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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to pack DH and the kids' cases?

753 replies

Confuso · 11/04/2017 17:35

A friend who is normally lovely has just turned on me out of the blue. I've had her 7 year old DD here all day which is absolutely fine as she is good friends with my DD. My older two have been mooching around and I've been mainly in "project pack" as we're going on holiday tomorrow night.

When my friend came to collect at 4pm, she had to come upstairs and drag her DD out of our wardrobe because she was playing a hiding game. In the midst of this she suddenly started on me, saying she couldn't believe I was actually ironing and packing for DH. Haven't I got enough to do with the kids? I should stop acting like a bloody martyr because this man doesn't know he's born and never did. Her 12 year old packs his own stuff like any other capable child and I should stop pandering to the lot of them. I have been making a rod for my own back for too long and DH is on another planet Shock There was more as well.

Don't most people pack for the family if you're going away and AIBU to think I'm not weird and wonder what all that was about? I feel quite upset tbh as I've had her DD for 2 days and that's how she speaks to me.

OP posts:
XiCi · 11/04/2017 20:21

What an absolute cheeky cow.

You had her Dd all day and she has a go at you for doing too much for your dh? I would have stopped her tbh and asked her who the fuck she thought she was talking to. What you do in your relationship is nobody else's business.

MrsMozart · 11/04/2017 20:25

If I want to pack my DH's case then I will and Hmm to anyone who commented on it!

228agreenend · 11/04/2017 20:28

I pack and dh does the driving (usually go on self drive holidays to,south-west or France). IT may not be a very mn's division of labour, but it works for us (I hate driving long distances). With teen dcs,,they tend to,get their stuff laid out on their beds and I do a quick check,to see if they've forgotten anything (usually underwear!).

FumBluff1 · 11/04/2017 20:28

I always pack for my husband and the kids :) YANBU!

Steviea88 · 11/04/2017 20:30

She needs to mind her own!

I always pack for DH and kids. Not because he is incapable of doing his own but just because I prefer knowing that we all have exactly what we need. I even fold his shirts/polos in with his trousers/shorts to match up. I enjoy doing it, it makes me less agitated knowing that everything we need is packed. I usually iron and pack a couple of weeks before we go, most of the stuff is brand new which I buy for DH as I know what he likes.
It also means I stuff loads of extra shoes, all the toiletries and the iron in 'his' case

He would do his own packing if I told him to. He did when we first met and went on holidays before living together.
My dad literally packs every bit of crap he can find and will put 25 shirts in for a weeks holiday- irritates my mum so much Grin

Dd1 packs her hand luggage with toys and games. If I let her pack her own case it would be all sparkly dresses and no knickers!!

Original poster
Confuso · 11/04/2017 20:35

Mother - I guess I could make a point of it to DH but it would feel kind of petty in a way and he would be confused or think there was some other bigger issue going on.

I don't know why this friend would want to upset me when I've just had her daughter as a favour for 2 days, but she obviously thinks I'm too "wifey" or whatever and it's not a great feeling she left me with, even though I know I shouldn't care.

OP posts:
SomethingBorrowed · 11/04/2017 20:42

I do a do a lot for DH, ans he does a lot for me.
I would never consider packing for him though! Toiletries yes, but not clothes! I mean, he is the one who can choose what he will want to wear isnnt he??
Do all the ones packing for your DH, would you like someone packing for you? Deciding which clothes and accessories and shoes etc you will have available on holiday?
I would hate that and I think DH would too - we never talked about it, it just see un-natural to pack for another adult...

Elvisrocks · 11/04/2017 20:42

I absolutely hate packing so would never pack for DH and I am already training my DC who are 4 and 6 to do their own. They're doing a great job so far.

KinkyAfro · 11/04/2017 20:43

Can't believe some of the posts on here! Just because you pack for others doesn't mean you're being taken advantage of, treating someone like a child, being emotionally abused ffs! It's about doing something for someone to help them out, there's nothing wrong with that. DP does all the DIY, sorts the bins, does the food shop, does the garden, washes up, does his own washing. I do the bulk of the cleaning, most if the cooking apart from weekends, bit of ironing.. ..so I pack a case for him for holiday, big deal!

KinkyAfro · 11/04/2017 20:44

I don't pick what he takes in holiday, he sorts his stuff, I put it in a case...he hates doing it, I don't mind doing it

EdenX · 11/04/2017 20:46

I pack for DH because he would be happy with three old t-shirts and a pair of shorts. I care more about everyone having clean smart clothes every day. Our compromise is I do the packing. No one else's business!

fannydaggerz · 11/04/2017 20:50

My husband doesn't pack his own clothes but doesn't ask me to do it either. One year, I told him to make sure he was packed just before we went on holiday. When we arrived, I saw that it was all my stuff and our sons stuff I was pulling out the case. Que him starting a huge rant at me that I never packed his stuff.

