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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get pissed off with the clique at my exercise class?

200 replies

HarrietKettleWasHere · 14/04/2017 13:49

Okay, firstly this is lighthearted. I am well aware it is a first world problem. It's more of a pondering about human behaviour than anything else...

I do a barre-concept class every week. It's not at a studio or anywhere fancy (we don't even have a 'barre' but just use the wall) but at the local leisure centre. I enjoy it. There's a group of women who take it VERY SERIOUSLY. These are women in their 40s/50s. They are very pally with the instructor, if she's running even two min late they will stand in the front and offer to lead the class, wear designer gear (I mean they make a real effort with their appearance, hair and make up is done too) and 'save spaces' for each other.

My main bugbear is it's like they think they are still the 'cool girls' at school. The first time I went I grabbed a space and a woman says 'sorry but my friend usually stands there and she's running late'. I ignored her and the class started. The latecomer runs in. Woman next to me goes 'Lisa I saved you a space but this lady seems to have taken it, sorry!' Lisa huffily takes a space somewhere else.

There was an extra class today as it's a bank holiday so I went along. Exact same class as I go to every Saturday. One woman ( a regular) goes 'are you new? I have NEVER seen you before!' I said 'this is my 6th class', and she exclaims 'are you sure? I've never noticed you before!'

I just said 'I don't usually make a big thing about it, I just turn up'. She just made a comment about hoping I could 'keep up' with the class...

I still keep at it because it's a nice work out but I cringe all the way though the class at the clique. Lots of newcomers have come and not been back as it's not incredibly welcoming. It seems to be a minefield knowing where you are 'allowed' to stand and what colour weights are the preferred ones of the clique.

AIBU to think some people never grow out of the mindset of being at secondary school and part of the 'in crowd'? One lady who joined a week or so ago was complimented by one of the regulars on her water-container. She absolutely gushed her thanks, you'd think she'd just been told she was in line for a Nobel prize.

I don't have colleagues (nanny/pa) and no children so no 'school gate' experiences exactly, so I think it's just been a long time since I've been in any kind of environment where people are just thrown together. I just find it strange I guess. I thought all the cliqueness and being part of the cool gang got left behind long ago. I just want to do my class without listening to the tinkly laughs and the 'in-jokes' and worrying about where I can bloody stand!

OP posts:

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 14/04/2017 15:11

I can't claim any expertise - others might be able to say, but it seems like there are plenty of cross-overs. We would start out with barre-work as warm-up, then core, leg, and ankle-strengthening exercises, then into the middle for plenty of stretching, then some floorwork/gentle rioting, and then back to the barre for cool-down and an audibly whispered post-mortem from the snarkier ones.

We didn't do any weights (sounds like I missed out on a lovely dramatic plot device there for extra sparks to fly) but there was insane competition over who was the most flexible and who got the centre bit of barre with the best view of the mirror. Oh and god the day that we did a bit of rhythmic gymnastics as a bit of fun and the instructor gave out ribbons for us to twirl about. That was bloody marvellous. People's ribbons kept inadvertently twirling into other people's spaces and earning them death-stares. There were almost physical fights over who got which colour to match their outfit, and more than one retirement-aged woman pouting because they wanted a spangly/stripy/silky one but others had got there first. That probably goes down as my all-time favourite lesson. I was a menace and nearly killed several people.

Aaaawww I want to do ballet again.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/04/2017 15:11

Oh wow, some girls never grow up do they. It would have as be a quiet word with the we instructor or look elsewhere. I'd hate that.

SapphireStrange · 14/04/2017 15:12

We do lots of pliets and floor work and weights.

Bit like BalletFit, except we don't tend to do eights, and just a bit of floor work. My current gym has those portable barres and we can all see ourselves in the mirrors, which is amazing after previously making do with a wobbly handrail and no mirror at all!

I find it quite fascinating. Like a David Attenborough program on the social interactions of brightly coloured birds or something. I agree with this.

Chippednailvarnishing · 14/04/2017 15:12

I just wouldn't be able to resist bringing a group of friends for a couple of classes just to unsettle them

Floggingmolly · 14/04/2017 15:13

Didn't you ask them to move, Koala? I think I'd have moved it with the toe of my boot... How Sheldon like, needing to have a spot everywhere you go

Original poster

HarrietKettleWasHere · 14/04/2017 15:15

ForTheSakeOfFuck you painted a beautiful image there with them getting pissed off with flying ribbons. It made me laugh

OP posts:

KoalaDownUnder · 14/04/2017 15:16

No, I quietly fumed. Which was a bit daft of me, admittedly, but I'd just had some bad news and couldn't be doing with confrontation!

