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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to pack DH and the kids' cases?

753 replies

Confuso · 11/04/2017 17:35

A friend who is normally lovely has just turned on me out of the blue. I've had her 7 year old DD here all day which is absolutely fine as she is good friends with my DD. My older two have been mooching around and I've been mainly in "project pack" as we're going on holiday tomorrow night.

When my friend came to collect at 4pm, she had to come upstairs and drag her DD out of our wardrobe because she was playing a hiding game. In the midst of this she suddenly started on me, saying she couldn't believe I was actually ironing and packing for DH. Haven't I got enough to do with the kids? I should stop acting like a bloody martyr because this man doesn't know he's born and never did. Her 12 year old packs his own stuff like any other capable child and I should stop pandering to the lot of them. I have been making a rod for my own back for too long and DH is on another planet Shock There was more as well.

Don't most people pack for the family if you're going away and AIBU to think I'm not weird and wonder what all that was about? I feel quite upset tbh as I've had her DD for 2 days and that's how she speaks to me.

OP posts:
00100001 · 11/04/2017 18:06

Maybe she's projecting?

Maryhadalittlelambstew · 11/04/2017 18:06

Regardless of whether you should or shouldn't pack for your husband and kids your friend was incredibly rude. Its nothing to do with her not to mention the fact that you'd kindly had her DD all day! If I were in your friends shoes I'd be offering a hand or at least bringing you wine/cake/chocs as a thank you for looking after my kid!

Original poster
Confuso · 11/04/2017 18:07

Quite surprised at how many people just pack for themselves to be honest.
Maybe I've been getting it wrong all these years then Blush

OP posts:
RockNRollNerd · 11/04/2017 18:07

I pack for all of us (2adults, 2 children), I'm a spread a bit of something for everyone between however many cases in case 1 gets lost so we all have something.

Pretty much this, everyone lays out what they want and then between us we pack it across all the bags so no one is without stuff if 1 bag goes missing. Also split cossies, day clothes and evening clothes if applicable across the cases so we don't end up sitting round the pool in our finery/at a restaurant in swimming togs and band t-shirts.

JustCallMeKate · 11/04/2017 18:08

I pack for my DH. This is purely selfish on my part to ensure I have enough room to fit all my stuff in Grin

Wando1986 · 11/04/2017 18:08

I only do it because I enjoy it and we always go somewhere very warm unless it's a city break so I know what he'd want me to pack (shorts, summer vests, a few tshirts and shirts, hoody and underwear/shoes). It's not hard to pack for a bloke with simple fashion tastes really... I wear the same on holiday apart from throwing in a few swimsuits and stapless tops so he'd know exactly what to pack for me too.

Your mate was projecting. She has other issues today obviously.

ohidoliketobebesidethecoast · 11/04/2017 18:08

And of course, its none of her business who packs cases, and also not for every one on mumsnet to tell you who should be packing either - that wasn't really the point!

NotInMyBackYard1 · 11/04/2017 18:08

I pack for everyone in this household - my DH is totally useless and would pack a selection of old t-shirts with holes in, one pair of pants and no shirts if left to his own devices! I select a pile of suitable clothes, he whittles it down and I pack them.
I also do packing for 8, 5 & 3 yr olds - none of whom are old enough or capable enough of doing their own. 5yr old would have a case full of pretty dresses and nothing else, 3yr old would have a suitcase of trains and cars. Eldest (has Autism & ADHD) would probably have nothing as she can't concentrate for long enough to finish a sentence let alone holiday packing!
As an aside, I think you are a saint for having someone else's child round to look after the day before you go on holiday!! No way would I entertain that idea - ever!

londonrach · 11/04/2017 18:09

I pack dh pants and socks and pjs as ive more time at home but dh puts in jeans, tops etc. Works for us. I pack for dc but dh will run up and down stairs if shes sick on anything. I view it as teamwork.

MrsTerryPratchett · 11/04/2017 18:09

It is actually quite sensible for one person to do the actual 'packing' because clothes should be distributed between cases in case of luggage loss. But selecting clothes and toiletries is just a bit strange. And at 12, it's a life skill your child should be learning.

