To want to raise unconscious racism issue with the hospital?

[funnyface80]

Trying to keep a long story short. Baby is mixed race and no one has ever questioned whether baby was mine before as she looks like us although more white than asian. Nanny is white. We are in hospital with a very distressed baby who only wants to be in my arms and we are waiting for some help. A&E notes talk about accident where both mum and nanny present. Doctor 1 comes into the room and starts talking to nanny as if she was mum even though baby clearly with me. I stop her questioning and say I'm mum as nanny would not have been able to answer these questions. No apology just a quizzical look. Later as we wait for further treatment, baby even more distressed and DH now present, Doctor 2 comes in and asks who is who. We introduce ourselves as mum and dad and then Doctor 2 (Asian) proceeds to talk to nanny as if mum. I say again quite firmly that I am mum. No apology. This time I'm quite cross as baby again in my arms and yet doctor simply ignored me when she walked in. Should I raise this unconscious bias with the hospital so their staff are thought to be more respectful and less racist even if its without malice?

Floggingmolly No I did not. I said " clearly lots of closet racists that prickle at the mention of anything vaguely that - based on what I've experienced before" Are you here to help a discussion or bully me?

I'm not bullying you, please . You mentioned your loved one's being at the receiving end of a sub par, or dangerous service in the past.
How is that relevant to your recent experience?

Floggingmolly It is

I don't think it was rascist. I think they are rushed off their feet and families are ever more complex in their make up.

I can see that you think it is.

Technically it is unconscious bias not racism. I've just been on a course...

I see where you're coming from though op.

Calling people that don't agree with you closest racists is going to get a lot of backs up.

It's things like this that give the real racists the ammunition to justify what's they believe.

funny welcome to the world where you can say something like 'lots of closet racists' and some people decide you mean 'everyone who disagrees with me is a racist'. Then it will become fact and you'll be bundled on.

Fwiw I still think you should complain about the staff not listening to you properly, especially the second dr.

You said the nanny was there when the problem/accident started.
When the second dr knew who was who could he/she been asking the nanny questions as they were the adult present rather than any racial bias?

This is the sort of thing that makes me very grumpy. As a junior doctor many years ago I was always taught never to make assumptions; I always went in and asked who was who so I could speak to the appropriate person, esp with children as there was often a group present! I taught this to all my juniors. Don't think it is related to pressure and being busy, maybe just worse manners? And also possible unconscious bias; I would write in and raise the issue.

Thanks emummy - good to have a doctors view on this. I really did not want this conversation to descend so quickly to so much nastiness. All I wanted was some good honest non-malicious views on what I should do.

Yes but perhaps the Dr's had just come from dealing with someone who had suffered a stroke, or heart attack, or an accident victim...someone who they couldn't save...maybe they have been doing this for the past 12 hours.

Then came to help you and got confused - possibly because your baby was very distressed. Unfortunately they just spoke to the wrong person in the room. That pissed you off and (I think) you think it is because of the colour of your skin.

I'm a HCP. I think you should feed it back but not as a complaint.

I make mistakes all the time with accompanying adult identification. Every time I vow to stop guessing (are you grandma? to an older Mum is a killer) and start asking. I usually do so for a few weeks and then time pressure leads me to take shortcuts again. For some reason it is quicker (and feels less rude) to get a nod to the question are "are you X's Mum and Dad?" Than it takes to get an answer to "and who are you?"

I have a diverse social circle, I have several friends in same-sex relationships with children, my nephew and other children I love are mixed race mixed race (I'm white). I've had the assumption that I can't be his aunt/ accompanying adult because of my skin colour.

Yet I still make mistakes at work. I haven't had the experience of racism that I occasionally get a glimpse of from my non-White friends but in this case i suspect it was more a case of someone not thinking or not listening.

My mother got this a lot. She's mostly Native American, with dark hair, skin, and eyes. My brother is like her but my sister and I have very light skin, blue eyes, and light brown hair like our dad. To top it off, my sister's hair is extremely curly, to the extent that my mother was once asked (in our very small town) who my sister's father was! By curly, I mean the type of curls you would normally see on mixed-race children, only... almost blonde. Very awkward.

having been subject to it - I know the tone. It's always badged as a problem with the receivers perception

This!

I think this board might be more useful for this discussion
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/multicultural_families

You could play bingo on a thread like this.

"Over sensitive"
"Chip on shoulder"
"Looking for offence"

Every time. It really riles me.

But even knowing the worst of MN as I do, even I have been shocked by the hostility of the majority of posters on this thread. I would usually defend MN to the hilt, but I've been quite disturbed, actually.

If it's upset you that much put in a complaint to PALS. I just think it's a non issue. You might get an apology you might not, it will cost the NHS money to process it but if you really feel that you were treated in a racist manner then report it. Clearly many on here feel differently but it's your decision.

I've just spent 3wks at the mercy of the NHS and it's not perfect but they sure as hell work really hard. I made a complaint once and I thought long and hard about it and I received a 2 page personal apology from the nurse regarding the way she spoke and touched my then 3yr old. I felt they had dealt with the situation appropriately. If you're looking for an apology you may or may not get one. I'd probably be grateful my child was coming home well and leave it (well I would as I wouldn't consider it an issue worth complaining about).

No different to a friend of mine who'd an older mam being spoken to like shes her childs grandma! (Lots of younger grandmas in my area e.g. 40s-50s is normal).

Lazy thinking perhaps, but nothing malicious. Certainly not a racism issue to raise at all.

hey

do you notice the irony too in OP asks about unconscious bias in the dr's communication style - and those poster's response style?

The op is subjected to nasty digs about having her nanny accompany her to hospital and it's implied that she's lacking as a parent because she's able to have another thought while there with her sick child.

When she finally reacts (understandably) and says there seem to be some closet racists lurking here, her every word is picked apart and analysed by a bunch of playground bullies.

I feel bad for you op and I'm wondering why you even bothered to disturb this hornets' nest.

Not odd to take nanny to the hospital at all. Ours cared for both sons from 6 weeks to 11 and 8 years old and was almost a second mother, she took ds2 to hospital when he needed stitches to his head after falling into the fireplace and I was stuck at work. Nannies are a big part of family life when they live in.

And another thing - of course it is racist if the doctor assumes the Asian woman is the nanny. Less of, this trivialisation of it please, bein Nhs and busy is no excuse.

My child is blond and blue eyed and we have dark hair and we get questioned a lot.
I don't know if it is unconscious bias or racism. It will be tough to find out and it is pretty unfair to accuse the docs unless they said something offensive.
Sorry it isn't probably helpful or what you want to hear.

Legally a racist incident is one which is perceived as being such by the victim or any other person, to extrapolate to this situation the op's perception is what we need to look at.

I'm sure intent is taken into account...