Moussemoose · 14/04/2017 15:17

I don't suppose a nice loud fart would help you fit in.

Everyone thinks farting's funny don't they?

Scabetty · 14/04/2017 15:19

To the posters saying you can save a bit of floor for your mate, please grow up. Are you also the type to stand in a parking bay as your friend is on her way The world does not operate like that so please stop telling people they are rude when in fact you are odd.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/04/2017 15:21

Oh I just read about the instructor indulging them, which she absolutely should not, and its not helping her business at all if she wants to get customers. Either have a chat with her, or leave. I go to kickboxing, thank god I can pick and choose classes as its at a specific dojo, they run a timetable of classes. So each week there are new people, and the instructor encourages people to take up different partners, and to roate partners whilst in the class so you practice on different sizes and shapes.

Aeroflotgirl · 14/04/2017 15:21

As its mixed sex, there is none of that cliqueness you tend to find with females.

Chippednailvarnishing · 14/04/2017 15:22

Is this your class OP?

Original poster

HarrietKettleWasHere · 14/04/2017 15:22

I can totally imagine the scene Koala. Makes me

Thecweights we use are just hand weights, of either 1.5k or 2.k. Some are brightly coloured and some are plain black. The clique love to use the colourful ones so they pile in quick to grab those. If others dare to get to the coloured ones before them (I and other normal people will just grab the first to hand) and one of them is left with the black ones, the rest of the group point and have a big laugh and say 'loser!' at her for having plain weights

OP posts:

Aeroflotgirl · 14/04/2017 15:23

Omg are they at school , how old are they 10!

megletthesecond · 14/04/2017 15:24

Yanbu. There's a few cliquey space savers at our gym, seems a bit childish tbh and I just ignore them. The teachers never encourage them though thank goodness.

bibbitybobbityyhat · 14/04/2017 15:25

I know you said it's a light hearted thread but you do seem to be taking this quite seriously! What's the harm in two friends who go to the same class wanting to stand next to each other? Is it really any skin off your nose?

It's an hour out of your week. Don't give them headspace if they are not your sort of people. You aren't there to make friends are you?

AllllGooone · 14/04/2017 15:26

They probably peaked at high school and are trying to achieve the high by taking over workout classes
There was a similar type at a Zumba class I went to- head to toe in Zumba™ Gear, it was so embarrassing. She was rhythmless.

Trb17 · 14/04/2017 15:26

@ForTheSakeOfFuck that's like my office. I stay out of it but the dramas are hilarious. Actually entertaining sometimes and I'm gutted if I miss stuff

KoalaDownUnder · 14/04/2017 15:28

There was a Zumba in-crowd at my old gym who all wore matching jangly metal coin belts slung low on their hips.

gleam · 14/04/2017 15:30

Loving the 'gentle rioting', Far!

Floggingmolly · 14/04/2017 15:30

It's not two friends wanting to stand next to each other, bibbity, it's wanting to stand together in their reserved spot.
A proper adult would have moved to the space beside their friend when and if she arrived.

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 14/04/2017 15:32

There is an area in the front corner that gets most of the breeze from the fan. One of them will run in and immediately plonk down 3 or 4 extra benches in front of the fans for her friends.

There was a Zumba in-crowd at my old gym who all wore matching jangly metal coin belts slung low on their hips.

This thread is giving me a serious case of the nostalgias. Please keep sharing, people. I know, I know, I have a problem, and one day I'll get help, but for now just indulge me and my sickness.

expatinscotland · 14/04/2017 15:32

'So she said she saved a spot for her friend next to her and you totally ignored her? Why were you so rude? Was there nowhere else for you to stand? '

Saving a spot when you're over the age of 10 is fucking ridiculous. And how do you 'keep in touch' during an exercise class? It's not a cafe.

Interesting reading what's involved in a barre class. I did ballet for about 14 years and always came to the barre quite warmed up once I'd advanced.

Rachel0Greep · 14/04/2017 15:33

I would be like ForTheSake, I would absolutely enjoy the drama and plan on writing at the very least a novella about it.

surferjet · 14/04/2017 15:37

YABU - anything 'group' oriented has cliques.
My LB& T class is very similar - I just laugh it off. ( I'm not there to make friends )

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