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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get pissed off with the clique at my exercise class?

200 replies

HarrietKettleWasHere · 14/04/2017 13:49

Okay, firstly this is lighthearted. I am well aware it is a first world problem. It's more of a pondering about human behaviour than anything else...

I do a barre-concept class every week. It's not at a studio or anywhere fancy (we don't even have a 'barre' but just use the wall) but at the local leisure centre. I enjoy it. There's a group of women who take it VERY SERIOUSLY. These are women in their 40s/50s. They are very pally with the instructor, if she's running even two min late they will stand in the front and offer to lead the class, wear designer gear (I mean they make a real effort with their appearance, hair and make up is done too) and 'save spaces' for each other.

My main bugbear is it's like they think they are still the 'cool girls' at school. The first time I went I grabbed a space and a woman says 'sorry but my friend usually stands there and she's running late'. I ignored her and the class started. The latecomer runs in. Woman next to me goes 'Lisa I saved you a space but this lady seems to have taken it, sorry!' Lisa huffily takes a space somewhere else.

There was an extra class today as it's a bank holiday so I went along. Exact same class as I go to every Saturday. One woman ( a regular) goes 'are you new? I have NEVER seen you before!' I said 'this is my 6th class', and she exclaims 'are you sure? I've never noticed you before!'

I just said 'I don't usually make a big thing about it, I just turn up'. She just made a comment about hoping I could 'keep up' with the class...

I still keep at it because it's a nice work out but I cringe all the way though the class at the clique. Lots of newcomers have come and not been back as it's not incredibly welcoming. It seems to be a minefield knowing where you are 'allowed' to stand and what colour weights are the preferred ones of the clique.

AIBU to think some people never grow out of the mindset of being at secondary school and part of the 'in crowd'? One lady who joined a week or so ago was complimented by one of the regulars on her water-container. She absolutely gushed her thanks, you'd think she'd just been told she was in line for a Nobel prize.

I don't have colleagues (nanny/pa) and no children so no 'school gate' experiences exactly, so I think it's just been a long time since I've been in any kind of environment where people are just thrown together. I just find it strange I guess. I thought all the cliqueness and being part of the cool gang got left behind long ago. I just want to do my class without listening to the tinkly laughs and the 'in-jokes' and worrying about where I can bloody stand!

OP posts:
brickinitIam · 14/04/2017 19:09

I had a situation like this at a Bums, Legs and Tums class I went to.

LBT is one of the unfriendliest classes, second only to Zumba.
When I go to any class, whether with a friend or on my own, I I usually make a point of saying hello to the person next to me, especially if they're on their own and I can see they're a bit unsure.
But It's surprising the number of women who don't do that. They stick to their little group of friends and blank everybody else.
It's pathetic.

brickinitIam · 14/04/2017 19:12

Another bugbear of mine are the women who spend ages chatting ass kissing to the instructor at the beginning of the class, resulting in the class starting 10 minutes late.
It happens every single week. The relaxation part at the end is usually rushed because of this.

Ta1kinPeace · 14/04/2017 19:15

I have my favourite bit of the floor and most people in the class know to leave it for me.

I'm one of the long standing attendees who gets asked to demo stuff if the instructor is ill or needs to talk

BUT

I am ALWAYS welcoming to newcomers

and when another regular was very snide to a newcomer
"joked" about it later in the changing room such that she started being welcoming too.

Instructors who encourage "cliques" need retraining

StrawberryMouse · 14/04/2017 19:18

Well it sounds like you are handling it well, keep standing your ground and don't let it ruin your enjoyment! I don't go in for this stuff either, would quite happily stand in the middle of the school playground alone rather than get involved in other people's nonsense. Grin

luckycatclover · 14/04/2017 19:21

If it makes you feel any better I have the same at my gym, I started going to classes recently and nearly all of them have little cliques of regulars, usually they seem super pally with the instructors too?!
Strange behaviour definitely, but kinda funny. Definitely not as bad as yours!

Floggingmolly · 14/04/2017 19:22

Why do you get to reserve your favourite bit of floor, Peace, just because you've been there longest?! How odd

Chottie · 14/04/2017 19:24

I've had this in some exercise classes too.

I just smile, ignore and stand wherever I want. I go for the exercise, not to find bosom buddies.

Chottie · 14/04/2017 19:26

'Honestly, if I walked into a class and someone politely informed me that her friend usually stood beside her, I'd move'

I'd shrug and stay put.

I think I would smile and say that "well, this week you can stand next to me!"

almondpudding · 14/04/2017 19:26

I don't want people to be welcoming.

I just want people to stop acting like it is a party rather than an exercise class, and stop making up unneccesary social rules about who goes where and does what.

I'm already nervous about working out what to do without it all being made into a Jane Austen novel.

expatinscotland · 14/04/2017 19:28

'I think I would smile and say that "well, this week you can stand next to me!"'

