Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH wasting so much money on trivial events.

152 replies

user1484750550 · 13/04/2017 09:52

This is a bit of a first world problem, but it's been bugging me.

Basically, I have my birthday, Valentines day, Mother's day, Easter, and our wedding anniversary all within a 10 week period (between mid Feb and late April.) Despite my requests to not spend much and that a box of maltesers will do for valentines, and mother's day, and less than a tenner will do for my birthday and our anniversary, and a 99p chocolate egg will do for Easter, DH always spends a lot, and always buys the same things! Confused

For example...

Valentines; a litre of port, a soft toy, a box of milk tray, and a dvd I had never mentioned I wanted. A single red rose.

My birthday; a litre of whiskey, a box of dairy box, a soft toy, a CD I had never mentioned I wanted, and a book I never mentioned I wanted.

Mothers' day (no idea why he buys me anything and I have said he doesn't need to!) A litre of port, a box of milk tray, a soft toy.

Easter ... a bottle of whiskey, a giant chocolate egg, a toy bunny.

Our anniversary; a litre of brandy, a box of milk tray, a soft toy, a dvd, a book I never asked for or wanted.

Each of the 5 occasions he spends between £35 and £45 .. so he is spending around £185-£200 on those 5 events over the 10 weeks.

I have said numerous times that he doesn't need to get anything for Mother's day, and that a single rose and a 50p card will do for Valentines, and if it's not a 'special' birthday (40, 50, for example,) he doesn't need to spend more than a tenner. He ignores what I say every time.

3 years ago I suggested maybe he could get a bit of jewellery when he asked me what I wanted for my birthday, (as I am bored with chocolates, booze, soft toys, CDs, and DVDs!) and Argos do nice silver earrings for less than a tenner. He got a necklace with a diamond in it, and when I saw the transaction on his credit card statement, he had gone to a high street jewellers, and it was over £120! Shock It was not a landmark birthday either!

Thing is, with the money he spends on this stuff that I don't want or need, we could have a long weekend in Paris or London! I currently have THREE boxes of chocolates, a bottle of whiskey, a bottle of port, and a bottle of brandy. I went on a diet in mid Jan and said I am going teetotal too, and yet he has still bought shitloads of booze and chocolate for me. In addition, I am falling over all the effing soft toys he keeps buying!

He doesn't drink and has been on a diet since September, and has instructed me to not buy booze or chocolates. In addition, he has started saying this past couple of years that I should not buy him aftershave, clothes, CD's DVD's, or jewellery, (so I am flat out stuck on what to buy him when anything comes around!) Yet he never adheres to any of my requests.

Sounds like such a first world problem, and I feel like such a cow, but AIBU to feel pissed off by this?

OP posts:
kathkim · 13/04/2017 09:54

I understand where you are coming from, but I do wonder how much sympathy and understanding you are going to get here, having read the MD threads last month Grin

muttrat · 13/04/2017 09:55

I would be repulsed by the soft toys.

Batgirlspants · 13/04/2017 09:58

Bless him he sounds a lovely twat.

Original poster
user1484750550 · 13/04/2017 09:58

I should probably mention as well that we are not loaded! We get by and aren't on (or below) the poverty line, but we are not rich!

I know some people may think I should be grateful to have a DH who gets me gifts, but I just feel he spends way more than he needs to, gets me way more than I want, and that he doesn't listen to me. Confused

I don't spend loads on him, because there is no need. (and he says he doesn't want me to.) I don't ignore his requests and desires, so why does he ignore mine?

OP posts:
Melaniaspilatesinstructor · 13/04/2017 09:58

How odd. Does he secretly want the alcahol and chocolates for himself? The gifts aren't even thoughtful how bizarre.
Just tell him straight.

PovertyPain · 13/04/2017 09:59

What do you say to him when he gives you the items. Do you plaster a smile on or do you pull him on it. If the previous, then you've only yourself to blame. Each time he does it, ask him for the recipe and take the items back to the shops. Seriously' it's not that difficult. If you keep reacting in the same way, you're going to get the same nonsense.

Original poster
user1484750550 · 13/04/2017 10:00

Back in a bit. Smile Just got a few things to do.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 13/04/2017 10:00

That's a lot of booze and chocolate Confused

PeacesofAte · 13/04/2017 10:01

It wouldn't be the money that would piss me off (it doesn't seem that much to spend), but the thoughtless, crap presents. I'd hate to get a soft toy, and cheap booze is a rubbish gift.

Chloe84 · 13/04/2017 10:01

YANBU. Being gifted things I don't need or find frivolous makes me cringe. I'd rather the money be saved for a holiday or something else.

