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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get pissed off with the clique at my exercise class?

200 replies

HarrietKettleWasHere · 14/04/2017 13:49

Okay, firstly this is lighthearted. I am well aware it is a first world problem. It's more of a pondering about human behaviour than anything else...

I do a barre-concept class every week. It's not at a studio or anywhere fancy (we don't even have a 'barre' but just use the wall) but at the local leisure centre. I enjoy it. There's a group of women who take it VERY SERIOUSLY. These are women in their 40s/50s. They are very pally with the instructor, if she's running even two min late they will stand in the front and offer to lead the class, wear designer gear (I mean they make a real effort with their appearance, hair and make up is done too) and 'save spaces' for each other.

My main bugbear is it's like they think they are still the 'cool girls' at school. The first time I went I grabbed a space and a woman says 'sorry but my friend usually stands there and she's running late'. I ignored her and the class started. The latecomer runs in. Woman next to me goes 'Lisa I saved you a space but this lady seems to have taken it, sorry!' Lisa huffily takes a space somewhere else.

There was an extra class today as it's a bank holiday so I went along. Exact same class as I go to every Saturday. One woman ( a regular) goes 'are you new? I have NEVER seen you before!' I said 'this is my 6th class', and she exclaims 'are you sure? I've never noticed you before!'

I just said 'I don't usually make a big thing about it, I just turn up'. She just made a comment about hoping I could 'keep up' with the class...

I still keep at it because it's a nice work out but I cringe all the way though the class at the clique. Lots of newcomers have come and not been back as it's not incredibly welcoming. It seems to be a minefield knowing where you are 'allowed' to stand and what colour weights are the preferred ones of the clique.

AIBU to think some people never grow out of the mindset of being at secondary school and part of the 'in crowd'? One lady who joined a week or so ago was complimented by one of the regulars on her water-container. She absolutely gushed her thanks, you'd think she'd just been told she was in line for a Nobel prize.

I don't have colleagues (nanny/pa) and no children so no 'school gate' experiences exactly, so I think it's just been a long time since I've been in any kind of environment where people are just thrown together. I just find it strange I guess. I thought all the cliqueness and being part of the cool gang got left behind long ago. I just want to do my class without listening to the tinkly laughs and the 'in-jokes' and worrying about where I can bloody stand!

OP posts:
QuinoaKeen · 15/04/2017 04:20

This thread has made me realise how much I love my gym.
When the doors open there is always a race for THE BACK of the class.
No one wants to be seen at the front Grin. We're all hopeless, but are improving.

kelpeed · 15/04/2017 04:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

N0tNowBernard · 15/04/2017 08:04

For those saying OP should have moved, I don't think she should have at all and did exactly the right thing.
If this is their social outlet then then should just wait for each other in the changing rooms before going in the class if one of the "Original ladies" is late.
The reason they don't is because they think they own the place and want to bagsy certain spots.
You snooze, you lose!! {pirouettes off}

KittyandTeal · 15/04/2017 08:14

Omg I went to a step class just like this for a while. My fave was a permanent Confused

I actually relished it as extra entertainment. It was hilarious how they all vied for the instructors attention (she also had one of those headset microphone things which was funny enough on its own)

My step class became a regular discussion/reporting amounts my friends. They were most put out when I started running instead.

N0tNowBernard · 15/04/2017 08:19

Also, people thinking that just because they've been going there longer gives them more privileges than a newcomer is just wrong!

MrsWinklepicker · 15/04/2017 08:52

I had an outrageous experience yesterday....I did a class that I've never done before as I usually work on a Friday.... it was horrifically cliquey and I sniggered to myself throughout the class at them taking themselves so seriously and all their in-jokes and overfamiliarity with the instructor... anyway on the way out of the class, one of them came over to me and started chatting, she said she hoped I'd enjoyed the class and that I wasn't put off by the regulars as they'd been coming for years....really nice she was, absolutely outrageous Smile

I will continue to snigger to myself though, at people who wear gloves or boxing glove strapping to non-contact boxing fitness classes (like body combat), plonkers.

HooAteMyCheese · 15/04/2017 08:57

Well I've never been so glad to stick o my home video exercise. Can't be owing with all his 'my space' nonsense.

Talkin do you have his special arrangement with he consent of he instructor? Because if you do, you should have a notice telling people that the two corner spots are solely for you and your friend as you are helping the instructorwith the class.

If you are not, and just self designated, then you sound very pompous and completely bonkers.

problembottom · 15/04/2017 09:13

Reminds me of the Body Attack classes at my old Virgin gym. The instructor was a complete twat, the front half of the class were her clique and the rest of us might have been dead! The place saving, showing off and one upmanship was insane.

They had routine modifications the rest of us hadn't been taught which always used to throw you and there were a couple of times the instructor was hung over so she just stood there and said ah it's fine my girls know the routine, rest of you follow them!

There was another instructor who did the class, sadly at times not as convenient for me. The clique would be there and try to talk to him and he used to tell them to shut up and concentrate on the class. Loved him!

propertypriceguide · 15/04/2017 10:13

I would love to have Ta1kin in my classes, fab to have a couple of other people apart from the instructor who know what they are doing so that you can follow them.