I'd shrug and stay put. Hmm PA has zero effect on me.

Ta1kinPeace · 14/04/2017 19:31

flogging
I just like standing there.
If somebody else does then I budge up.
But mainly I go there because its in the corner so people can copy me when they cannot see the instructor (I am good at the class, that is just the way it is)

I'm looking forward to casting all of my mates into a nice JA novel. Which one though ? Mrs Smith's description of the concert in Persuasion springs to mind Grin

scaryclown · 14/04/2017 19:31

There's a guy in a spin class i go to, who was pally with the instructor in a normal way, then he started naming the songs for different class programmes, then he started smiling a LOT at the beginning and after sections, then boom one day i went and he had 'feel the vibe' t-shirt, shorts, sweatband and special cycling shoes.it was like watching a cult member induct.

I think some people just need to belong.

I vote "watch heathers' but don't shoot anyone. Spread rumours they are on divorce rehab together.

almondpudding · 14/04/2017 19:36

It is very helpful if people who know what they are doing stand in prime positions.

Floggingmolly · 14/04/2017 19:38

Does the instructor encourage this, peace? If I paid to take a class I wouldn't be happy with not being able to see the instructor; and having to follow another member of the class instead no matter how good you were.
Maybe more people that needed to see would be able to if you weren't hogging the front row?
You sound like the Grand Dame of the whatever class it is; I would just like a class with a properly qualified instructor.

IamRonnieBiggs · 14/04/2017 19:41

It's not good for business to encourage this behaviour

I went to one instructor (independent) for years for Zumba and a few other things - she was really good BUT she had a group of mates who would come to her class, take up the front, chat for ages and make it late, she gave them lots of attention too

However these were her drinking buddies and not that interested in fitness (proved by their pissing about) and we're not regular attendees. Myself and lots of others got pissed off and stopped going - she's always on Facebook complaining about numbers and having to cancel classes and how badly she is doing!

I don't want lots of attention in classes but a small acknowledgement of your existence goes a long way.

KERALA1 · 14/04/2017 19:48

Dh and I were sneered out of a yoga class once. It was at a super trendy studio in primrose hill. We innocently rocked up pre kids and joined a class. Big mistake. Even the instructor was eye rolling about us "you will all be able to do this - except for you two at the back" etc. I wondered if I was being over sensitive but Dh said no one had been so mean to him in adulthood. Had a good laugh about it but still!

Floggingmolly · 14/04/2017 19:50

God, that's awful Hmm

KERALA1 · 14/04/2017 19:56

Was that aimed at me floggingmolly? Odd response. Wasn't "awful" obviously though was quite funny blundering into the territory of the north London uber trendy yoga set and unintentionally pissing them off.

twilightcafe · 14/04/2017 19:59

There does seem to be something about adult dance classes. Grin I went to a class at a v famous studio in London which was aimed at beginners. Was great at first.

Then a clique formed and they would not talk to anyone who wasn't in their circle.

The teacher didn't help matters as they were all pally outside the class, so as far as she was concerned she was spending time with her mates. Everyone else either found something else to do or tried their hardest to get in with the clique. One person said "I know what they're like, but you have to play the game." Confused
I decided life was too short for this nonsense. I remember thinking, "For this, I am paying £7 to be treated like this." And never went back.

Floggingmolly · 14/04/2017 20:00

Was it an odd response? Confused. It sounds like a nasty experience, signing up for a class only to have the piss taken out of you, but maybe you're tougher than me (or I've misunderstood your op)
I think your response to me was odder!

FreeButtonBee · 14/04/2017 20:03

Nothing to add from me. All my classes are decidedly un-cliquey - small benefit of london transient living!

But I fucking love Heathers. Best film ever. I so need to rewatch that.

KERALA1 · 14/04/2017 20:04

Sorry molly thought you were being sarky - that's how I read the hmm face - hmm ing at us! We were clearly not cool enough that's for sure though we are quite good at yoga. Every other yoga place has been really welcoming which was why that one was so strange as they were really really mean for such supposedly zen like people Grin

Floggingmolly · 14/04/2017 20:05

Oh ok; no, I wasn't joining in with the piss taking!

EatsLeavesAndShit · 14/04/2017 20:56

In the app the sad face sometimes comes out as hmm face on the desktop site, which leads to weird misunderstandings on threads.

My gym doesn't seem to have cliques, but there is one woman who Snapchats every freaking workout. She always seems to be in front of me too. I hope nothing ever happens to her because the police would definitely suspect the strange woman who is always lifting weights, riding a spin bike or doing yoga behind the victim.

Ta1kinPeace · 14/04/2017 23:28

Flogging
Not sure what your problem is?
Instructor is front centre
I am front corner, a friend is other corner
when people turn to the side they see an experienced participant in each corner.
its called planning on the instructor's part.