To want to raise unconscious racism issue with the hospital?

[funnyface80]

Trying to keep a long story short. Baby is mixed race and no one has ever questioned whether baby was mine before as she looks like us although more white than asian. Nanny is white. We are in hospital with a very distressed baby who only wants to be in my arms and we are waiting for some help. A&E notes talk about accident where both mum and nanny present. Doctor 1 comes into the room and starts talking to nanny as if she was mum even though baby clearly with me. I stop her questioning and say I'm mum as nanny would not have been able to answer these questions. No apology just a quizzical look. Later as we wait for further treatment, baby even more distressed and DH now present, Doctor 2 comes in and asks who is who. We introduce ourselves as mum and dad and then Doctor 2 (Asian) proceeds to talk to nanny as if mum. I say again quite firmly that I am mum. No apology. This time I'm quite cross as baby again in my arms and yet doctor simply ignored me when she walked in. Should I raise this unconscious bias with the hospital so their staff are thought to be more respectful and less racist even if its without malice?

what ShoutOut said

The assumption is that the Asian is the hired help. That's shit. I get that it's A&E and that it will be frantic but a quick apology wouldn't go amiss before carrying on discussing medical histories.

@slightlyglitterbrained I haven't decided what's racist- there are actual definitions of the what racism is!

What happened here is not racism. Racism is defined as "prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one's own race is superior" Unconscious bias is hardly this. The OP's daughter was (until we hear other wise) treated appropriately by the doctors.

When you have walked a mile in the shoes of someone who has spent their whole life fighting & studying racial prejudice on many levels - then come and tell me what is racist and what is not.

And I'm not picking anyone's battles... the OP has come on and asked opinions on mumsnet. This is mine as a brown person and it seems to have been easily minimised and overlooked by a lot of people (whom I can only assume are white until they say other wise?) Oh the irony!

I'm sorry the OP felt frustrated by the situation - I do understand but every brown/black voice is important in debates around race - not just the one that suits your world view.

Not sure why nanny is there. Hope dd better soon.

Its you who has decided your view is the correct one and is minimising the OP's view..

X posted..i meant sunshine

Op yANBU but you will never be met with approval on mN for criticising the NHS..many people think that because it is underfunded short of money doctors should be able to speak to you however they like and we must all be grateful.

OP this sounds like classic bias and must have been distressing and frustrating. I'm sorry you went through it. I hope your baby is fine now. I agree with opinions expressed up thread to concentrate on your baby right now, but to raise the issue with the hospital later when you're up to it.

I dont think you're being at all unreasonable to be upset by it and while I understand A & E staff have really difficult jobs to do, communication is key to them being as successful as they can be - that means, in part, not making these kinds of assumptions. It's the sort of mistake people make a lot. Mental shortcuts are one of the ways we make the world an easier place to navigate, and most of us have been told, especially by the media, time and time again that the young Asian woman with the kids is a nanny so it's easy to let our brains shortcut to that - but it's not OK to do it, especially in a professional setting. It's an important matter to raise when you have the time and space to concentrate on it.

YANBU it's happened to myself and almost every black/Asian mother of a mixed-race child that I know. And there's nothing wrong with having a nanny or taking her to the hospital especially as she was the one there for the accident and could probably recount the circumstances best.

OP hope your baby is okay?

Assumptions about parents can happen to everyone. I am white but with quite curly, dark brown hair. I took my very blonde DD and her mixed race friend out last week. We were doing an activity. The woman organising the activity took some convincing that I was DD's mother and not her friend's!

OP it is, without any doubt, unconscious racism. I find there is little point in discussing issues with racism on MN because the majority of users disregard anything that isn't blatant right-wing, out-there racism.
Disregarding racism from those who are actually experiencing it is often a red flag that the person is a closet racist. Whether they realise it or not.

I am a foster carer and currently look after a little girl from another race. If I happen to be out with her and any friends from that race, others automatically assume they are the parent. I have never taken this as racism, just seems logical.

