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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think there's nothing wrong with my son's behaviour

372 replies

Happyhippy45 · 13/04/2017 15:32

He sits beside me for a cuddle. Comes up to me and gives me hugs. He'll sit on my lap (kind of for a laugh as he's too heavy.)
Holds my hand when he's chatting to me.
He's friendly and out going and has always been comfortable and confident and a willing participant in conversations with adults and peers.
TBH he's always been like this.
He's nearly 20.
I had a family member being very disapproving of some of his behaviours because his son of the same age doesn't act like that.
Just wondered if anyone else has a son who behaves like this?

OP posts:
Deidre21 · 14/04/2017 19:41

Just sounds affectionate

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 14/04/2017 19:41

And why ask if you are so secure that it isn't odd?

Missolford33 · 14/04/2017 19:42

Mummy issues to me means not being able to break away from mum after you are a grown man. Don't get me wrong I don't have a problem with the affection my partner still hugs his mother, calls her babe and kisses her on the cheek when we're over but if he sat and held her hand whilst they spoke or cuddled up to her on the couch I'd be worried in fact it would put me right off him... seriously tho you must think it's a little weird or you wouldn't be on here asking for confirmation that it's not a bit weird. We all want our kids to love us forever but there's a line.

TheRealPooTroll · 14/04/2017 19:43

The hugging and everything I think is nice but the hand holding seems quite needy and odd. What do his friends say? Any of my male friends who held their mums hand while speaking to them at the age of 19 would have been the subject of incest jokes regardless of whether it was true.
Is he aware that it isn't the norm and doesn't care or is he not aware?

Cantthinkofabloodyusername · 14/04/2017 19:46

Sounds wonderful! I hope my daughter is the same! We are a very loving tactile family and I hope it always stays like that! I think a few people on here have some serious issues and maybe need some help!

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 14/04/2017 19:48

Non tactile = issues?

Wow. Okay. I just have an adult relationship with my parents, I realise that's unreasonable Grin

Strygil · 14/04/2017 20:00

If you are both comfortable with the way you express your closeness, then that is the end of the story. It's no-one's business but yours. Least of all is it the business of some of the sniffy and knotted up posters on here who sound to me jealous of your comfort and closeness. I have two daughters whom I love and am proud of equally, but in terms of how we express our relationship physically things couldn't be more different. The point is that we are all three of us comfortable with how things are, and that is, literally, all that matters.

38cody · 14/04/2017 20:06

I think he sounds lovely. Mine aren't old enough to compare but my mothers friend has 2 boys - both like this to their mother and their maternal grandma - they also hug and squeeze grandma and give her a little peck on the cheek frequently. I think it's lovely and what's 'normal' anyway? Enjoy him - he sounds lovely - hope my DD marries a man like him.

acornsandnuts · 14/04/2017 20:10

My friends 19 year old son does this and says mummmeeee when we are having a chat. I find it really really weird. Not the affection, a kiss and a hug is lovely, the rest is odd.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 14/04/2017 20:11

Genuine question - why does not agreeing with something mean someone is jealous?

I imagine that you have to be pretty insecure to think that

Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 14/04/2017 20:22

In my op I asked if other people had sons like mine. They do, quite a lot of them. I asked because of comments made by a family member which left me feeling a bit sad.
I felt I was being judged and subjected to an analysis of my sons behaviour.
So, ok your adult kids don't behave in the same way he does. That's fine. Telling me it's weird/odd/not normal isn't necessary. My whole life isn't normal in comparison to many people......
Thanks to all the folks who left civil replies and lovely ones.

OP posts:
TheRealPooTroll · 14/04/2017 20:38

If you're asking if yabu to think there's nothing wrong with your sons behaviour then surely you were expecting some people to have the opinion that there is something wrong with the behaviour? Unless you were expecting a unanimous yanbu but in that case why ask?
I hope that my son will hug me and kiss me on the cheek into adulthood any more than that I wouldn't encourage.

bsbabas · 14/04/2017 20:45

Thats soo creepy!

bringbacksideburns · 14/04/2017 20:54

FFS!!

Is it bollocks creepy. Some of the comments on here about it being odd and not normal- jeez!

If you come from a tactile openly affectionate family it's no biggie.
My 16 year old son loves giving me a hug, he's definitely more affectionate than my daughter and always has been.
He wouldn't sit on my knee now - if he did it would be for a laugh.
My husband always would greet his mother with a hug and a kiss.

Leave the woman alone, just because it's not for you doesn't mean it's wrong. You have a lovely cllose relationship with your son.

Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 14/04/2017 20:56

Thanks bringback xx

OP posts:
robinia · 14/04/2017 21:00

I'm with you op.
It's perfectly normal behaviour. The family member who (a) thought it was odd and (b) thought it was their place to comment is the weird one.

Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 14/04/2017 21:06

robinia
Thanks. Family member has many different opinions to mine but we get on ok. Their son is a more typical teen. Football mad, goes out drinking and partying, holiday to Ibiza with his girlfriend etc. Lovely lad too though. Just not the same as mine.

OP posts:
dnwig · 14/04/2017 21:07

My son is 20, still lots of hugs here! Has a girlfriend who also comes to me for hugsSmile

Interesting you mention that you lived abroad for a time. We did too, in a country much less reserved about showing affection than the UK. Cultural differences perhaps?

TheRealPooTroll · 14/04/2017 21:07

bringbacksideburns does your son hold hands with you when he talks to you though? I've honestly never seen anyone do that who isn't in a relationship with the other person or a very young child.
I'm all for being tactile and quite often see adult sons hugging their mums or kissing them and I think it's lovely. The hand holding while talking isn't something I've ever seen in a mother/adult son relationship so it would stand out and seem unusual to me.

Original poster
Happyhippy45 · 14/04/2017 21:13

Ok let me describe the handholding.
He'll come and speak to me. Grab a thumb/finger/hand/pat my hand/interlock fingers/drums on them.....it's kind of like a nervous thing maybe....I don't know. He certainly isn't gazing lovingly into my eyes when he does it. He doesn't hold my hand the whole time he talks to me either.

OP posts:
MadMags · 14/04/2017 21:15

It does seem odd to me. But everyone's different.

I have to say; it would put me off a relationship with him, too. Blush

wheresthel1ght · 14/04/2017 21:15

none of it is odd at all - didn't seem odd in the OP let alone the subsequent ones.

I am nearly 40, I will still go and sit on my Dad's lap for a cuddle if I am upset, feeling in need of my Daddy or if I haven't seen him for a while. My sister does the same. Surely this is a normal healthy relationship?

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 14/04/2017 21:23

feeling in need of my Daddy

Hmm
wheresthel1ght · 14/04/2017 21:25

problem livia?

SuperBeagle · 14/04/2017 21:30

Yeah I still think it's odd.

I also think it's odd to call your father "daddy" when you're in your 40s.