To want to raise unconscious racism issue with the hospital?

[funnyface80]

Trying to keep a long story short. Baby is mixed race and no one has ever questioned whether baby was mine before as she looks like us although more white than asian. Nanny is white. We are in hospital with a very distressed baby who only wants to be in my arms and we are waiting for some help. A&E notes talk about accident where both mum and nanny present. Doctor 1 comes into the room and starts talking to nanny as if she was mum even though baby clearly with me. I stop her questioning and say I'm mum as nanny would not have been able to answer these questions. No apology just a quizzical look. Later as we wait for further treatment, baby even more distressed and DH now present, Doctor 2 comes in and asks who is who. We introduce ourselves as mum and dad and then Doctor 2 (Asian) proceeds to talk to nanny as if mum. I say again quite firmly that I am mum. No apology. This time I'm quite cross as baby again in my arms and yet doctor simply ignored me when she walked in. Should I raise this unconscious bias with the hospital so their staff are thought to be more respectful and less racist even if its without malice?

Some people call au pairs the nanny, some nannies are shared, it is becoming more common to have a nanny, but probably not as common for them to go to the hospital with you.

Oh fgs it's not racism!!

How do you navigate through life if this offends you??

I don't think it's necessary to have all these snide comments about the OP having a nanny, is it?

Didn't you have a similar thread before this where someone thought you were the baby's nanny? I said the same thing I am saying here. This is not racism. No one discriminated against you. It may be ignorance or even carelessness. If you were repeatedly ignored AFTER saying you were mum that might be different. But once you clarified who you were, you were treated as the parent. I would let it go and focus on your child.
ps I am Asian. And my nanny is Caucasian.

And I ask this gently, are YOU struggling with the fact that your baby doesn't look like you but like the other parent?

I act as an occasional assistant to a childless disabled friend "becca" (who is a few months younger than me. We look similar ages). One consultant said he was delighted to meet "becca's daughter". We were both wtaf?
The mistake was corrected verbally. Then appeared on the report returned to frien's GP. They just don't absorb it all.

Sounds like a mix up, and an understandable one st that!

All those questioning nanny presence, it was the nature of what had happened and I'd rather not go into too much detail. Not trying to look for issues either - it was just very frustrating.
Thanks HeyRoly

It's not racism. It is, at a push, unconscious bias (you seem to have used both terms as if they are interchangeable- they most certainly aren't not).

It would be over egging things incredibly to make a complaint over this. I find cases of unconscious bias facinating - but as there is no malintent behind it, I can't ever get mad about about.

I'm Asian. I have mixed race babies too. This hasn't happened to me - but I think that's because it's only ever been me and my husband at any hospital visits/medical appointments.

Did they treat your baby satisfactorily? Or did they refuse to treat your child due to race? Anything like that at all? If not, then... well, life is good.

I hope your little one is on the mend now OP

I would say this isn't racism, just a case of mistaken identity.

YABU

It is definitely unconscious bias. I would raise it via pals as a training issue.

I get mistaken for grandma to my DS.
If baby looks white then yes they might wrongly assume that baby isn't yours.
I don't think it's racist.

A training issue? Seriously?

Like the NHS have got the resources, time or money to plough into this non issue?

Yabu. I am white and dh is Asian. Dd attends hospital on fairly regular basis and each time they ask if I am mother and dh is father. Neither of us have ever given it a second thought.

Isn't it more likely that, given you say you and the Nanny look the same age roughly, and you were both there dealing with baby and paraphernalia, that they just didn't know which one was the parent? Nothing to do with race, if your Nanny was also Asian it could just have easily been the same. She could have been a friend, cousin, anything.

I've been in hospital a lot with my child recently, some of the time with my mum. Doctors have often asked which of us is mum, or directed their questions towards my mum rather than me.

It's a pretty safe assumption that someone in a hospital ward with a child is pretty close to said child. Nannies aren't hugely commonplace (MN isn't representative of the nation on a wider scale) and I imagine it's even less common for said nanny to be at the hospital along with parent and child.

I think you're over thinking. Hope little one makes a speedy recovery.

Don't complain. There's no issue here.

OK noted why the nanny is there please don't occupy 3 chairs if it is busy though

I am sure you feel shit enough OP and I wasn't trying to make you to feel worse.

Definitely raise it (my hospital have an online facilty to leave feedback) but please don't let this colour the opinion of the staff dealing with you. Sometimes finer details - if you don't look like babies mum for example - won't be on the top of their notes.

As an aside if the nanny is the reason baby is in A&E, I can understand why you feel pissed off with it being assumed she is mum.

Are you actually going to complain that an Asian doctor was racist to an asian mother? That's going to go well.

Wow why are so many people jealous that op has a nanny?

Not racism, weird that you took your nanny to hospital.

Not jealousy, just find it very strange. Up to two primary unpaid carers I would expect, which in your situation would be you and your husband. No reason for her to be there and it clearly caused confusion. Yes you stated it but humans don't always listen very well.

Nobody is jealous

Don't think it sounds like racism. People can be lazy and just jump to the most obvious conclusion.
I lived in a town where my peer group/kids peer groups parents were all a good 10-15 years older than me. Most had nannys. They assumed I was the nanny to my kids because of my age. On occasion they assumed my young looking mum in her 50s was the mother to a toddler and a 5 year old.

I'm white, my daughter is white. Every time she's in hospital I'm asked- are you mum?

It's just a question they ask.