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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To get pissed off with the clique at my exercise class?

200 replies

HarrietKettleWasHere · 14/04/2017 13:49

Okay, firstly this is lighthearted. I am well aware it is a first world problem. It's more of a pondering about human behaviour than anything else...

I do a barre-concept class every week. It's not at a studio or anywhere fancy (we don't even have a 'barre' but just use the wall) but at the local leisure centre. I enjoy it. There's a group of women who take it VERY SERIOUSLY. These are women in their 40s/50s. They are very pally with the instructor, if she's running even two min late they will stand in the front and offer to lead the class, wear designer gear (I mean they make a real effort with their appearance, hair and make up is done too) and 'save spaces' for each other.

My main bugbear is it's like they think they are still the 'cool girls' at school. The first time I went I grabbed a space and a woman says 'sorry but my friend usually stands there and she's running late'. I ignored her and the class started. The latecomer runs in. Woman next to me goes 'Lisa I saved you a space but this lady seems to have taken it, sorry!' Lisa huffily takes a space somewhere else.

There was an extra class today as it's a bank holiday so I went along. Exact same class as I go to every Saturday. One woman ( a regular) goes 'are you new? I have NEVER seen you before!' I said 'this is my 6th class', and she exclaims 'are you sure? I've never noticed you before!'

I just said 'I don't usually make a big thing about it, I just turn up'. She just made a comment about hoping I could 'keep up' with the class...

I still keep at it because it's a nice work out but I cringe all the way though the class at the clique. Lots of newcomers have come and not been back as it's not incredibly welcoming. It seems to be a minefield knowing where you are 'allowed' to stand and what colour weights are the preferred ones of the clique.

AIBU to think some people never grow out of the mindset of being at secondary school and part of the 'in crowd'? One lady who joined a week or so ago was complimented by one of the regulars on her water-container. She absolutely gushed her thanks, you'd think she'd just been told she was in line for a Nobel prize.

I don't have colleagues (nanny/pa) and no children so no 'school gate' experiences exactly, so I think it's just been a long time since I've been in any kind of environment where people are just thrown together. I just find it strange I guess. I thought all the cliqueness and being part of the cool gang got left behind long ago. I just want to do my class without listening to the tinkly laughs and the 'in-jokes' and worrying about where I can bloody stand!

OP posts:

Ta1kinPeace · 15/04/2017 17:34

Flogging
Which classes do you do ? How do they organise themselves?
Super
Ah, so all my instructors are bad. I'll tell them you said so

Floggingmolly · 15/04/2017 17:34

Jesus, people assigning themselves the role of teacher's understudy, and graciously allowing someone else to stand in their spot "if they're not there that day". Pmsl!
You should ask for a reduction of fees, as you seem to consider yourself more staff than end user. Not just chucking yourself about and getting sweaty like the rest of them.

CaoNiMartacus · 15/04/2017 17:45

A couple of years ago I attended a yoga workshop led by an internet-famous teacher. You'd think she was the new messiah, honestly. At least two-thirds of the class time was taken up by attendees clamouring to take selfies with her.

brickinitIam · 15/04/2017 17:57

There was another instructor who did the class. The clique would be there and try to talk to him and he used to tell them to shut up and concentrate on the class. Loved him!

Good for him.

Beeziekn33ze · 15/04/2017 18:23

Harriet - carry on enjoying the class, ignoring the 'mean girls'.
Just make newcomers feel welcome with a quick greeting and, afterwards 'I hope you enjoyed the class and you'll come next week.' That way the group may gradually become diluted!
I've found this does wonders for nervous people at their first venture into a new situation, the feeling that at least one person is just normal and friendly.

propertypriceguide · 15/04/2017 18:27

Molly why are you being so weird towards Ta1kin?

Wickedstepmum67 · 15/04/2017 21:06

Must be something about dance-based classes! I once went to a ballet/barre-type class. Very much 'not me', not least because I am not precisely poetry in motion. Anyhow, I got the giggles quite badly at this point in the class where we all had to take turns running and jumping (no idea what the properly balletic terminology is....jette?) and my giggling at myself provoked death stares! There was the small clique taking itself VERY seriously too. Never went back. Every aqua class I have ever been to includes at least one person who finds it hilarious to splash everyone.....every week.....at exactly the same point in the class. I currently just go to the gym - no classes - and am impressed by the women who carefully tend hair and make up before their work out. I'm impressed by their dedication to glamour, as I am the one in Aldi leggings and scrubbed face. 😂

SuperFlyHigh · 15/04/2017 21:26

Wicked that's really weird you find that about Aqua classes the "splasher" is always there!

I've been to a few (different work locations etc) and never encountered a splasher. At least not on purpose! Mind you I'm in SE London and some of the women could be considered a bit bad ass so if you dared to splash them they could do a bit more back! My last Aqua class was in Dulwich where the women were super friendly (all the Aqua women and men have been really nice) and no cliques whatsoever!

Dance classes haven't done them for years but was always just there to learn - eg salsa etc. never done a barre or ballet keep fit or pineapple style class, I agree some of the attendees there could be insecure as they want to be good and have the whole trendy clothing thing going on whereas I found in salsa we just danced and only bought dance shoes and even then just a shoe with a heel was fine.

