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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

neighbour just told me to fuck off!!

280 replies

CrazyCatzCuckoo · 09/04/2017 09:32

Can't believe what's just happened!
We have lived here 10 years and it's just myself and husband now that the kids have grown up and left home
We both work full time so only really in evenings and weekends
Nice family live next door, in their 30s with 2 children, twins aged about 5/6 I would guess ( they go to school as have seen them in uniforms )
Always been polite but as I said not in very much.
We obviously do hear the general noise that comes with having kids, in the garden ( they don't let them out until about 11 which we appreciate as the last people would have them out as soon as it was 8am! ) and crying, shouting and that kind of stuff every now and then but nothing over what I would expect in a family home!
Yesterday I was popping to the shop and as getting into my car I heard a piercing scream; like the little girl was in agony and the mum shouting something, then the boy crying - didn't hear anything from the dad. Assumed maybe the boy had hurt her or some game had gone too far, it was only 6.30 so wasn't bothered remotely by the noise just to add!
I went off to the shops and came back and all quiet.
This morning I saw her taking them out somewhere in the car as I was taking the bins out so said hello, hope everything's okay. She looked at me a bit blankly and then said " why; what do you mean? " I then said " oh I heard a bit of a thud and screaming last night " and she said " and what does that have to do with you? " I then said " I'm not moaning about the noise; I just hoped all was alright " and she replied " well why don't you just fuck off! "
Great - now we live so close together it will be so uncomfortable.
Husband says I shouldn't have said anything; it wasn't my business and shouldn't have made the comment to start with!

OP posts:
PaulDacresFeministConscience · 09/04/2017 14:34

The moral high ground isn't exchanging abuse. But neither is it grovelling round there with an apology and gifts.

It's not entering into any further debate about it - unless the neighbour remembers her manners and comes to apologise. It's remaining civil and polite - so a small nod and acknowledgement if you see them but not being friendly and smiley and stopping to chat.

Rednailsandnaeknickers · 09/04/2017 14:37

*Showing concern would have meant going round as soon as she heard the scream and checking if anyone needed first aid or an ambulance.

Asking the next day while the two children are standing hale and hearty in front of you is not concern. It's lazy and insensitive conversation making at best and nosey at worst.*

Exactly. I have no idea what the OP was hoping to achieve with her morning after enquiry but it certainly wasn't immediate concern for a possible injury.
I agree the neighbour overreacted and was rude, but the OP trying to play the concerned card is a bit much. If you're going to be nosey, own it!

UptownFlunk · 09/04/2017 15:15

WTF, I can't get over the people on here saying you should go round and apologise when she told you to fuck off. Hell would freeze over before I apologised to someone who told me to fuck off when I asked them a polite question. As for buying them them bloody Easter eggs, words fail me. I would ignore her from now on unless she apologised to me. You did nothing wrong.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 09/04/2017 15:17

As above, ignore.
There is a minute chance, that she may indeed, appologise to you, next time she sees you. Life can be complex.
You owe her nothing, but the space she needs.
Leave well alone OP.

summerfling · 09/04/2017 15:29

Shit me, am
I the only one who can see that the op was just checking to see if her neighbour was okay??

The neighbour asked why & op told her.....there was no "comment".

Original poster
CrazyCatzCuckoo · 09/04/2017 15:38

For what it's worth this is Scotland so all the " English " way doesn't apply in this case!

OP posts:
GreenHillsSunnySkies · 09/04/2017 15:41

summerfling I agree, seems a completely OTT reaction to a fairly mild enquiry if everything were ok. The only justification for a reponse like that would be if the OP had been constantly busy bodying, doorknocking and complaining since the family moved in and it were the last straw but even then a simple, chilly and dismissive 'Everything's fine, thanks' would have sufficed.

Don't apologise or buy gifts, OP, not only are you not at fault here but anyone that defensive and sensitive would probably view it as a further intrusion. I get it's going to be a bit uncomfortable but I'd just politely smile and say good morning/evening in passing for the immediate future.