FFs that's not racism. Concentrate on your poorly baby and brush the mahoosive chip off your shoulder

One of my children doesn't look anything like me. She's very similar in colouring to one of my friends though (we're both white, just the difference between being blonde with golden skin and being very pale with dark hair) and people often assume she's my friends daughter.

I think that if it is simply this, then it is not racism.

It might not be simply this though.

I started thinking, "why would you bring it up with the hospital?" but if it was they assumption they'd made without checking their facts/the relationship, then it probably is something. It wouldn't take 2 seconds to ask "who's mum?"

Except that then some people would complain about that too...

Why racism? A doctor who has probably seen hundreds of different families already that shift, comes in and sees 3 adults and a baby - do you expect them to have special powers to divine who is who? Is it sexism because they directed their comments towards 'mum' rather than dad? The main thing is that your child was dealt with correctly

Well madcat given that OP clearly said the doctor did ask who the mum was and then continued to speak to the nanny and the dad I reckon there's probably more to it...

If after you'd pointed or who you were they continued to talk to the nanny that isn't right. But I always ask who is with the child when they arrive on the ward, they could be Mum, grandma, foster caret, sister, friend, anyone.

People assume all sorts of things without knowing, went to a midwife appointment at 30+ weeks and my DF gave me a lift & waited in the waiting room for me. I swear there were some funny looks from the staff!

Why are people giving the op such a hard time? Its one thing to disagree, but some people are being really harsh and personal with their criticism.
Is it so hard to imagine being frantically worried about a poorly child in A&E? That you may not be as perfectly calm, cool, and collected as normal? ("changing bags have straps!" snide remarks)
That, even if you think the OP is focusing on the wrong thing, you can't imagine why you may be more easily upset and sensitive when holding your sick, screaming baby?
That you may well be really pissed off by something that seems trivial to others, because you're already in a serious situation? That even if there are plenty of "more important things" to worry about, you can still find something incredibly hurtful, that in calmer situations may not bother you so much?

wtf happened to empathy?

And, racist or not, doctors should be paying attention to what parents say in A&E why bother asking questions if you immediately ignore the answer? I know they are overworked and the NHS is underfunded, but surely a DR not listening to the answer of a question they just asked makes dangerous mistakes more likely to happen?

I do wonder if the OP had written "friend" instead of nanny, people would be less quick to judge, but maybe not.

But if you're in the U.K., MOST NANNIES HERE AREN'T ASIAN. So this makes no sense.

I do wonder if the OP had written "friend" instead of nanny, people would be less quick to judge, but maybe not

nope, I get hacked off with stroppy people seeing racism where it doesn't exist. The NHS is theepitome of multiculturism in the UK. To say the doctor was racist is frankly ridiculous

So doctors see two women (one white, one Asian), one man (white) & one baby (more white than Asian). Doctor speaks to woman who more closely resembles baby.
Racism? Seriously?! How the hell are doctors supposed to know?

It's not really racist though is it? Someone has seen a white looking child with one white and one brown adult and made the perfectly reasonable assumption that the adult who looks a closer colour match to the child is its parent. Maybe stop trying so hard to be offended? And let the doctors just get on with their jobs instead of pestering them about imagined racial slurs, which will no doubt lead to the hospital wasting a load of time and NHS money on some wanky awareness course for all healthcare practitioners...

LadyPW: Read the OP.
Doctors ask who the mum is (fine), then proceed to ignore what they've been told and speak to the other woman as though she was the mum.
You're right - how would they know? That's why they should ask, and then listen to what the parents say.

Unconscious bias is not the same as racism so someone isn't (necessarily) racist if they are unconsciously bias (or a closet rascist)

Strawberrygate have youbexperience of racism? If not, you're probably not half as sick of 'stroppy people' as they are of being discriminated against.

I've been mistaken for my children's nanny and also their grandmother on more than one occasion.

I just shrug it off and love in. Who cares what some random assumes?