To think there's nothing wrong with my son's behaviour

[Happyhippy45]

He sits beside me for a cuddle. Comes up to me and gives me hugs. He'll sit on my lap (kind of for a laugh as he's too heavy.)
Holds my hand when he's chatting to me.
He's friendly and out going and has always been comfortable and confident and a willing participant in conversations with adults and peers.
TBH he's always been like this.
He's nearly 20.
I had a family member being very disapproving of some of his behaviours because his son of the same age doesn't act like that.
Just wondered if anyone else has a son who behaves like this?

robinia Wow! You must be strong! I haven't been able to lift my son since he was about 8.

Mine does all those things too, OP. Sometimes he will lay his head on my lap and I stroke his head. He is 18 years 7 months old, and has a girlfriend.

He also likes to pick me up; i.e. bodily lift me up for a while then put me down again or walk around with me a bit then put me down. This is easy for him because he is very strong and physically fit and much bigger than me.

He also likes to pick his younger sister up and walk around with her. This has been the case ever since she was 1 and he was 3.

None of this is unusual, I think.

Well, my mum is my best friend and I love her to bits but I haven't held her hand during conversations or sat on her lap since I was a child. I would be really taken back by anyone my age acting like that around their parents.

Some of the responses though AIBU MIL threads in the making!!

Don't let others change your realationshio with your son. My son was eaxactly as you describe yours, when he was 16 yrs old we went out on a picnic with friends (he's now 19)' one off whom commented/makpde a remark about why such a bid boy was still a mummy's boy. He laugh it of at the time, but it saddened me to see how he gradually became more self conscious about being demonstrative.

If your son is comfortable, and you are too, then be yourselves!

123yourusername
It might be something to do with how I was brought up, I was never close to the family that brought me up for as long as I can remember, even 6/7 years old I'd never cuddle family, I never had affection or given affection so I don't know, maybe it's to do with that. I do also struggle with relationship

I apologise if this sounds harsh - but this ^ was my point. I want my son to be in a relationship with someone comfortable with relationships, love and affection. You are not.

Sorry, but my son deserves someone who can show him how lovely he is. Rather than saying he is odd you need to look at your attitude towards physical affection - with anyone.

I've not read the full thread but that sounds perfectly fine to me.
My DP is 24 and is affectionate with his mother (and father) like this , although they are French so perhaps more tactile and physically affectionate than some cultures.
I think it's quite sweet and when we first started dating I liked that he was so affectionate and loving towards his mum as I thought it a good indication of how he would treat me.

I wouldn't worry, i suspect most of this will stop when he gets a girlfriend!

Typos - sorry !

See OP, from your opening post, I think you wanted reactions of it 'was a little odd' or at least you thought it might be a bit removed from the norm, otherwise, you wouldn't have started to list things that sound normal for a little boy of about 9 to do before saying he was nearly 20 in a separate sentence after your long list. If you thought it was normal, I think you would have started off saying he was nearly 20 and then writing the list of things he does.

My 19yo DS occasionally sits on my knee very briefly, & hugs me from time to time - a few times a week I suppose. Never holds my hand these days.

It's possible to have a good relationship with family without feeling the need to be physically affectionate.

A bit too little Britain for my taste...!

And it would be just as odd for father/daughter to do it.

On the plus side, those who thought it odd would be off like a shot

I don't understand why so many people are saying it's immature behaviour. I'd say it's the opposite. It's a sign of maturity and being confident in yourself.

My daughter does All this, she is 20. DS 23 doesn't actually sit on my knee but if I am laid in bed watching Tv he will lay with me on top of the covers, and other times will kiss my head and hug me. DD will get under the covers and watch with me. Sometimes all three of us will lay on a bed and banter.

I find this thread a little too self congratulatory.
It's not all or nothing in terms of adult members being affectionate. There are varying degrees and other ways to show a family you care without cuddling up on the sofa and hand holding.

Adult sons who are not overly tactile with their mothers can be equally caring, sociable, successful adults. The inference that those who aren't overly physically affectionate turning to "drink, smoking and drugs" or unable to form relationships is absurd.

It's not immature or mature. I'm a mature adult in her 40s but i still hated it when my parents each hugged me at new year.

I actually remember going with some of my parents' friends to see my parents on my mum's birthday - everyone hugged her but me. I see them several times a week so it's not a lack of a relationship

And I wouldn't dream of sitting on the bed like that - any more than they would do that to me

See OP, from your opening post, I think you wanted reactions of it 'was a little odd' or at least you thought it might be a bit removed from the norm, otherwise, you wouldn't have started to list things that sound normal for a little boy of about 9 to do before saying he was nearly 20 in a separate sentence after your long list. If you thought it was normal, I think you would have started off saying he was nearly 20 and then writing the list of things he does.

I think you're over analysing.
So many cynical comments

I find this thread a little too self congratulatory.
It's not all or nothing in terms of adult members being affectionate. There are varying degrees and other ways to show a family you care without cuddling up on the sofa and hand holding.
Absolutely!

Adult sons who are not overly tactile with their mothers can be equally caring, sociable, successful adults. The inference that those who aren't overly physically affectionate turning to "drink, smoking and drugs" or unable to form relationships is absurd.*
I don't think there was any inference.

Oops got my asterisks mixed up!
*I find this thread a little too self congratulatory.
It's not all or nothing in terms of adult members being affectionate. There are varying degrees and other ways to show a family you care without cuddling up on the sofa and hand holding.

Adult sons who are not overly tactile with their mothers can be equally caring, sociable, successful adults. The inference that those who aren't overly physically affectionate turning to "drink, smoking and drugs" or unable to form relationships is absurd.*
I agree there are many ways to show affection.
I don't think there was any inference that if you weren't physically affectionate you would be a "lesser" person......

its lovely.those that blak are inwardly jealous as they don't have this or been able to have with their own parents.
you both no the state of your relationship.that its not sexual or over anything but the love of a mum and son.how you sho that is unique to you.at any age.
I'm tiny compared to my mum and a snuggle with her still.always.i don't no what id do without them holds sometimes.
don't let others make you feel innapropriate.perhaps its not the norm but that doesn't make it wrong.we don't show care or closeness enough anymore for fear of how people will see it.but in the minds of those who are giving the love you both no what it means.
I would advice not coming on ehre for this question.subcontiously the words of others might effect you.
you aren't doing wrong!

Fuck I give up .....

Yeah we are jealous that we don't have to prove our affection by behaving in a culturally unusual way

Secure family relationships don't need physical contact if either party doesn't want that