Children watching Peppa Pig on phones in restaurant

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We went for lunch with friends yesterday at the Fifteen restaurant near Newquay. I only mention the place because it has an amazing view of the beach and the sea, which made it all the more surprising that as soon as we sat down, my friend and her husband handed their children (both NT, aged 4 and 6) two phones. For the duration of the meal, the children sat zombie-like and watched Peppa Pig on the screens.

I will admit, I judged.

The parents did not speak to their children and the children were just glued to the screens. My three children aged 8, 5, 3 are not angels but managed to sit through a short meal (main course and then ice cream, no staters, no coffees) without needing screens. I talked to my adult friends and kept an eye on my children, pointing out stuff that was happening outside, large boats passing by, surfers, dogs etc.

Am I am a Luddite? Or am I right to think unlimited access to screens during a meal out is not right?

Perhaps you saw it as the two families going for a family meal out, so wanted to include your kids in the entire experience, and perhaps your friends saw it as a chance to have an adult lunch with their friends and catch up (hence the venue) but their kids were there. So rather than try to force them to participate, or spend the whole time trying to keep them interested whilst having an adult conversation, they took the easy route of giving them something that amused them so their parents could chat and have lunch.

^agree
Both different, neither wrong.

Children of 4 and 6 with no special needs can sit through a meal with other adults and kids without bloody peppa pig. Ffs it's a family meal and a pleasurable occasion. We are wierd in this country.

YANBU I really hate this!!! DS (9) has asd and severe learning difficulties, it would be very easy to sit him down in a restaurant with headphones on and a phone / tablet and leave him in his own little world but I want to interact with him and teach him how to behave so that he can improve his social / life skills. We only use a screen as a last resort if DS can't cope (unexpected delays etc) certainly not as a default.
We have been in situations where ds has been fine in a restaurant until someone has plonked a child down near us with peppa pig playing at full volume.
We eat out a lot and I am shocked at the number of parents who make no attempt to interact with their children, either letting them run riot or giving them a phone, I think it is lazy parenting and very sad.

Yeah, what if your friend comes on here and sees the thread:

'Oh, i went to Fifteen in Newquay yesterday with friends, and i got my 4 and 6 year old kids Peppa to watch on the phones. My friend didn't get any screens out for her kids and loudly talked about boats to them...........But it can't be her slagging me off online, can it?'

We've been out before and given our son his tablet whilst we were eating - and have done so at home. Sometimes it's the only time we can get to eat a hot meal in peace.

Please do tell me how good your children always are at the table and how you always get to eat your meal undisturbed without a distraction....

No not for us Bat girl actually, I would be sat fully interacting with my 4 year old and not talking to the adults at all so the whole thing would be rather pointless for us, a picnic yes, but not a formal expensive restaurant meal. I have sat since she was two looking over with envy at little dc who sit and eat and concentrate on their food.

I find comments like that wholly ignorant.

My kids are autistic. I would no more leave the house without fully charged screens than I would without my clothes on

I'm sure to onlookers we must look rough as, disinterested, like a family with nothing to say to each other. Never mind.

Mind your own business OP. I can't imagine you can have enjoyed your meal as much as you might given all the time spent huffing and puffing. Good I hope you didn't.

I have very mixed feelings on this. DH do not take DS to adult restaurants, although we're lucky to have a support network which means he doesn't have to come. Maybe your friends weren't in the position that they could leave their DC and so had to bring them. But when we do take him, there is absolutely no screen time and an expectation that we involve him in our conversation.

It's maybe a bit strange that your own kids were there and they still gave them screens, imo. As a rule, if we're out with childless couples we don't take DS but if there's going to be some other kids there/us with our families then we do. It means we don't have to monitor the 'vibe' as much.

You don't even know if it's a regular thing, of if the parents left them because they were with friends and wanted a quiet meal with you, instead of kids monopolising the attention, and frankly making themselves a nuisance.

I don't know your friends, so I can't judge. My family doesn't have one rule when we eat out. It depends who we are with, what we have been doing that day and the plans for the evening, how tired I am.
Sometimes, it's nice to sit down, have a quiet glass of wine with your husband whilst the kids watch their cartoons. Sometimes we have been up and entertaining them since 6am, the kids are tired and we chose to have a quiet and pleasant evening for everybody. Other people have babysitters and go on their own.

Your posts sound very judgmental.

babba

Unless you have CCTV access to every moment of their lives judging them on a few hours in a restaurant is ignorant.

Its ironic actually because its attitudes like this and the looks that come with them in restaurants and out and about make the whole thing so utterly painful for parents like us with very busy active little DC.

Very rude of the other family, poor dc, if even your own parents can't be arsed to interact with you at a social event! The one saving grace is imagine what their behaviour would have been like without the full on screens? My experience teaches me they would have been running round the restaurant disturbing all and sundry before attacking my dc and the parents B/SIL indulgently smile and whimper don't do that.

