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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get pissed off with the clique at my exercise class?

200 replies

HarrietKettleWasHere · 14/04/2017 13:49

Okay, firstly this is lighthearted. I am well aware it is a first world problem. It's more of a pondering about human behaviour than anything else...

I do a barre-concept class every week. It's not at a studio or anywhere fancy (we don't even have a 'barre' but just use the wall) but at the local leisure centre. I enjoy it. There's a group of women who take it VERY SERIOUSLY. These are women in their 40s/50s. They are very pally with the instructor, if she's running even two min late they will stand in the front and offer to lead the class, wear designer gear (I mean they make a real effort with their appearance, hair and make up is done too) and 'save spaces' for each other.

My main bugbear is it's like they think they are still the 'cool girls' at school. The first time I went I grabbed a space and a woman says 'sorry but my friend usually stands there and she's running late'. I ignored her and the class started. The latecomer runs in. Woman next to me goes 'Lisa I saved you a space but this lady seems to have taken it, sorry!' Lisa huffily takes a space somewhere else.

There was an extra class today as it's a bank holiday so I went along. Exact same class as I go to every Saturday. One woman ( a regular) goes 'are you new? I have NEVER seen you before!' I said 'this is my 6th class', and she exclaims 'are you sure? I've never noticed you before!'

I just said 'I don't usually make a big thing about it, I just turn up'. She just made a comment about hoping I could 'keep up' with the class...

I still keep at it because it's a nice work out but I cringe all the way though the class at the clique. Lots of newcomers have come and not been back as it's not incredibly welcoming. It seems to be a minefield knowing where you are 'allowed' to stand and what colour weights are the preferred ones of the clique.

AIBU to think some people never grow out of the mindset of being at secondary school and part of the 'in crowd'? One lady who joined a week or so ago was complimented by one of the regulars on her water-container. She absolutely gushed her thanks, you'd think she'd just been told she was in line for a Nobel prize.

I don't have colleagues (nanny/pa) and no children so no 'school gate' experiences exactly, so I think it's just been a long time since I've been in any kind of environment where people are just thrown together. I just find it strange I guess. I thought all the cliqueness and being part of the cool gang got left behind long ago. I just want to do my class without listening to the tinkly laughs and the 'in-jokes' and worrying about where I can bloody stand!

OP posts:
FrancisCrawford · 14/04/2017 15:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fairweather123 · 14/04/2017 15:45

I could have written this! :)

Another one here that hates this kind of crap! I do group exercise at various leisure centres because I can't stand using the machines at a gym. I find it amusing, strange, bewildering how women like the ones you've described behave like this and every class I've done has its own clique! They save spaces for each other in prime positions at the front of the class and near the fans, they grab the best mats, weights etc for each other. They have smart work out gear and hair and make up done! It's an exercise class FFS!

Tbh I found it's far worse in Surburbia.

Megabeth · 14/04/2017 15:48

YANBU
I attend Zumba and some people always occupy the front row because they're confident dancers and it's quite helpful to be able to see them. I always try to get new people nearer the front so they can follow the instuctor better.

There's no cliqueyness there but I've been to some Les Mills classes where the instructor had her little crowd of followers and would sometimes mock new people on her Facebook page.

My friend joined a class where the instructor was very harsh, she had her gaggle of regulars and if a new person couldn't follow the moves she would laugh at them.

Floggingmolly · 14/04/2017 15:50

I'm just gobsmacked that in a class full of complete strangers (initially, at least) you get a whole load of them feeling the need to form a little subset in the first place.

Why? I get that you're always going to gel more with some people than others, but most classes aren't exactly social at all? You're supposed to be concentrating on something, not giggling in corners.
Strongly suspect I wouldn't make the cut in any of them...

ShitIForgotToUntick · 14/04/2017 15:51

and one of them is left with the black ones, the rest of the group point and have a big laugh and say 'loser!' at her for having plain weights confused WTAF!

I think you should invest in your own weights OP. Bright pink, maybe decorate with rhinestones. In fact go one better and turn up in 80's style exercise gear like high cut leotards, leg warmers and a sweatshirt that says 'numero uno'. You'll give them gossip fodder for weeks, they might even copy you Grin.

LadyPW · 14/04/2017 15:55

So she said she saved a spot for her friend next to her and you totally ignored her? Why were you so rude? Was there nowhere else for you to stand?
Seriously?! It's standing on a floor ffs! Besides, if you want a particular spot you get there earlier, you don't throw a hissy fit..... Hmm

Fluffycloudland77 · 14/04/2017 15:57

I had a clique like this at my old gym. Surprisingly I never made any friends there, I never even learnt a name in two years Grin

Perma tanned bunny boiler & blue eye shadow die hard were my favourite ones. Always at the front. No idea how mental their cliquey behaviour made them appear.

cherrytree63 · 14/04/2017 16:00

Get in early and put whoopee cushions under their mats.

