Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

To want to raise unconscious racism issue with the hospital?

273 replies

funnyface80 · 11/04/2017 20:51

Trying to keep a long story short. Baby is mixed race and no one has ever questioned whether baby was mine before as she looks like us although more white than asian. Nanny is white. We are in hospital with a very distressed baby who only wants to be in my arms and we are waiting for some help. A&E notes talk about accident where both mum and nanny present. Doctor 1 comes into the room and starts talking to nanny as if she was mum even though baby clearly with me. I stop her questioning and say I'm mum as nanny would not have been able to answer these questions. No apology just a quizzical look. Later as we wait for further treatment, baby even more distressed and DH now present, Doctor 2 comes in and asks who is who. We introduce ourselves as mum and dad and then Doctor 2 (Asian) proceeds to talk to nanny as if mum. I say again quite firmly that I am mum. No apology. This time I'm quite cross as baby again in my arms and yet doctor simply ignored me when she walked in. Should I raise this unconscious bias with the hospital so their staff are thought to be more respectful and less racist even if its without malice?

OP posts:
findingmyfeet12 · 13/04/2017 11:31
Grin
Elendon · 13/04/2017 11:52

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

NabobsFromNobHill · 13/04/2017 11:56

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

squishysquirmy · 13/04/2017 12:04

Yeah.
Almost like she doesn't actually owe you an update, isn't it?

Elendon · 13/04/2017 12:13

Apologies.

LouMumsnet · 13/04/2017 12:21

We've had a lot of reports about this thread and we'll have deleted some posts which we feel break our talk guidelines and will continue to do so, if reported.

Unfortunately, we've also had to delete some posts which repeated statements we feel have broken the guidelines.

Can we remind you all that Mumsnet is here to make parents' lives easier - and as a place for parents to get help and advice. Please do bear that in mind when posting.

Hope your LO is okay, OP.

Peace and love.

derxa · 13/04/2017 12:34

OP Yes it was racism and you were treated badly. There are a lot of non-issues made up shite on AIBU but this isn't one of them.
The doctors were told who the mum was and didn't believe you. One of my DC had an accident whilst in the care of my nanny and we went together. Why wouldn't we?
Hope your DC is OK. When the dust has settled send a complaint.

Floggingmolly · 13/04/2017 12:36

I think the doctor didn't believe her, dexra? Grin

Floggingmolly · 13/04/2017 12:39

You think... I don't think any such thing!

harshbuttrue1980 · 13/04/2017 13:00

I doubt it was racism, as Asian families are often the most likely to have staff. I teach in a private school in an Asian-dominated area, and many of the mums have live-in nannies and servants, as is the norm back in India. I'm not saying that this is bad or good in general - some get treated like virtual slaves, but others are absorbed as part of the extended family and get treated really well (paying for the education of the servant's children etc). In either case though, it seems to be a cultural norm that well-off Indian mums are usually accompanied by a helper to carry bags, look after the kids etc.

SoulAccount · 13/04/2017 13:16

And Harshbutter chucks in some generalisations about Asian people to explain away unconscious bias . Oh, the irony.

squishysquirmy · 13/04/2017 13:16

harshbut, a very sweeping generalisation about all ethnicities from the world's largest and most populous continent based on your personal experience of a very specific demographic does not prove that what happened to the OP wasn't racism.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 13/04/2017 13:24

Oh dear harsh you forgot to say some but not

Elendon · 13/04/2017 13:39

Just a little reminder harsh about Asia

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Asia

It's not just India.

originalbiglymavis · 13/04/2017 13:46

Where we are it's mostly white American families who have the (mostly Philippino) nannies surgically attached to the families, and the Arab ones seem to prefer Malaysian ones. None of my Indian/Pakistani friends or colleagues have nannies.

harshbuttrue1980 · 13/04/2017 14:07

Soul, whatever. Lots of generalisations happen to be true. If you look at the proportion of people who have live-in help in Asian countries, it would be much higher than you'd find in the UK because the cost of labour is so much lower and there is no welfare state, meaning that people are willing to work for very low wages or just for board. And the culture is that the helpers usually do live with the family they work for and work more or less all the time - in the best cases, the helper is called "auntie" by the children and is a well-respected and provided for member of the family. The worst cases are abusive and close to slavery. Its naive to think that all generalisations are false, and that differences in culture don't exist.

squishysquirmy · 13/04/2017 14:14

harsh, I can't see anyone denying that differences in culture exist.
I still can't follow your logic as to how the fact you know many wealthy Indian families who employ live in help is relevant to the OP's situation.

squishysquirmy · 13/04/2017 14:15

And if you know of a family living in Britain mistreating their employees (and I know that this does sadly happen) then you should report them.

SoulAccount · 13/04/2017 14:20

If you look at the number of private school parents of any demography you will find that more than average employ what you term 'servants'.

Having a nanny is a form of childcare. We are not wealthy, our working patterns dictated nanny rather than nursery/ childminder.

You conflate a whole load of generalisations that are not relevant to the OP, to excuse what could well be unconscious bias.

Morphene · 13/04/2017 14:35

dear gods. What a train wreck of a thread.

OP YANBU, looks like racist unconscious bias to me. I would certainly forward a complaint, specifically regarding the doctor who ignored your statement that you are the mother.

Posters who think you can't be racist against your own race are clueless. Its like you have never come across misogynistic women....not even on a Trump rally.

Posters who think unconscious bias training is aimed at changing your unconscious thoughts simply need to spend 5 mins on google getting a grip with reality.

squishysquirmy · 13/04/2017 14:40

Oh I think I've worked out harshbut's point...
Is it that the Drs couldn't possibly be making assumptions based on unconscious bias, because from your experience Asians are more likely to employ nannies than be a nanny, hence the generalisation is the wrong way round? Because that rather depends upon the drs making the same generalisations as you, which depends on everyone believing in the same stereotypes.
I still disagree that this proves anything.

foxyloxy78 · 13/04/2017 16:19

I agree with you OP. You simply expect more from medical professionals. You told them you were the mum and it still did bot sink in. Pure ignorance on their behalf. I am mixed race myself and my mum is white. I look nothing like her. I grew up with this shit so I do feel for you. Please do write and voice your concerns. Hope your LO is ok. Don't listen to all the negative comments on here. Flowers

MaisyPops · 13/04/2017 17:09

I thought they were 2 different medical people who made the same mistake. (Much like other examples people have given e.g. being mistaken for grandma etc)

If the same person ignored you after you said you were mum and corrected them then id be annoyed.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page