Greystars · 09/04/2017 15:43

I think most people wouldn't take this much offence, most people would at worse just roll their eyes at you OP and say we're all good it's life with twins, they love each other again today. Because they do seem to try and murder each other on a regular basis or scream super loudly if even touched by the other, then the next minute they love and adore each other again.

She told you to fuck off
She was rude

Maybe 101 reasons why, but don't go appeasing this rude person by taking gifts!

Original poster
CrazyCatzCuckoo · 09/04/2017 15:58

She's just knocked.
She's 4 months pregnant, her husband is being made redundant from his long standing career as an IT analyst, and the little girl and boy were playing a game of duck duck goose ( in our tiny 2 bedroom terraced properties that would never end well ) and she whacked her head on the door followed by him tripping up over her and cutting his lip
She is sorry and embarrassed and now feels like she isn't coping to the outside world
Her daughter is being assessed for autism by the school so that's why she's in there all the time so never really catches a break and is very sorry for being rude
I am popping out to get flowers and some Easter gifts for the kids
Thanks so much for your replies
I really felt terrible about it all and just hope she understands now that I'm not an old busy body

OP posts:
Original poster
CrazyCatzCuckoo · 09/04/2017 15:59

She also is sick of doing all the driving around when the kids have any activities because her husband is too scared of taking a driving test, not great when he's lost his job as whilst we are quite near the town it's still pretty rural Scotland so will limit him with work

OP posts:
NotYoda · 09/04/2017 15:59

Its great that she came round. You aren't a busybody. You must be a nice enough person that she felt she could confide in you.

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 09/04/2017 16:02

Oh OP, shower her with some TLC. She sounds like she needs it so very much right now. Flowers for you both. I hope you can be a little ray of light in her difficult life right now. I'm glad she has you.

Greystars · 09/04/2017 16:04

That's good she did that, and problem solved :)

I would also now buy gifts for the kids at Easter, because it's a nice thing to do to cheer up a neighbour.

I wouldn't have done so before.

Shockers · 09/04/2017 16:05

I'm glad she came round too. I think you sound like a good neighbour and it was nice of you to accept her apology and to want to build on it.

Flowers for you!

mrssmith79 · 09/04/2017 16:05

Don't apologise!! She told you to fuck off! Personally I'd be taking that as game-on, no more tolerating their noise for the sake of being a nice neighbour, fuck 'em.
And NO easter eggs.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 09/04/2017 16:06

That's great news OP !

GrouchyKiwi · 09/04/2017 16:06

I'm so glad she came round, OP. You sound like a lovely neighbour. Flowers

mrssmith79 · 09/04/2017 16:06

Just seen the update, I'll let her off Blush

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 09/04/2017 16:06

Ask she needs to give her DH a swift kick up the backside. Drifts off-topic.

treaclesoda · 09/04/2017 16:07

That's great OP. She was having a bad day. Glad that relationships won't be strained. Flowers

EnjoyYourVegetables · 09/04/2017 16:08

That's good to here.

GoodDayToYou · 09/04/2017 16:12

You sound like a lovely neighbour to me. I'm glad she's apologised. Smile

flapjackfairy · 09/04/2017 16:13

Oh great so pleased that harmony is restored !

GreenHillsSunnySkies · 09/04/2017 16:13

Another happy she came round. Sounds like she's overwhelmed, poor woman, and you really were, unwittingly and unintentionally, the last straw but, in a roundabout way, it's turned out to be a good thing that you expressed your concern. OP, you sound like a lovely, kind neighbour, she's lucky to have someone like you next door, sometimes just having someone to listen can make the burden that much lighter.

8FencingWire · 09/04/2017 16:13

I'm glad you asked her. Now you know and she has a nice neighbour to support/ask about her day. I would have gone and asked too.