I hate seeing children do this so mine don't. However, it does mean most of my meals out with them are wrecked by trying to keep a lid on their behaviour or engaging them constantly so there is no adult conversation. Think your friends are far cleverer than us.

'But children of 4 and 6 with no special needs, shouldn't be disturbing diners hmm they are well old enough to eat a meal and chat.'

Completely agree. I can't quite believe this needs to be pointed out.

Of course you have been flamed and accused of being 'judgey' (a hanging offence on MN you know) and accused of 'performance parenting', which seems to be to be otherwise known as 'talking to your children'. What a surprise. I completely agree with you - I find it downright sad that those parents shoved screens at their children and ignored them during what could have been a lovely afternoon out together.

Bit Chav ?

Let me tell you something here . DD works in a café/restaurant (depending what part you eat in). Its rarely the "Chav" types give their kids phones and tablets .. . No its more your "Nanny is off and I must have this naice lunch and Ill have to take the children !!" type who give them such access .

Don't let that get in the way of your chav bashing though will you

OP I completely agree with you.

Personally I prefer not to take screens at all in restaurants. We do not have games on our phones so that solves that problem and I would never take a tablet or similar as I just would not see the point or even remember it. I may bring some books/colouring books if I remember to!
It is good for kids to learn to be 'bored'/to wait. Similarly for car journeys, we only put the dvd players/get the toys out etc if the journey is long (4-5 hours - if the journey is 1-2 hours then we don't have any screens and usually not much going on except music in the car).

Tbh its not so much out of particular high principles in parenting but more laziness; its a pain having to remember to bring toys etc with us for things like meals out or even short-ish journeys (around 1 hour) which could be decided at the last moment. Much easier if the kids are used to sitting through a meal/drive without screens/toys and enjoying it.

Whilst I can understand helping the kids pass the time whilst waiting for the meal I would definitely consider it a very habit to have kids eating their meals in front of their screens. It is known to have a detrimental impact on food digestion and to lead to bad eating habits so I would definitely not encourage that (whether this is out and about or at home - but all the more so if we are going out to eat some particular nice food!!)

What watchful said.

We have plenty of family friends who we go out to lunch with who don't know my DS has autism and ADHD. We don't disclose that information. You can't know all the details of the family.

You do what works for your family, they do what works for them. I agree with you that our kids wouldn't have screens at the table but I'd just be thankful that they were keeping their kids quiet so you could all enjoy the meal.

Didn't your kids try and watch the Peppa Pig? Mine would have!

Not sure why this is bothering you so much.

It frustrates me a bit that people judge parents based on isolated situations like this. For example, I would normally never offer DS a screen at a restaurant unless he was obviously getting agitated and the food was a long time in coming. However, very recently my husband and I did give DS Peppa Pig on my tablet throughout the whole meal. The reason was that DS had been awake half the night and we had spent the entire day working hard to find fun things to interest a very tired, grumpy little boy (we were on holiday). By the time evening had come around, we were all absolutely exhausted and it was a relief for DH and I to relax and chat to each other quietly while DS got to chill out with his favourite programme and some nice food.

I think the point is that it's not unusual for us to see parents doing things they ordinarily wouldn't dream of doing because they just happen to be especially tired/frustrated/distracted etc. at that particular time. Occasionally the 'rule book' just has to go out the window! Could that be the case for your friends?

I also have a child with asd and severe learning difficulties and I don't care what others do with their children in restaurants as long as it is not winding my son up ( so not anything that is avoidable loud or involves running around).

Amethyst
Yes,of course it could.

A large amount of posters DCs seem to love Peppa Pig . My youngest DC are now of an age when its more Marvel Heroes etc they watch but Peppa Pig was relatively new when they were small , and yes they watched it . Even went in for merchandise at the time.

I don't mind screens at restaurants (certain restaurants, obviously anywhere with purposefully dim/romantic lighting at night isn't ok) but I don't think it's ok to hand over screens immediately after sitting down. At least get through ordering first, then turn off devices while eating.

Even if the kids have form for being annoying, that's just going to ensure the problem is never fixed.

I am looking forward to the friend's post, about the irritating performance parents she went to lunch with who ruined it by performatively interacting with their kids the whole time. Her kids were so embarrassed by the performance they refused to look up from peppa pig (which the six year-old hasn't watched for three years), in case they were interacted with.

I don't think it's ok but i wouldn't have judged
It could have been the last straw for all you know after a series of disastrous meals out... If they do it all the time every meal out then no it's not ok but without their family back story you have no way of knowing.
I think the parents should have tried to engage their kids in conversation a bit though. But as i said they may have needed some down time too!
I've put the TV on for my DC more than once so dining I'd enjoyable for the other guests too and as pp has said fifteen isn't cheap. They maybe didn't want to ruin it .
I see your point but unless you know everything that's happened before then it's maybe not totally fair to judge

I agree with you OP.
But these threads never go well, because all those who do the same don't like the fact that some people judge their parenting.

SolomonDaisy
😜
I can assure you, there was no performance parenting!