SuperFlyHigh · 15/04/2017 21:32

Peace I didn't say all your instructors are weird, I just find it strange that they put the ones who are good in the places you say so the others can copy.

I don't personally know any instructors any more but used to know a very down to earth aerobics instructor (she lived in my street when I was a teenager and I was encouraged to go to her class by my mum who she knew to get exercise but as it was fun). She would never have had her favourites or had corners for the better ones to show the others, she was all about fun. In fact it was hilarious one day we had a mother and daughter who were very glam, a bit snobbish but quite friendly and in expensive gear. Anyway we dropped them home once (can't think why they usually drove), and though they lived in a nice area they lived in the council estate part of that area as we saw them walk to their house. They seemed a bit sheepish at the next class but were a lot more pally and less of the airs and graces.

SuperFlyHigh · 15/04/2017 21:34

Flogging I think peace probably does get a reduction (or thinks she does) in her classes and the sad women in OP's case think the same too.

They all sweat don't they or do they just glow??!!

Xcrispypancakesx · 15/04/2017 21:43

Can you not form your own clique with the other non clique members in the class, difference being your clique will be welcoming to newcomers. Come on you can do it...bit of competition nice clique v. nasty clique.

Underbeneathsies · 15/04/2017 21:49

It's not just women who have spots in the gym.

Try wrestling some young fellow for the free weights, or a machine. Jesus, having a spot "saved" for Lisa or Sue is just the halfpenny place.
Try going for a rowing machine against some young, sweaty, muscle bulging, roidy guy. It's a fucking sprint with menaces.

Or try getting a free weight lifting spot in front of the mirror to check your form! Ha!
The beautiful Narcissus has "his" spot there too.

TBH when I did a lot of yoga, I liked a particular spot in the room as there wasn't a draft. But I didn't set out my mat on top of someone if they were there before me.

I like the sound of the barre class

BellyDancer124 · 15/04/2017 21:49

AIBU to think some people never grow out of the mindset of being at secondary school and part of the 'in crowd'?

This is spot on! Yanbu!!

lucyandpoppy123 · 15/04/2017 22:00

Agree that its so weird when people save 'spaces' for their friends. I was at a crafting workshop recently - small, only about 7 or 8 of us sat round one table. There was two remaining seats, both next to each other. I went to sit on the one next to the woman, as I thought it would look odd to purposefully leave a seat between us. And she said 'sorry my friend is coming in a minute' I was a bit ... but just laughed it off. was awkward though.

Oblomov17 · 15/04/2017 22:16

This thread is hilarious. Hilariously awful. Specially that Sue, who couldn't come because the pp had nicked her place!!
God save us from these people.

FlaviaAlbia · 15/04/2017 22:19

@Underbeneathsies could be worse, the mirror hog in my gym was a nipple fiddler in a muscle vest

Floggingmolly · 15/04/2017 22:22

Oh God that's grim, Flavia

FlaviaAlbia · 15/04/2017 22:31

Yeah, it really was!

Daydream007 · 15/04/2017 22:31

They sound very sad. Just ignore them and feel smug that you don't have to be in a school girl clique like that! Just enjoy going to the class and sod them! People who feel the need to be in cliques often feel insecure and can't stand alone. Very sad.

MichaelSheensNextDW · 15/04/2017 22:33

OP please write an afternoon play for radio 4, your observation skills are fantastic.

expatinscotland · 15/04/2017 22:43

'I like the sound of the barre class '

I do, too! I'd like to get back into ballet. I'm doing a lot of flexibility yoga at home after workouts, because it's always better to do flexibility work when you're warmed up, and working on my feet and ankles and turnout again. It'd be fun to go back to the barre.

It's a barre, ffs! You're there to get ready to go to centre work if that's your aim or to get exercise. Class is just that, it's not a cafe. I'd just go where I saw a space free, if it's not got someone standing in it, it's a spot. 'Saving'. Haahaahaa!! Shrug and keep warming up. Don't you have to be a bit apart, anyway, for ronds and such?

expatinscotland · 15/04/2017 22:45

Can't really chat during classe, anyhow, can you? Never heard of any instructor who likes people chit chatting during classe, you're supposed to be shutting up and listening to directions, otherwise, reserve the room if you can, put on your wireless headphones and do your barre work yourself.

Ta1kinPeace · 16/04/2017 17:05

Am genuinely gobsmacked at some of the ire headed my way.

superfly
Do tell me how a national gym chain alters my fee for my random studio choice ?

In fact I'd ask most of the snotty crew .....
what classes do you do ?
if not, shut up

I do not do a "barre" class as I'm past 50 and CBA
that and dancing round the house to old AC/DC is my aerobics

MadMags · 16/04/2017 17:39

Some of you are being weirdly vicious about people wanting to stand together in an exercise class.

But then, most times on here I read "friends" for clique as apparently having friends is the devil's own work around here.

user1471545174 · 16/04/2017 19:25

This has only happened to me once, I joined a yoga class when I was in my 40s and it was full of ridiculously competitive 20-somethings who treated the whole session as an opportunity to pose and compete, when they weren't sucking up to the incredibly sadistic teacher.

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