I choose to stand at the back and always have as would hate people looking at me but the downside is that I can't always see the instructor so great to have others to follow. If you go regularly you usually stand in roughly the same position anyhow as most people are creatures of habit and will like front, middle or back.

Agree re people wearing gloves to BodyCombat! Grin

Arkhamasylum · 15/04/2017 10:44

Saving spaces? That's awful! It's difficult enough walking into an established class without the risk that you'll be told that one of the participants not only doesn't want to stand next to you, but thinks that she has the right to tell you to move! How unwelcoming. I would be tempted to leave, but tell the instructor why - her 'original ladies' are a set of arseholes.

HooAteMyCheese · 15/04/2017 10:47

Judgin by the goings on at these gym classes, is there also a chance that there are those who believe that they have perfected all the moves Hmm, but others disagree? So whilst the 'experts' are hoping to show others how it's done, the newbies are hoping they would clear out of the way so they can get a clear view of the instructor they've paid for Grin

EastMidsMummy · 15/04/2017 11:12

I don't get this stuff about 'cliques' at all. Surely what these people are is friends.

Yes, you don't have to give up a good spot to accommodate them, but if they want to chat or stand together, who gives a fuck??

dowhatnow · 15/04/2017 11:26

I do like standing in the same spot but that's because it helps my dreadful coordination when the copying angles are always the same etc but we wouldn't dream of actually saving the spaces.

Just laugh at them

Ta1kinPeace · 15/04/2017 16:34

HooAte
Why are you so chippy?
Of course there is no "special arrangement" FFS we all pay the same membership fees.
But the teachers like to have competent people in the corners so that everybody can watch from any angle.
If I'm working then somebody else stands there that day.
Yes, I chat to the instructors. I've known some of them for 15 years. It would be rude not to.

MadMags · 15/04/2017 16:46

What class do you do Peace?!

Ta1kinPeace · 15/04/2017 16:52

Yoga and variants, LBT and Pump when I get the chance (I'm at the back for Pump though!!)

Floggingmolly · 15/04/2017 16:53

That's gobsmacking, peace! Grin. Were you specially selected for the role? Or given the fact that you say there's no "special arrangement" at all, does the teacher even realise you've taken it on?
It seems to evolved somewhat from your initial post of I have my favourite bit of the floor...

Ta1kinPeace · 15/04/2017 16:55

Grin What is gobsmacking about anything I have typed ?

SuperFlyHigh · 15/04/2017 17:12

I'd personally make a PA comment about how I wasn't moving for anyone and face their wrath but I'm bad-ass like that Wink

Have never really encountered this, I did find one Zumba class I did a bit like this but the instructor and the regulars pissed me off after a while (a mix of Bollywood etc why not do those classes?!) so I left.

I'd also if the regulars were taking up front spots like Hoo says I'd ask the instructor clearly (preferably in front of the rest of the class if it was ok I stood at the front as I wanted to see how the moves were properly done").

I have this slightly with my current yoga class, it's ok but they all know each other and socialise with each other outside of the class and are 10-15 years younger than me! They're very pleasant and invite me for drinks after class at the local bar but it's a tad cliquey.

SuperFlyHigh · 15/04/2017 17:14

Peace with all due respect, decent instructors don't do as you've stated to have their favourites to stand and the lesser beings copy you...

SuperFlyHigh · 15/04/2017 17:15

Flogging two words "teacher's pet" or else peace and her cronies like to think they are the teacher's pet... Hmm

SuperFlyHigh · 15/04/2017 17:17

I think it's time for this very funny Crazy Ex Girlfriend yoga sketch... Only on a yoga forum once I found they were put out this video had been done and didn't find it amusing at all! Grin

m.youtube.com/watch?v=wFUk79fBOiQ

longlostpal · 15/04/2017 17:18

I kind of don't see a huge problem with this. Just a group of friends going to an exercise class together. I wouldn't tell someone else to move in a class like that, but if someone told me they were saving a space for a friend, I wouldn't be bothered. Lots of people wear fancy exercise clothes, it's a fashionable thing these days (beyonce's fashion line, sweaty betty etc). Complimenting someone on their water bottle and thanking someone for the compliment... non-issue. As for offering to lead the class... that is definitely cringey and hilarious but would also not offend me (I might gently suggest we wait for the teacher to arrive if she actually started giving instructions!). Personally, I think the OP may be overthinking this stuff.

Deploycharitygoats · 15/04/2017 17:21

Back when I did Zumba, there used to be a scrum to be at the back Grin

I may have accidentally been part of a clique in adult beginner ballet class. Three of us in one corner were called Cursey Corner by the teacher, because we were usually cursing our collective shitness under our breath. Really, we were irredeemably bad.

deaddeadgood · 15/04/2017 17:28

This thread reminds me of the sad cliques in my Finnieston body pump class!! 10 years of watching them save places and side eye mere mortals!