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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be quite shocked at how some people speak to their kids?

404 replies

IndiaGrace · 14/04/2017 18:44

Today I went to the shops. DD was in nursery so it was a very rare child free outing.

Shopping centre is located in nearest city, in what is quite a rough area but it obviously attracts shoppers from miles around.

I lost count of the number of (presumably) parents I heard speaking in really nasty ways to their kids. I'm not talking losing the rag and telling them off. I mean one woman hissing "shut up and leave me alone" to a wee girl in a trolley who must have been about 3 or 4. Another one saying to her small son "you're so annoying just stop talking" - a few examples of this. "Stop asking me for Stuff, you're doing my nut in" etc.

Now I understand that tempers get frayed. It was busy, people are fraught. Sometimes when my DD (who is two and tries my patience plenty) is yammering away when I'm trying to concentrate, I resist the urge to tell her "shhh" and if there are times I do need to tell her to be quiet, I will gently say "shh, you need to be quiet now" but it would never occur to me to nastily tell her to shut up or to leave me alone etc.

I suffer from very low self esteem, have done all my life, and I'm determined my DD will not grow up to feel the same way. This might be colouring my view as to why I feel so strongly. Is it as big a deal as I think it is? Or am I being over sensitive about it?

This is something I have noticed a lot since DD came along. It really gets my back up. I wouldn't say anything though. Generally they don't tend to look like the kind of people to respond well to that kind of confrontation.

OP posts:
MargotLovedTom1 · 14/04/2017 19:35

Wellies - no, having more than one child doesn't give you a free pass to be disrespectful and rude, but it does give you a million more opportunities to be frazzled and harassed.

Cantusethatname · 14/04/2017 19:35

Personally I think 'stop asking me for stuff, it's doing my nut in', is perfectly fine! I've said similar (half joking but half not) myself. How is that abusive?

It's not, in itself. It's the tone of voice, isn't it? If as an adult listening you feel a bit intimidated by the tone, how must it be for a small child? It's how often those kind of things are said, as well.

farfarawayfromhome · 14/04/2017 19:35

YANBU I hear this kind of thing and despair.

SoloDance · 14/04/2017 19:35

Another I'm a better parent then everyone else thread.

Yawn.

SoloDance · 14/04/2017 19:36

Than. This place needs an edit function.

WaitroseCoffeeCostaCup · 14/04/2017 19:37

Always the people with no children or one very young child that think they know absolutely everything about parenting. Tedious.

Cantusethatname · 14/04/2017 19:37

Why shouldn't the OP aspire to be a better parent than some she sees?

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 14/04/2017 19:38

Having more than one child doesn't mean you can treat them badly, a teacher has a class of thirty and manages.

Perhaps if people can't have more than one child without having to resort to treating them like that they should have stopped at one.

Branleuse · 14/04/2017 19:39

I think YABU, youve seen a tiny snapshot of their day. Maybe the child was actually being really fucking annoying?

Parents are only human, and fallible. Give it a few more years or a few more kids and it may well be you hissing at your child

SoloDance · 14/04/2017 19:39

Yes stop those rough types from having children.

KERALA1 · 14/04/2017 19:40

I agree too. I was never spoken to that way and neither are my dc. Sad.

Dagnabit · 14/04/2017 19:40

Oh here we go, OP uses a nursery to do a bit of shopping and housework and gets criticised. Get a life. Our old nursery was open on a Good Friday and we used it for dd so we could have some couple time shoot us now and when she started school, we used it for ds so we could have time with dd.

Anyway, back to the thread...I do think some parents treat their kids like crap but I prefer to think they're in the minority. I tell my dc to shut it from time to time...sometimes I lose my temper and shout...no one is perfect.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/04/2017 19:40

Especially when you are the parent of an SN child, and have had to deal with the X amount of meltdowns that day, starting at 5, plus a young child who is demanding, on very little sleep. Some very judgey people on here. I thought op was going to talk about parents swearing at their children, or saying something like "shut up you little cunt" type thing, not "be quiet your doing my nut in" seeesh!