Bantanddec · 14/04/2017 16:13

I had a similar problem at spin, apparently I was sat on "Andrea's bike" (there was like 20 other bikes and I'd already adjusted my seat)

We'll Andrea if you snooze, you lose!

ARumWithAView · 14/04/2017 16:25

The instructor indulges them unfortunately. She calls them her 'original ladies' as in 'shout out to my original ladies showing us how it's done!'

Ooohh, this is a mistake! I used to teach EFL to adults, and it's so tempting to get like this when you have a few students who've been in your class for ages, know the drill, can be relied on to lead etc etc...

It starts off all 'shout out to my original ladies', then you realise they're being overbearing and putting newer students off, and then you try to reign them in, and THEN the shit hits the fan. They usually think they're basically teaching the class. Watch out for a coup: you'll go in one day and one of the original ladies will be leading the class. The instructor will have disappeared, never to be spoken of again.

FrancisCrawford · 14/04/2017 16:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

The80sweregreat · 14/04/2017 16:27

snap, its a thing at exercise classes i think..

FrancisCrawford · 14/04/2017 16:27

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/04/2017 16:30

OMG Megabeth what dreadful instructors, no wonder people are put off exercise. Nobody will want to go to their class.

SuperPug · 14/04/2017 16:34

Had the same thing in a dance class. Wish I'd ignored the woman who said the same thing to me. You can have friends in a class while not being a cow to other people.
It's a little pathetic how some people don't grow out of this behaviour. Best to ignore or call them out on it.
If you like the class in general is it worth mentioning this to the instructor?

ChemistryGeek · 14/04/2017 16:40

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

evilharpy · 14/04/2017 16:51

I only ever really bother with spin classes and have never ever seen any cliqueyness in any gym I've gone to. Everyone is always quite friendly and no new person ever seems to have to wait long before someone offers to help them set up their bike.

Bantanddec I was surprised you said that as it's the opposite of my experience.

Pilates was quite the opposite though.

KoolKoala07 · 14/04/2017 16:51

I hate this at classes. There's always that super enthusiastic, know it all member/s of the class who is/are chummy with the instructor. This is why I'm reluctant to join classes.

Ellapaella · 14/04/2017 16:56

This is my old Zumba class! There was a group who would always stand at the front desperate to get a comment from the Zumba instructor, whooping and shrieking 'Zumba!' at every opportunity in their matching Zumba outfits. It was hilarious. The teacher would every now and then pull some of the non clique out to the front and then you'd be in for death stares from the clique forever more. There was a Facebook page as well which they would all fawn all over the Zumba teacher on - really cringey.

Atenco · 14/04/2017 17:01

Thank you ForTheSakeOfFuck. I love your way of doing things, even if you are crap at ballet.

Runny · 14/04/2017 17:05

Is anyone else playing spot the meal girls on this thread? Wink. On what planet is it acceptable to tell someone to move so their friend can stand in the same place?

Oh there are a clique of women like this at my gym. 40 plus, expensive sports gear, full make up, always tanned etc. Attend all of the classes and stand together, giggling and flirting with the trainers who are yiung enough to be their son and in some instances grandson, bantering with them during classes.

I find them pathetic. Obviously have nothing else going on in their sad little lives.

The majority of people are really nice though.

Evelight · 14/04/2017 17:14

Ugh this is the reason why stopped going to my local yoga studio (plus being lazy and skint) There was this cheery group of women, and men, actually, who obviously knew each other quite well and socialized outside the class, also including some of the instructors, and before and after class really felt like a party you had NOT being invited to. It's not that anybody was obviously rude or bossing you around like in OP's situation, just the general air of being an outsider among a very obviously insider group. Lots of chatter, plan-making, see you at xxx... - amazing what could be done in the 5-10 min before and after class. Absolutely no malicious intent I am sure, and I am aware that IWBU to complain about it- just I didn't find it a welcoming place for outsider.

Evelight · 14/04/2017 17:15

These days I do yoga with with a CD or just without- I know the basic stretches by now, and honestly far more relaxing and cheap than hauling myself to a studio. Though in fairness, doing yoga with a good instructor to help "adjust" you really does make a difference.

Original poster
HarrietKettleWasHere · 14/04/2017 17:22

I haven't even tried the yoga classes. They might be worse.

The body-balance ones seem fine. I am sure the clique would see that as a bit 'hybrid' and beneath them as I've never seen any of them at that one. (It's a mash up of barre, Pilates, and tai chi I think. Maybe a bit of yoga? Anyway it's good for beginners as there's not too much focus on one thing so if you can't get it you just wait for the next bit)

OP posts:
Andylion · 14/04/2017 17:22

A few pps have suggested talking to the instructor. I was going to post that the instructor can't do much more than announce that spaces can't be saved. Then I saw this:
The instructor indulges them unfortunately. She calls them her 'original ladies' as in 'shout out to my original ladies showing us how it's done!'
She doesn't sound very welcoming or inclusive at all. It would serve her right if everyone but the clique dropped out. I wonder how long she'd last if only they attended?