Have another 1 or 2, parent full time, then let's see how Judgey McJudgeson you are.

A mum in the car park next to me today called her daughter a 'little shit'. She was about 6 and had dropped something on the slightly damp floor.

We are all human and sometimes children need discipline and boundaries, sometimes we get stressed and snap.

However some parents are shit parents and abusive. If a parent is getting into the child's face, being aggressive, swearing at their child it isn't the child's fault

Once in a crowded area outside a children activity place, where parents and kids were dressing/undressing with winter clothes and so on, a dad screamed "I will pull off your pants and spank you right here if you don't stop now". There was an immediate dramatic hush over the place. It was horrible.

YANBU. It's not even just to children- when you are in public, you should behave accordingly.

OP wasn't talking about aggression or swearing though. Apparently ssshhing is showing disdain now.

I was THAT parent today. DS doesn't shut up. NOT.FOR.A.SECOND. We honestly had a lovely day. Then in the afternoon I needed to do the dreaded food shopping. DS didn't particularly fancy that. I was patient for the first 15 minutes of HIM.WANTING.EVERY.FUCKING.THING.HE.SAW
He was also continuously whining that he wanted to leave.
Then my phone rang. Work related stuff.
Then I lost my shit.
I didn't shout or tell him to fuck off but I was pretty stern.
I bet there was a whole bunch of perfect parents there, judging me on my obvious lack of love or respect for my lovely boy.
Fuck that.
In short: YABU

Ah the holier than thou joys of being a mum to one (I have 4 ). They are gorgeous! I try very hard 24/7 to never be rude to my children but I've said all of the above on numerous occasions (although I do try to keep my voice down so judgemental mums like you don't overhear).

Right, the nursery thing.

I work three days per week. DD goes to nursery on those days. She loves it.

Today my office was closed (the only bank holiday it closes for). I decided to put DD into nursery anyway because the house was a bomb site (like most people I find it hard to get housework done while looking after a toddler) and I had no Easter eggs. I was paying for the nursery place regardless of whether she was there or not. Also I felt she's better there than trailing round the shops with me. But we do plenty of shopping together on my non-working days and at weekends.

I am not a stay at home mum who has the means to put her child into nursery when I fancy it so that I don't have to spend any time with her.

u wanna come round hear then

ive heard stfu u silly brat etc and expletives loads of times

You don't have to justify yourself, OP.

I wish I could put my kids in nursery whilst I go to the shops, they are too old now!

It's not nice being judged on a snapshot, is it, India?

It's not about telling them to be quiet on occasion, or telling them to behave. Or sometimes feeling exasperated with them and stressed out.

It's about snarling horrible things into their faces when they're 2 and 3 years old and don't know any better.

Yeah coz putting your child into nursery is the same as snarling "shut up" into their face.

Mrs tumbletap I agree with every word of your post.

Yes good parents have bad days and yes people sometimes lose the plot. I couldn't use the phrase "shut up" to either of my children any more than I could call them names.