WestWithTheSun · 13/04/2017 10:01

It is rather nice that he is happy to buy you gifts without you having to remind him to - many people would be more than happy to have an OH who actually remembers birthdays and stuff.

Have you actually tried suggesting to him that you would love to go to Paris for a weekend more than anything, and a romantic weekend away would benefit him and how about he plan one of those rather than all the little presents, oh thank you so much darling, I'll love you forever, etc etc? Sometimes men need pushing in the right direction with their gift ideas. He clearly wants to treat you but is barking up the wrong tree. He might be grateful for a pointer towards something you really want.

SleepFreeZone · 13/04/2017 10:02

How about you ask for something off your Amazon wish list or a gift card so you can choose something you want and need. I find with men you have to be explicit. No point in saying 'don't get me much' or 'just get me a 50p card' you need to say I don't want X but I do want Y. Then you are likely to get Y.

wobblywonderwoman · 13/04/2017 10:02

I would ask for vouchers - I think the drink and chocolate are what he wants and the clutter of teddies would annoy me.

Say a hair voucher for your favourite salon. You would need your haircut at some stage.

SillySongsWithLarry · 13/04/2017 10:04

DH used to buy me things that I neither wanted, or needed. I asked him to buy me a Pandora bracelet and each event he buys a charm. He is happy that he gets to buy me a gift, I am happy that it takes up no space. Could you do something similar?

MrsELM21 · 13/04/2017 10:05

Oh bless him, I think he's well meaning it just absolutely rubbish at gifts! Not sure what the solution is, you might as well just accept he's going to by you stuff so see if you can steer him in the direction of things you actually want!

LizzieMacQueen · 13/04/2017 10:07

Litre bottles of booze? Are these from duty free?

Seems a very odd gift for someone who doesn't drink himself. Are you sure he is actually buying these and not fencing them on behalf of a mate.

BarbaraofSeville · 13/04/2017 10:11

Regift all of it back to him for his birthday, father's day, Christmas, Valentines day and next Easter. He may get the message by then.

It's not 'the thought that counts' when there is clearly no thought at all going into these gifts and clearly most of the money he has spent has been totally wasted.

Soft toys especially when it's not your thing are just such as waste.

Albatross26 · 13/04/2017 10:12

batgirlspants crying at 'lovely twat' Grin

Original poster
user1484750550 · 13/04/2017 10:14

Back. Smile Just reading through the replies now.

OP posts:
Cheerybigbottom · 13/04/2017 10:20

Yanbu, these are generic gifts I wouldn't appreciate either. I have to tell my other half directly if i want something 'I love this book, please get me the sequel for my birthday' otherwise I drown in Thorntons. Which I love, but don't feel a treat when you get them for every occasion (cos Tesco is next to his work).

Goldfishjane · 13/04/2017 10:21

That woukd annoy me a lot
Also think he wants the booze and chocs.

Is it an ego thing, saying I bought you all this....?

Deux · 13/04/2017 10:21

Why all the cuddly toys? I find that weird but realise that may be my issue.

Just tell him what you don't want. You can do it gently.

CharliesMummyMCAR · 13/04/2017 10:22

I think he wants you to become alcohol dependant with all the litres of spirits haha

HazelBite · 13/04/2017 10:22

I am amazed at all the booze if he doesn't drink, d you have a problem OP Wink

Seriously Op he obviously wants to spoil you and just lacks imagination. Set up an Amazon wish list at the end of January and tell him the things you have "chosen" are to cover all occasions.

FairytalesAreBullshit · 13/04/2017 10:23

Wow you must like your booze Grin (Only joking)

If it bothers you, could you say to DH, ok this charity, or a couple of charities are close to your heart. Instead of splashing out could he make a donation instead? That way you're not being plied with alcohol and bits.

Another idea could be a Links of London or similar charm bracelet, where he gets a charm for your anniversary, birthday and Christmas. I would say I've got a links of London silver bracelet, over the years silver does get tarnished, so 9 carat gold would be better. It's a shame it starts looking grubby.

Maybe it'll make DH think if you say look there's these charities, I just think a lot is being spent when there's people worse off. Or another idea, agree a sum, go to the Supermarket, spend the agreed amount of shower gel, shampoo, razors on offer, own brand shaving foam, own brand bubble bath, sanitary towels on offer, basics wet wipes which could be used for face washing etc. Then donate it to a food bank.

That might make you feel a bit better. You might even find own brand shampoo & showergel is cheaper than what's on offer, so you'd get more for your money. Apart from say face wipes, not the basics brand, but their own label brand.

Swipe left for the next trending thread