Youdosomething · 11/04/2017 18:09

I always left out the cases on the landing and as young ds's they put out their clothes beside their case. We could go through them and pack together to check we all had all we needed. -and I could check they had matchy matchy t's and shorts ( which they hated)-

I did have a very small smile when my 21 year old was packing last...all laid out beside his case on the landing! -without the matchy matchy clothes-

londonrach · 11/04/2017 18:10

Can i like callmekates post!!!!

Youdosomething · 11/04/2017 18:11

And why does the 'strike through' not work? Used the little dash? iPad?

Youdontwanttodothat · 11/04/2017 18:12

My dad showed me military style packing. My dd does hers and then o redo it to meet the luggage allowance. Same with my otherwise highly capable and brilliant DH. It's my area of expertise.

TizzyDongue · 11/04/2017 18:13

I should stop acting like a bloody martyr because this man doesn't know he's born and never did.

Why did she say this - have you said/done other things that might make her feel you're unappreciated and subservient?

I'd never pack for DH, I've no desire to control what he brings or wears, or even guess. I'd advise the DC what they might bring but they pack for themselves - and have shown them how to pack a case in the past.

RitzyMcFee · 11/04/2017 18:14

The cheek of her commenting on it!

My dc were 9and 11 when we emigrated and they packed their own cases for that. And it was 12 weeks before anything else arrived. It was totally fine.

I would never pack for my dh and he wouldn't pack for me.

Starlight2345 · 11/04/2017 18:15

I think the division of labour varies from one house to the next..

I am a LP so yes I pack everything but fail to see why it is an issue. My DS (9) packs for camp because he has a list..It is easier and quicker for me to pack if we go abroad.

Chinnygirl · 11/04/2017 18:15

I used to pack for my ex because he left it till the last minute and then stressed me out with his behaviour. It worked for us. I dont pack for DP because he likes to do it himself.

It really is no ones business. Do what works for your family. I have a friend who fetches her husbands slippers when he gets home, it reminds me of a dog but they have a very happy marriage so who am I to judge.

Scabetty · 11/04/2017 18:16

Never packed for dh. Teens do their own though ds needs reminding to pack pants, socks, that sort of thing.

SallyGardens · 11/04/2017 18:16

DH packs for himself as does 15yo DD.

I pack with 12yo DS and 8yo DD - they bring the stuff they want to pack to me, we go through it together to check that it's suitable and then they physically put it in the case.

Mothervulva · 11/04/2017 18:17

I ask DH if he wants me to pack for him as I'm at home. He usually says no, but I wouldn't mind.

Original poster
Confuso · 11/04/2017 18:18

With DH it's just shirts and a jacket for going out and he's not that bothered which ones. When he goes in business trips he will get his own suits out, but I still pack them which probably needs to stop tbh.
It can be a faff though because we just came back from somewhere else 2 days ago, so it's the laundry and ironing and finding everything, rather than putting it in the cases.
I had the little girl yesterday as well which is fine, but I had a few things to do out and about and you feel bad dragging someone else's child round.

OP posts:
BringOnTheScience · 11/04/2017 18:18

OP's so-called friend sounds crazy and should never be offered free childcare again!

In the Science household, DH (the organised one) prints off the generic packing list. We all get out the stuff we need.. then I, and only I, do the actual packing because I am Queen of 3d Tetris.

When it comes to loading the car, I insist on doing it alone as I cannot tolerate anyone else's -inefficient- -helpful- suggestions on which case slots perfectly into that precise gap.

SootSprite · 11/04/2017 18:18

I pack for dh and dd(15). It's just easier, quicker and everyone is fine with it. I do ask them if there's anything particular they want to take but otherwise I just get on with it. If it works for your family who the hell cares?

Ecureuil · 11/04/2017 18:19

Yes very rude of her to comment, it's none of her business.
I don't know anyone who packs for their husbands though, how do you know what he wants to take? He packs for himself, always has. I pack for the children as they're 3 and 1. I'm a SAHM.