LittleLionMansMummy · 14/04/2017 19:41

I find that I was infinitely more patient with 6yo ds before dd (5 months) came along. I still think I do ok on the whole and certainly would never swear at him or call him names. But I have been very exasperated on occasions, snapped at him to stop interrupting, told him to stop asking for things, been a bit too critical etc on a bad day. I also massively build him up though and tell him what he does that's good, helpful, that he's the best big brother dd could wish for (he really is - she adores him) and that he's the best thing that's ever happened to me. Some days I'm not proud of myself at all and some evenings it makes me cry if we've had a bad day and he's repeatedly not listened to me and I've snapped at him a lot. Sleep deprivation can also make parents behave in a way they wouldn't normally. Ds goes to bed with a story and a snuggle and knows exactly how much he's cherished.

I do wince when I hear some of the things kids hear though.

HeeHighls · 14/04/2017 19:42

When a child who should have been cared for slipped," Gerrup yer clumsy git."

That's how they speak in public and the female doesn't turn a hair. Normal behaviour at home.

SoloDance · 14/04/2017 19:42

Maybe if we could all afford to send out kids to nursery while we went shopping they wouldn't get on our wick so much.

dunnodunnodunno · 14/04/2017 19:44

Obviously people shouldn't speak horribly to their DC. No-brainer. But you come across as judgemental, sanctimonious and smug, so maybe you should take a good look at yourself before criticising people around you.

AyUpMiDuck · 14/04/2017 19:44

YANBU.
Its heartbreaking to hear how some people talk to their children in public - insulting them and blaming them and calling them names. Your examples weren't worded that strongly but if the message was delivered in a menacing way then, IMO, they will be raising a generation of angry kids in their own image.

We all get frazzled but we can still choose to discipline small children without resorting to abusive language.

Littlecaf · 14/04/2017 19:45

We were out today at a National Trust place with tens of other naice families doing their Easter Egg hunt. DS (2) was being very techy. Not tantruming but a PITA. Both DP & I at one point said "oh for god sake" or "no means no" in an exasperated raised voice at him. I know there were others judging us: one grandma aged woman with grandchildren in tow actually tutted. Yes, I was embarrassed (no swearing or name calling) but they saw a snapshot of our day. We had a lovely time on the beach after and paddling in the sea & when we got home he played really well in the garden.

YABU

NoFuckingRoomOnMyBroom · 14/04/2017 19:48

The snapshot thing is far from 'silly' Hmm You have absolutely no idea about the kind of day that parent has had, what ridiculous time they might have got up, how many times they've been asked how many sleeps to the easter bunny? Can I have X,Y,Z? How many miles is round the earth? How many miles to space? How many miles to the moon? Why do we trump? Does anybody actually have black coloured eyes?

MistressPage · 14/04/2017 19:48

I am 100% with you OP. I hate seeing parents speaking with contempt or derision to their kids. I don't care how stressed you are you are the adult and it's a shit way to behave and awful behaviour to model to little ones. I would never tell my toddler to shut up or go away. I wonder what's the matter with people!

Sweets101 · 14/04/2017 19:50

Tbh OP DC are more of a delight when you get to pop them into nursery for a few hours whilst you do a bit of shopping and housework.
I think it is ok to tell children to pack it in sometimes. Necessary even!
But, you do hear some adults speaking horribly to children. Not often, but it does happen. I hate hearing adults swearing at children.

kimann · 14/04/2017 19:50

Yabu because you do not know what sort of day those parents have had. Ya(also) being U to judge them. In a perfect world I would like to think all parents would be nice and lovely to their children, even if their children were being difficult. It's not a perfect world though OP and good on you if you are permanently happy and lovely to your little one. I wish I could say the same but I can't and I won't lie - my toddler gets on my nerves daily - I hide in the toilet sometimes with my 7 month old just so I can get a few minutes away from her. I have on occasion told her to go away (once or twice I think) when I have been at the end of my tether.

Yanbu to wish that everyone was as lovely as you seem to be with your little one. She's still very young though and you don't know what is going to happen in a few years - once she can talk back.

SoloDance · 14/04/2017 19:51

Dear god , the sanctimommys have arrived.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/04/2017 19:52

nutty I would not be happy if a teacher spoke to my child like that, but you are a teacher, and are paid professional, you are not the child's parents. Carry on being ever so perfect!

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