Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there's nothing wrong with my son's behaviour

372 replies

Happyhippy45 · 13/04/2017 15:32

He sits beside me for a cuddle. Comes up to me and gives me hugs. He'll sit on my lap (kind of for a laugh as he's too heavy.)
Holds my hand when he's chatting to me.
He's friendly and out going and has always been comfortable and confident and a willing participant in conversations with adults and peers.
TBH he's always been like this.
He's nearly 20.
I had a family member being very disapproving of some of his behaviours because his son of the same age doesn't act like that.
Just wondered if anyone else has a son who behaves like this?

OP posts:
wheresthel1ght · 14/04/2017 21:34

good job I am not in my 40's then eh super?!

Why is it odd?? He doesn't stop being my dad/daddy just because I am heading for 40

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 14/04/2017 21:35

Basically what Super said - I don't know any adults who call their parents mummy or daddy - it just seems a bit childish.

TheLuminaries · 14/04/2017 21:36

OP, he still lives at home and works in the family business. To me, that is suffocating, I think young people should cut the apron strings. Obviously you feel differently, which is your perogative but it would worry me. I want my children to grow up to be independent (and they are).

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 14/04/2017 21:36

Plus many threads on here say about adult daughters sitting on their father's laps and most people seem to think it's not usual

MadMags · 14/04/2017 21:41

You sit on your dad's lap when you're "feeling in need of your daddy"?!

That gives me the heebee-jeebies!

hellomarshmallow · 14/04/2017 21:43

I would never do this with my parents, but I can respect it as someone else's 'normal.' I actually think it's pretty lovely.

TheRealPooTroll · 14/04/2017 21:46

That's not made it sound any less weird - grabbing a finger/patting your hand while you talk? Surely you know other people don't do that?
People, like your relative, will notice and perhaps comment when they see behaviour that isn't typical. If you are happy for the behaviour to continue then maybe you need to accept that people might comment and not let it bother you.

lightgreenglass · 14/04/2017 21:46

My DBro sounds like your DS, he's 20. Cuddles up to DM and DDad, and sisters randomly. Very affectionate and warm. I hope my boys are the same.

wheresthel1ght · 14/04/2017 21:46

personally I think you guys are the ones with the issues.

I have a great relationship with my dad, when I feel anxious, poorly, upset and I need reassurance, that feeling of being protected then yes I will curl up with him for a hug, often if everyone is together then I will sit on his lap as there is no where else or sometimes just because he is my dad and I love him and fancy a hug whilst sat on his lap.

Nothing weird, odd or disturbing IMO

neonrainbow · 14/04/2017 21:48

Yeah that is weird though.

lightgreenglass · 14/04/2017 21:48

I cuddle up to my Dad but I wouldn't sit on him. Different strokes for different folk.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 14/04/2017 21:54

It's interesting that your daughter is not similarly tactile like her brother, hippy. I suppose that means that needing to be very tactile or physically demonstrative is more nature than nurture. Maybe certain personalities crave physical contact more than others.

Chattymummyhere · 14/04/2017 22:14

I had a bf like this. HAD I will be honest it gave me the creeps and in the 10 years we have been split he still lives with mummy and hasn't managed to get a relationship past 6months. Lovely guy but it felt he was more like her partner than her son. There is giving affection then there is too much affection between people that are not partners. I couldn't imagine going and sitting on my dad or mums knee or holding his hand unless one of us was very ill or someone had died. Sure we do the one arm hug and kiss on a cheek when we see each other

MadMags · 14/04/2017 22:16

Sorry, wheres but you've managed to make it sound MORE creepy! Confused

Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 14/04/2017 22:16

TheLuminaries
He still lives at home and works in the family business but I would rather he went off and did his own thing. I told him that.
He decided to stay. Though at times he gets a bit jealous of his friends off at uni. Then they tell him of their money struggles and he's quite happy.
Then when I got ill,(long term) it became harder for him to leave because he knew we'd have to close the business if he left......even though I strongly suggested he did leave as soon as he found something else to do.

OP posts:
SuperBeagle · 14/04/2017 22:20

wheres Nah, don't think we're the ones with the issues here.

Missolford33 · 14/04/2017 22:29

You having been ill might explain more why he is so affectionate towards you..? Maybe not... It's just something a lot of people are not used to (kids) usually grow out of that kind of thing. Specially like going to sit on my (daddy's) lap as an adult!?. I'm an adult not a child a nice hug will definitely do! If your not trying to manipulate him your being a weirdo. Stop acting like a child.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 14/04/2017 22:30

Ah okay now we have the dripfeeding

Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 14/04/2017 23:09

He's always been affectionate. I'm just explaining why he's still at home.

OP posts:
Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 14/04/2017 23:10

And it only in the past couple of years I've been incapacitated....before that I was working full time etc

OP posts:
ElspethFlashman · 14/04/2017 23:15

Why can't he work in the family business but rent a room in a house share with some other lads?

Is he your carer also?

Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 14/04/2017 23:23

He can't afford to

OP posts:
Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 14/04/2017 23:25

....and no he's not my carer. I would employ someone if I needed one. (Using my pittance from PIP)

OP posts:
Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 14/04/2017 23:29

....well I do need one but I'm too proud......

OP posts:
Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 14/04/2017 23:34

missolford
Ffs who should grow up?
I'm neither trying to manipulate or being a weirdo.
He is how he is.
I am a hands off parent. He does what he wants(but still has a few chores to do because he lives here.)

OP posts: