To want to raise unconscious racism issue with the hospital?

[funnyface80]

Trying to keep a long story short. Baby is mixed race and no one has ever questioned whether baby was mine before as she looks like us although more white than asian. Nanny is white. We are in hospital with a very distressed baby who only wants to be in my arms and we are waiting for some help. A&E notes talk about accident where both mum and nanny present. Doctor 1 comes into the room and starts talking to nanny as if she was mum even though baby clearly with me. I stop her questioning and say I'm mum as nanny would not have been able to answer these questions. No apology just a quizzical look. Later as we wait for further treatment, baby even more distressed and DH now present, Doctor 2 comes in and asks who is who. We introduce ourselves as mum and dad and then Doctor 2 (Asian) proceeds to talk to nanny as if mum. I say again quite firmly that I am mum. No apology. This time I'm quite cross as baby again in my arms and yet doctor simply ignored me when she walked in. Should I raise this unconscious bias with the hospital so their staff are thought to be more respectful and less racist even if its without malice?

Is this non issue still rumbling on?

funnyface well then I think it's definitely worthwhile giving feedback - it's relied on to keep standards high.

Ignore people saying it's a non issue.

Christ, this is a nasty thread. How dare the OP have a nanny!

Don't be ridiculous, badtime

how many patients do the staff see per shift though?
Like i said, my sunt and mil were called my mom in appointments!
It doesn't mean it's racism, forgot who was who, assumed you were both mom?

I don't understand all the digs about the nanny though.
If i was looking after someone who had an accident i'd want to go with them to see if they were ok?

It's got nothing to do with the nanny, ffs! I think people must actually invent responses to get angry about, when they aren't there.

I find it weird that so many people are SO INVESTED in telling OP she is wrong to perceive it as a racial issue. Especially given context - I get that this is AIBU etc but come on, OP's baby has been unwell enough to need a trip to A&E, where is the fucking compassion?

All of this shit about 'can't you handle a changing bag' etc...

I am a lone parent. I have done all A&E visits bar one completely alone. Yes I managed. Yes it was fine. And yes it was so much easier, in every way, the one time I had another adult (my mum) with me. Looking around the waiting area, almost no families had only one adult in them, and in most cases the second adult also went into the consulting room with the patient and parent. Only on fucking mumsnet is it the case that not doing every damn thing by yourself all of the time is unusual or weird or wrong.

I think it was clear it was unconscious bias - worth commenting on, but OTOH, it was A&E, staff are hugely overstretched, and - unless it had an impact on the baby's care - is it something that the OP needs to take further?

I'm not sure ... it is immensely wearing to have to deal with this sort of thing all the time - those of us with some forms of privilege (eg white privilege) might not realise this.

OTOH, what do you want to achieve from this OP? I think it's worth thinking about that.

It's got nothing to do with the nanny, ffs! I think people must actually invent responses to get angry about, when they aren't there

They're certainly there, Nabob - these are all from the first page of the thread:

However why, If mum and dad are present, is the nanny also there? it's a whole other world to me!

Doctor probably assumed you were grandma if you were there with your dh, as it is very odd to bring your nanny with you in the hospital room.

Yes, this is what I don't get: why is the nanny there?

Did the nanny offer to come, or did you ask her? Most parents can cope with a baby, change bags, medics etc...

On a side note though, you need a nanny to deal with change bags?

And that's leaving aside those with significant comprehension issues who thought that 'the nanny' was a convoluted way of referring to the baby's grandmother, though God knows why the OP wouldn't say 'my mother' or 'MIL'.

So, yes, I think it's safe to say that the mention that the OP has a nanny fed into the often vitriolic and condescending accusations of being 'professionally offended' the OP has met with on the thread, not to mention a lot of people. presumably many of whom enjoy white privilege, telling a non-white woman that she must be imagining that unconscious bias exists.

I find it weird that so many people are SO INVESTED in telling OP she is wrong to perceive it as a racial issue. Especially given context - I get that this is AIBU etc but come on, OP's baby has been unwell enough to need a trip to A&E, where is the fucking compassion?
Well said NellWilson.

My Chinese American friend gets mistaken for the nanny regularly, even though her baby is also clearly of Chinese heritage. So yes it definitely happens.

But do I think it's worth raising it for an environment like a&e? I thought her opinion was more relevant than mine, so I asked her. She said fuck no, let the doctors do their job. BUT she will carry on educating people in a less pressurised environment.

Thanks NellWilsonsWhiteHair and Chavelita - could not have said it better myself so thank you. So much nastiness and lack of empathy its pretty shocking and clearly lots of closet racists that prickle at the mention of anything vaguely that - even if I said it wasn't malicious (in this instance). I know its AIBU but all I was wanted was a sensible discussion - not this virtual vitriolic thread its descended into.

Closet racists? No, I don't think so.

Of course Floggingmolly you must be right.

OP- I had a thread on AIBU on a very sensitive issue and got much the same treatment which felt like bullying at times. Other threads seem to have similar things but MN feel the debate on AIBU is more 'robust' than others and so don't feel the need to weigh in when things get nasty.

Don't let it get to you, OP. There's a particular strand on Mn, which seems to get magnified on AIBU, which glories in accusing people of 'overthinking' and being 'professionally offended'. Often it seems to come down to 'I've never thought about X, and you shouldn't either.' Sometimes, as in your case, the hoary old 'playing the race card' seems to hover in the background.

In your shoes, I'd raise it with PALS as an education issue, if you haven't already. I've not read all the thread, but I hope your child is OK.

But the OP herself has come onto Mumsnet asking AIBU, not looking for compassion or support because if the incident with her child! SHE chose the focus of the thread ffs!

not looking for compassion or support so what? It doesn't exactly give the green light for people to go on and on about the fact she has a nanny and make it ok for general nastiness does it?

OP, you asked if we thought this was an incident of racism. The answer was either No, with a few Maybe's and you've come back and accused everyone who disagreed with you as racists.

And nobody is criticising you having a nanny, but when you stated she was 'there to hold the changing bag' you sounded precious. I also wonder if the nanny had an air of the parent - did you hold back and defer to the nanny in an subordinate sort of way??

The NHS staff do a fantastic job despite cutbacks and tough working conditions.

IsangforLadyArcher no I didn't label all that disagreed as racists but having been subject to it - I know the tone. It's always badged as a problem with the receivers perception. Yes NHS usually do staff a fantastic job but when you or you're loved one is at the receiving end of a sub par or in the past dangerous service - it isn't good enough.

Then complain about the dangerous service?

Is that everybody who disagree a 'closet racist'
I disagreed, yet don't think i have been mean to the op, nor have i agreed with the digs about the nanny.
Is it just certain people who are?

Are you conflating several different experiences into one, op? . If you've had a previous bad experience with an NHS medic you should have at the time / need to now deal with that as a separate issue.
Taking the mindset that the NHS is inherently racist into all further interactions with them is rather foolish.

Floggingmolly Taking the mindset that NHS is inherently racist SERIOUSLY??? When did I say that?

You've accused everyone who didn't agree with your annoyance as being closet racists...