He has learnt from that, I'm not his mother and he can pack his own suitcase.

I wouldn't judge you for packing for your husband, but I don't do it myself.

Grilledaubergines · 11/04/2017 20:55

She's very rude.

If your way of doing things works for you OP then stick with it.

We all choose our things to take and put them on the spare bed. I'll do a quick once over to make sure we've all got enough changes and haven't forgotten any essentials. Then it's me who packs because I want everything to fit into two large cases and it seems a ridiculous waste of everyone's time to have all of us joining in. Pre children we had the same way of doing it because it would be a sad day in this house if we begrudged doing things for each other and keeping score.

MangoSplit · 11/04/2017 20:58

I've never packed for DH even when I was a SAHM. Each to their own though - it's up to you, OP.

SoulAccount · 11/04/2017 20:59

Most people? No idea.
I have / would never pack for DH. Kids: I monitor, add, veto and fill gaps. But DH does that as often as I do.

I would guess that she has some sort of issue that means she has to criticise or comment on your life, and possibly you are a little bit sensitive.

If she does it again ask her why it bothers her and / or why it is her business.

SheSaidHeSaid · 11/04/2017 20:59

What you do or don't do for your DH is nothing to do with her, it's hardly abuse is it?! So she has no reason to interfere.

ijustwannadance · 11/04/2017 21:00

None of her business.

If I let DD pack, case would only contain party dresses, shopkins and as many stuffed animals as she could cram in. She definitely doesn't see clean knickers as an essential!

Bobbins43 · 11/04/2017 21:03

There is something very weird about why she is so irate about this...

melj1213 · 11/04/2017 21:05

My mum used to pack for everyone (me, bro, sis, dad and her) mainly because she would always mix our clothes between cases so that if a case was lost everyone only lost a few bits rather than one person losing an entire wardrobe of clothes. As we got older we got more of a say in what was packed, she would give us a list and we'd have it laid out on our bed so she could check we had actually got everything we needed and not laid out twenty tops and no bottoms other than swimwear as my brother did one year aged 11

She also mostly packed my dad's stuff because he wasn't fussed about clothes or what was packed - if it was in the case he'd wear it, if it wasn't I doubt he noticed or cared. He was also the same at home - he'd look out of the window, check the weather then put on whatever was the closest thing in the wardrobe to suit ... he wasn't one to need to have X shirt or Y trousers, at home or on holiday.

Now, I still pack both mine and DD8's cases for any trips, but I tell her "if there's anything specific you want me to pack, put it in the

manasaw · 11/04/2017 21:10

I pack for me and the kids DH packs for himself. But it doesn't really matter. Maybe you pack for your DH, maybe she makes lunches for hers, it's all swings and roundabouts really.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 11/04/2017 21:13

TBH it's none of your friend's business who you pack for. If you want to (or don't mind) doing it, then continue.

I pack for me and the children, I also pack DH's toiletries, inhalers, pants, socks and a t-shirt for bed. He sorts his daytime clothes and shoes. It's only because he likes to choose what he wears. He usually leaves it out and I fold it and put it in the bag. I do the bulk of it because I'm at home and usually the bag is still in the attic when DH leaves for work, hence he doesn't fold it and put it in there himself.

My goal when DH gets home from work is that we're ready to pack the car and leave. Only if I'm not quite ready will DH pitch in with the left over jobs. We use and app/website called Trello to create our packing and to do lists, so he can easily see what I've already done and what needs doing.

If DH wasn't at work, then I'd leave him to work through his packing list himself, I do mine and we'd both do the children and other jobs. It works for us and gets us away as early as possible. DD is only 7yo so she doesn't yet pack. I think I'd get her to leave out t-shirts/shorts/pants etc for me to -check- put in the bag.

PurpleCrazyHorse · 11/04/2017 21:13

strikethrough fail Grin check

Original poster
Confuso · 11/04/2017 21:26

Thanks for all your views! I think it's swings and roundabouts really. I've always packed for DH because he asks me to and also it agitates me how he stuffs things in cases. Also I deal with laundry as I'm the one here so I know where things are and I just want it done.
He brings all tech devices, chargers, wires and passports Hmm
To be fair, he books the car parking, car hire and does all navigation, driving and general organisation / cash once there which is helpful.

OP posts:
RaymondinaReddington · 11/04/2017 21:29

Beyond checking kids have put in essentials I don't pack for them. But if it works for you it seems entirely reasonable. Sounds like it is more about her than you.

Naicehamshop · 11/04/2017 21:36

Again OP - he does the manly stuff (organisation, cash, navigation, anything to do with cars), you do the shit.

It's not swings and roundabouts, it's the 1950s back with us again.

If you are happy, fine - but I genuinely hope you don't have a daughter who is picking up on all this crap.

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