A friend is being released from jail and they are having a party

[Foreverhopeful22]

A very good friend of mine had a car crash and because he was driving like an absolute idiot he drove straight into another car at a junction that was turning right.

Previously
He had deviously been done for speeding 90mph In a 40mph zone.

He had a crash where no one was hurt on a separate occasion again running red lights.

His last accident was much more serious he killed a young woman. He was sentenced to 10 years but he has been on good behaviour and will be coming out by end of year. Serving a total of 6 years.

His family and friends are talking about a big party etc. Every time we see them they are talking about what to do and where to do it.

I can't get over the fact that he killed a young woman, she was a mum of two toddlers. I know he is remorseful but still.

My options are to go along with it or to walk away from my closest friends that I've known for 20 years. If I do this there will be a knock on effect of other friends being lost. I literally mean I would be walkin away from pretty much all my friends.

I can't get my head around it. I just keep thinking of the poor woman and her family.

What should I do.

wasn't there a thread on here earlier from a woman who asked why she couldn't have a second chance after fraud

I believe that thread's been suspended - something to do with MNHQ being unsure and wanting to take another look at it?

The party is in shockingly bad taste

Kate's point about the DM is a good one and they're never more "investigative" than when there's a dirty little scoop to splash around. I imagine they'd LOVE this. Some amibiguising (?!?) of the OP might be in order.

Kate - I haven't put dates I said he was sentenced to 10 years . Serving 6. It does not take into account if court was held straight away two months or two years later.

I think it would be difficult to pin point trial. From the information given.

I have googled the information I have given and I'm getting hundreds of hits. But if MN feels it's inappropriate or caused upset then please delete. This was never my intention.

Or actually, since lots of us (myself included) have repeated details that would allow a journalist to stitch the story back together, perhaps have the thread deleted. You've probably got the main gist of everyone's reactions by now anyway, so there's no loss in that sense.

OP: if MN feels it's inappropriate or caused upset then please delete. This was never my intention.

I don't think anyone could accuse you of acting with malice well, this is AIBU, give it time but I could so easily see a DM reporter try to turn a quick buck out of a tragedy.

I couldn't go. But then my dad was killed by an idiotic boy driving a stolen car. He had a list of previous offences as long as your arm, but he got a shorter sentence than the guy you know. He'll be out in a few years (with 'good behaviour'). The sentences for dangerous driving are ridiculously short and heartbreaking for the families involved, believe me.

Rain - I'm so sorry

I totally agree the sentences are terrible he should of gotten longer in my opinion

The sentences for dangerous driving are ridiculously short and heartbreaking for the families involved, believe me

I do believe you, rainshowers - and I'm extremely sorry to hear about your dear dad

Given today's reliance on cars, it worries me that these losses can come to be seen as "just something that happens", "part of the price we pay" and so on. I can just about see how someone could argue that with a genuinely unforeseeable accident, but NOT in the case of repeated offenders like this, who too often just don't seem to care

As I've said, the sentencing guidelines need addressing - and urgently

Rainshowers, 😥💐

OP, I just wanted to shout, that I for one, do not think that you are scum, my Lovely.

I can only imagine what the family of the poor young mother must be feeling. I don't think 6 years is nearly long enough when her life full of promise has been snatched away and the babies have lost their mother. So much misery and so many lives ruined. Then on top of that, to have a booze-up to celebrate the perpetrator's being good in prison!

100% agree Polly.

I'm trying to put myself in the shoes of your soon to be released friend. He's had a few years in prison, plenty of time to think about the total devastation he's caused. If it was me i'd be so unbelievably full of remorse, i'd literally hate myself and never know a moments peace. I cannot therefore imagine on the day i come out to have a celebratory homecoming party laid on for me, while all i could think about was 2 little children who, because of me will never see their beloved mother again. It's unthinkable, i don't think i'd ever be able to smile again.

I personally could not go to a party for this man, if he really does feel remorse he wouldn't want a party, so let's hope he does the right thing and refuses it. If he feels remorse, then he would.

Hi OP, I asked which country you were in as it didn't sound like the UK. If he's got 10 years, he'd be out after 5. Or do you mean that he is getting out after 3 years - so a 6yr sentence in effect?

Catsize - it's a ten year serve he will be out early. Not giving too many details for time served prior etc as people are saying that it will be traceable .

Why do you want to stay friends with the group so much knowing how they've behaved over this?

Scarlet - because we all have different feelings about things. We are all Friends and have been for such a long time and it's hard to walk away from everyone I know.

His family think the sentence was too harsh I wonder if they would feel the same if it was him lying in a box in the ground

He should be the one dead, he deserves to be dead.

I'm sorry I'd rather have no friend than friends selfish pricks who think like that.

I'd of dropped the lot of them, and their party is as disgusting as it come they should all be ashamed.

It would be interesting to find out how they'd feel if, just out of jail, he was run over by a careless driver.

I don't feel any of them condone what he done. I know they were all shocked.

I think the part is in bad taste as I have said and I am not even sure he knows about it.

I think they are trying to show him moral support which is why I feel torn in this whole matter.

I think it depends how they are organising the party.
I'd rather have a welcome back gathering and wouldn't call it party at all.

Lweji - that's my fault I called it a party. Because that's how I see it.

If we were taking about a quiet meal etc then it would be different

they
sound like the family from shameless. I don't know how they can look at themselves.

I think, if this were my group of friends, I would be STRONGLY representing to them

• how it would look if the press found out
• how it would look if a friend or family member of the deceased saw that there had been a 'party'
• the increased chances of both of the above, given social media etc.

Quiet support in private is one thing, having a loud piss-up at the local is quite another.