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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To get pissed off with the clique at my exercise class?

200 replies

HarrietKettleWasHere · 14/04/2017 13:49

Okay, firstly this is lighthearted. I am well aware it is a first world problem. It's more of a pondering about human behaviour than anything else...

I do a barre-concept class every week. It's not at a studio or anywhere fancy (we don't even have a 'barre' but just use the wall) but at the local leisure centre. I enjoy it. There's a group of women who take it VERY SERIOUSLY. These are women in their 40s/50s. They are very pally with the instructor, if she's running even two min late they will stand in the front and offer to lead the class, wear designer gear (I mean they make a real effort with their appearance, hair and make up is done too) and 'save spaces' for each other.

My main bugbear is it's like they think they are still the 'cool girls' at school. The first time I went I grabbed a space and a woman says 'sorry but my friend usually stands there and she's running late'. I ignored her and the class started. The latecomer runs in. Woman next to me goes 'Lisa I saved you a space but this lady seems to have taken it, sorry!' Lisa huffily takes a space somewhere else.

There was an extra class today as it's a bank holiday so I went along. Exact same class as I go to every Saturday. One woman ( a regular) goes 'are you new? I have NEVER seen you before!' I said 'this is my 6th class', and she exclaims 'are you sure? I've never noticed you before!'

I just said 'I don't usually make a big thing about it, I just turn up'. She just made a comment about hoping I could 'keep up' with the class...

I still keep at it because it's a nice work out but I cringe all the way though the class at the clique. Lots of newcomers have come and not been back as it's not incredibly welcoming. It seems to be a minefield knowing where you are 'allowed' to stand and what colour weights are the preferred ones of the clique.

AIBU to think some people never grow out of the mindset of being at secondary school and part of the 'in crowd'? One lady who joined a week or so ago was complimented by one of the regulars on her water-container. She absolutely gushed her thanks, you'd think she'd just been told she was in line for a Nobel prize.

I don't have colleagues (nanny/pa) and no children so no 'school gate' experiences exactly, so I think it's just been a long time since I've been in any kind of environment where people are just thrown together. I just find it strange I guess. I thought all the cliqueness and being part of the cool gang got left behind long ago. I just want to do my class without listening to the tinkly laughs and the 'in-jokes' and worrying about where I can bloody stand!

OP posts:
Rachel0Greep · 14/04/2017 17:24

Watch out for a coup: you'll go in one day and one of the original ladies will be leading the class. The instructor will have disappeared, never to be spoken of again.

And don't go to any BBQ they are hosting because that hog roast might just be the instructor.

Grin Just thinking here, I joined a writing class last year, and while there were quite a few there who obviously did classes regularly with the tutor, she was very good at making sure that everyone felt welcome. I thought at first it was going to be cliquey but had decided I didn't care. It turned out not to be anyway. I would think a lot less of the instructor in your case, OP, for encouraging them.
Cloudhopping · 14/04/2017 17:24

YANBU. I go to group exercise classes and have a very good friend who went from participant to being an instructor. The cliques and the bitchiness between some of the regular participants and between the instructors themselves is mind boggling. Most of the clique and instructors seem to have very fragile self esteem and are highly competitive. Anyone younger, fitter or thinner is seen as a threat. I like to stand at the back, do my exercise, then leave. They frighten the life out of me when they're all together!

TeamLentil · 14/04/2017 17:26

I took two adult beginner classes and never went back because of this kind of behaviour. Life is too short for this shit.

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 14/04/2017 17:26

OP, if you try yoga and find even more clique-iness going on, I absolutely insist that you come back and run off a Bridget Jones' Diary style column on it. I will subscribe and devour it all. Grin

Original poster
HarrietKettleWasHere · 14/04/2017 17:26

It's a full class every week practically BUT I would say out of that half are the clique, a handful are me and a few other women who have persevered for more than three sessions, and the rest are newcomers who obviously want to try it out but then I never see them again!

OP posts:
Krapom · 14/04/2017 17:29

Iwasjustabouttosaythat I agree with you.

Perhaps they are not very accommodating because you marked yourself out as rude and unpleasant on your first day in class?

HJG2011 · 14/04/2017 17:40

I had a situation like this at a Bums, Legs and Tums class I went to.
I went in and sat in the corner of a large dance studio where a stepper, weights and mat was put down, I assumed that these were already as there is a number on your receipt of how many people are in that class. About 4 women, is say in their 40's, I'm in my twenties) started staring and pointing at me and I started to feel rather uncomfortable.
Two of them then approached me. Full face of make up, Hair extensions in and yes high heel trainers(!) One of the two said to me "You can't sit there I put that out for my friend who is running late, can you move" No please or excuse me or thank you. I explained "Oh i am so sorry it is my first time at this class and gym and when I went to a similar one before the equipment was readily put out, no worries I will move" As I got up she replied "well yeah, now you know to get your own" and her friend just smirked at me.
It made me feel rather shit in front of a large group of people probably about 30+ but I just got up and go on with it. Her 2 friends came in late and the lady who approached me felt the need to explain to her friend what had happened and blatantly started pointing at me Hmm

I got on with the class and really enjoyed it and the women reminded me of the ladies off the TV program Dance Moms 😂
You could tell they thought they were the IT girls right at the front in front of the mirrors next to the gym instructor who they were on (uncomfortable looking) "hugging terms".

