To want to raise unconscious racism issue with the hospital?

[funnyface80]

Trying to keep a long story short. Baby is mixed race and no one has ever questioned whether baby was mine before as she looks like us although more white than asian. Nanny is white. We are in hospital with a very distressed baby who only wants to be in my arms and we are waiting for some help. A&E notes talk about accident where both mum and nanny present. Doctor 1 comes into the room and starts talking to nanny as if she was mum even though baby clearly with me. I stop her questioning and say I'm mum as nanny would not have been able to answer these questions. No apology just a quizzical look. Later as we wait for further treatment, baby even more distressed and DH now present, Doctor 2 comes in and asks who is who. We introduce ourselves as mum and dad and then Doctor 2 (Asian) proceeds to talk to nanny as if mum. I say again quite firmly that I am mum. No apology. This time I'm quite cross as baby again in my arms and yet doctor simply ignored me when she walked in. Should I raise this unconscious bias with the hospital so their staff are thought to be more respectful and less racist even if its without malice?

You are yet again missing the point to suit whatever your agenda Floggingmolly This post is about Unconscious Bias gettit?

There is always more outrage and uproar when people are called out on their closet racism (or "unconscious bias" because it seems that "racism" is a slur on here) than there is about the fact that people are actually experiencing racism on a daily basis right under your noses and it just goes unnoticed. I would say "typical MN" but actually MN reflects a much wider part of society who share the views of people on here.

How about, instead of dismissing people's experiences (ones that you will never, ever experience and therefore probably won't even notice these "minor" incidents), you listen to what people who do experience them say, understand how they would feel in these situations and use that outrage to challenge this "unconscious bias" in both yourselves and your peers?

Here's the thing. People have unconscious biases, equally people just get tbings wrong. My mam and I have been misken for siblings, my friend was a teen mam and people woukd think she was a sibling/babysitter.
Its a big jump to go from somebody just not paying attention to reporting something for racism.
Before putting in a complaint/reporting somebody Id always think about the outcome.
If a rushed dr gets a smack over the wrists for mistaking mum & a note on gheir file for racism is that what Id want? No.

OP I am really sorry that you've been treated so badly on this thread by some people. It doesn't represent MN as a whole. Most of us are kind!

I think it's very easy for people to sit here and type 'non issue' or 'you are looking for offence' when the majority of us sitting here and writing that will have the privilege of being white.

Uncomfortable reading to be honest.

I hope your baby is better soon

A lot of nasty sentiments on this thread. Very telling.

I understand totally what funnyface80 is saying. It's simply not on for a professional to behave in this way. I would make PALS aware of your concerns.

Hope your baby is better now, and I hope you also know that there are people on MN who absolutely get what you mean.

Waitrose-
Its possible to empathise with the OP without thinking that launching a racism complaint over a poorly judged but (perhaps, we dont know what the baby/nanny looks like) logical conclusion from busy healthcare staff is the best way forward.

Ive seen many people be asked 'are you mum? Are you dad?' Ive also known brother be spoken to like he's childs dad, when hes their uncle. Logical conclusion man + women + child who has family resemblance = mam and dad. Yes, thry got it wrong but hes not going to go around saying thats a training need

I didn't say she should make a racism complaint though. I don't know what she should do to be honest.

Bloody hell. Think it's fair to say unconscious bias is alive and well...

OP, we've had this exact thing with HCPs and others. It's a thing. Definitely raise it, and keep talking about it - it's the only way people will learn that UB exists and is pernicious.

Solidarity!

Good grief.

Op, what a horrible experience for you.

If I was at home with a nanny and there was an accident in which a baby was hurt and as distressed as the OP describes, of course you would both bundle everything up and go together. One to drive, deal with the parking machine, one to comfort the baby etc.

Why would a parent either leave the nanny at home under those circumstances? The nanny would WANT to come along.

Have people no imagination or empathy? How can this be 'weird' or something to be snarky about to a mother who has a hurt baby?

And actually there are so many occasions where men / white people / people in authority look through or talk over Asian women.

What WaitrosePigeon said. The treatment of the OP is a disgrace to MN, really.

Is AIBU a section especially for embittered aggressive unaware people to get their kicks? How does it fit with the 'Mumsnet Philosophy'?

Just to support the nanny coming along - we have a nanny and when my son was about 10 months old we were both at home (not sure why) and he was in an accident. We both went to the hospital - why on earth would I not take her? She was worried as well, it's not like there was anything she needed to do at home!

Been thinking some more about this thread.
I don't think its necessarily racism (maybe it is, I am not sure), but it is definitely an example of unconscious bias. I am white, and do not know what it is like to be on the receiving end of this sort of thing, but I must admit that there have been times in the past when I've been guilty of unconscious bias. Maybe raise it with the hospital as "feedback" rather than a complaint, iyswim? Up to you, but I think a very carefully worded letter would achieve more.

I do see parallels here with minor incidents of sexism - especially with the way some people are reacting to it.
Like the unconscious assumption that the only woman in a meeting is there to make the tea. Or a car salesman telling everything technical to the husband, even if it was the wife who asked the question. Or friends asking if someone's dh is "babysitting" the kids that night.
Is it malicious, or horribly misogenistic? - No.
Is it deliberate? - No.
Is it the worst example of sexism women have to face? - No.
But it is incredibly annoying, especially when it happens over and over and over.

Suggesting that you should not be upset, because its not "real" racism is like telling a woman they have no right to be even mildly annoyed by everyday sexism because women in other parts of the world have it worse.

Surely the priority for an parent and any doctor is successful treatment? Why on earth would any parent be concerned about anything else?
Perspective is required.

...any parent...

user, I think that effective communication between parent and doctor is important to ensure the best treatment. The doctor did not listen to the op - that matters.

Plus, I may be projecting a lot about how I would feel, but if I was really worried about the health of my baby, I think that I would feel more sensitive to someone mistaking me for the nanny than normal, not less. Going all pop psychology: I would feel even more protective of the link between me and my child if I was worried about losing that child. We don't know how serious the illness was, but I can remember when my dd was a baby even minor health problems got me thinking about worse case scenarios.

I love the NHS, and have a lot of respect for doctors, but I do not think they should be above criticism.

I think the nanny goat had the right idea.

I assumed that the hospital staff was focussed on the child and just assumed who was who.

I've been assumed to be the daughter of my mil, grandmother to my child (bloody cheek), nanny to my child (I am pale red haired and he is dark) and daughter of my sister. My dad was often asked if he was our real dad as he was dark and we are all red haired (queue many milkman jokes). Mum was quite ill and dad looked very young so it had been assumed a few times that he was husband number 2.

People assume by a cursory look and on the basis of what they see. Not racism to assume a dark child is not the child of a peely-wally mum. My Indian colleague has two very blonde girls and jokes that she kidnapped them.

The nanny probably confused the issue by being there.

As long as the baby is ok.

How do you know that the op is "more bothered" about?

I'll decide who deserves my sympathy.

Sod off.