However, I don't go to the gym to make friends I go to get fit, same as the school playground really.

Spin class drives me crazy too , people putting their towels and bottles on my bike when I haven't even fully got off and cleaned it yet but that's another topic all together AngryGrin

Runny · 14/04/2017 17:46

Krapom are you taking the piss?

lljkk · 14/04/2017 17:49

Make sure to go along regularly just to piss them off with your presence. Smile inanely & produce idle chitchat if they talk to you but basically ignore them & leave them guessing what you think of them.

(ie, find your inner cow & rise above)

giraffesCantReachTheirToes · 14/04/2017 17:54

I want to come along

MadMags · 14/04/2017 17:55

Honestly, if I walked into a class and someone politely informed me that her friend usually stood beside her, I'd move.

Why was that particular spot so important to you?? Or were hog making a point?

And you're mortally wounded because someone didn't recognise you from previous classes?

Honestly, is this stuff really that important to you?

Wauden · 14/04/2017 17:56

'Death stares' - so funny! Grin

bibbitybobbityyhat · 14/04/2017 18:00

I've read the whole thread and I still don't "get" it.

Some people in your exercise class are friends outside of the class and they're not your type of people.

Is that so surprising?

I used to hear this about toddler groups/school gates/the PTA/almost any other public gathering you care to mention.

IMO it is very immature to get worked up about cliques.

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 14/04/2017 18:01

IIjjkk: find your inner cow

Oh my god, I want this tattooed on my body somewhere, where I will read it often.

Original poster
HarrietKettleWasHere · 14/04/2017 18:03

I just honestly did not believe that grown adults 'saved a space' for their chum for a ten minute warm-up Confused

Also, you have no dibs on floor space if you don't turn up on time, surely!

OP posts:
TheStoic · 14/04/2017 18:08

Perhaps they are not very accommodating because you marked yourself out as rude and unpleasant on your first day in class?

How? By standing still?

Runny · 14/04/2017 18:12

A grown adult shouldn't need their friend to stand beside them ffs. I wouldn't dream of going up to a complete stranger and telling them to move because I wanted my friend to stand beside me, however if I were that pathetic and really needed them with me at all times then I'd move elsewhere myself to somehwere there was room and where no one else was standing,

I can tell believe some posters are excusing this kind of behaviour, how much do you want to bet they behave like this themselves?

Atenco · 14/04/2017 18:36

Honestly, if I walked into a class and someone politely informed me that her friend usually stood beside her, I'd move

The front row is the best place to be for an exercise or dance class, so it is ok for people to force others to the back because they have a friend who saves them the best spot?

Evelight · 14/04/2017 18:39

A grown adult shouldn't need their friend to stand beside them ffs.

So much this.

Fruitcocktail6 · 14/04/2017 18:50

YABU - anything 'group' oriented has cliques.

Not true at all, I've been going to classes at my gym for years and never witnessed anything like this. These ladies need to grow the hell up.

Fauchelevent · 14/04/2017 18:54

Sometimes i feel posters on here go out there way to misinterpret OPs just for the sake of not agreeing.

Anyway yes, there are a lot of adults who seem to be very high school cliquey. People who arrange meet up events loudly in front of those who weren't invited so they can feel powerful and exclusive but honestly, i don't care and find it quite tragic. Usually they are people who have no life or other friends, or didn't do so well socially at school and now want to make up for it.

Funnyonion17 · 14/04/2017 18:55

Hmm. I do get your point a bit, but i tend to find situations like this can open old wounds and sometimes we can see things that aren't really there.

I've never in my life even with 5 years of school runs experienced nastiness on the school run once. Yea i see some ladies have formed friendship groups, but i don't feel threatened. I've made a few friends myself and now and again i speak with the other ladies too. I do see them with their in jokes at times but I don't feel threatened or awkward. You have to learn to leave them to it, you will make your own friends in time.

Tiredemma · 14/04/2017 18:56

Its like this in my Spin class- they all save bikes for each other and ask others to 'move up'

SmokingBugle · 14/04/2017 18:57

Id continue going and make sure that I wear the REALLY skanky leggings with the hole in the crotch

But I'm odd like that.

expatinscotland · 14/04/2017 18:58

'Honestly, if I walked into a class and someone politely informed me that her friend usually stood beside her, I'd move'

I'd shrug and stay put.