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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

neighbour just told me to fuck off!!

280 replies

CrazyCatzCuckoo · 09/04/2017 09:32

Can't believe what's just happened!
We have lived here 10 years and it's just myself and husband now that the kids have grown up and left home
We both work full time so only really in evenings and weekends
Nice family live next door, in their 30s with 2 children, twins aged about 5/6 I would guess ( they go to school as have seen them in uniforms )
Always been polite but as I said not in very much.
We obviously do hear the general noise that comes with having kids, in the garden ( they don't let them out until about 11 which we appreciate as the last people would have them out as soon as it was 8am! ) and crying, shouting and that kind of stuff every now and then but nothing over what I would expect in a family home!
Yesterday I was popping to the shop and as getting into my car I heard a piercing scream; like the little girl was in agony and the mum shouting something, then the boy crying - didn't hear anything from the dad. Assumed maybe the boy had hurt her or some game had gone too far, it was only 6.30 so wasn't bothered remotely by the noise just to add!
I went off to the shops and came back and all quiet.
This morning I saw her taking them out somewhere in the car as I was taking the bins out so said hello, hope everything's okay. She looked at me a bit blankly and then said " why; what do you mean? " I then said " oh I heard a bit of a thud and screaming last night " and she said " and what does that have to do with you? " I then said " I'm not moaning about the noise; I just hoped all was alright " and she replied " well why don't you just fuck off! "
Great - now we live so close together it will be so uncomfortable.
Husband says I shouldn't have said anything; it wasn't my business and shouldn't have made the comment to start with!

OP posts:
TinklyLittleLaugh · 09/04/2017 13:19

She sounds horrible and rough. I would blank her from now on. And if ever she asked a favour (put the bins out, take in a parcel, keep an eye on the kids for five minutes) then I would tell her to fuck right off.

I am one to hold a bit of a grudge though.

Deathraystare · 09/04/2017 13:33

Well at least now you know to keep yourself to yourself and no lend a had or happen to mention when their house is on fire!!

Just blank the rude cow from now on.

You must have hit a nerve because if it was just kids fighting she could have said "b loody kids off on one again"

bbcessex · 09/04/2017 13:34

I'm completely astonished at posters recommending you take a gift and apologise... what ? ShockShockShock

OP - your question was fine. None of us likes to be reminded of what may not have been our finest parenting moment, but it sometimes doesn't hurt to be know that people are aware and not putting heads in the sand.

Your neighbours reaction was extreme. Not yours. You made a perfectly normal comment and she blew up at you. Be aware of this now. You haven't done anything wrong at all.

elkegel · 09/04/2017 13:35

FFS DON'T APOLOGISE, OP!

You've done nothing wrong, they should apologise to you.

JanetBrown2015 · 09/04/2017 13:38

That's very rude but falling out with neighbours can cause trauma on both sides for years and years so best to gloss over it and just keep being friendly. Don't apologise as you will just remind her of it all.

She might just have had a really bad day or lost her temper and hit the child and now feel really awful about it or whatever.

I do think we have a responsbility for other children though so speaking out was not wrong and may be next time she'll look after the children better or not thump them - so I don't think you've done the wrong thing. I probably would not have bothered mentioning it to her but it's a difficult thing to decide on.

IloveBanff · 09/04/2017 13:41

JanetBrown2015 I really don't think the OP thought or implied in her question that anything but an accident might've happened.

NotYoda · 09/04/2017 13:43

I don't think you did anything wrong

EffinElle · 09/04/2017 13:51

She should be apologising to you!

Raaaaaah · 09/04/2017 13:53

My partner got told to fuck off by our neighbour. Different circumstances but still out of order. OP would have to do something a bit more extreme than enquire after the neighbour's kids to warrant that response. OP it doesn't need to be awkward just keep your distance. It is horrid when it happens initially though. Flowers for you, not your neighbour.

PaulDacresFeministConscience · 09/04/2017 13:54

I'm completely astonished at posters recommending you take a gift and apologise

THIS!

I love MN but sometimes it is utterly bonkers. Can you imagine the fucking flaming the OP would have got if she'd heard screaming and posted to ask whether she was BU to ignore it? If you do ask, then you're nosy, invasive, judgy etc. If you don't then there could be some kind of horrific abuse going on and by not immediately bashing the door in and calling SS you are somehow complicit. Damned if you do and damned if you don't! Confused

Do not apologise. You have done nothing wrong except make a polite enquiry with a neighbour who you are usually on friendly terms with. If she's usually nice then I would hope that she'll reflect on having been extremely rude to you and apologise the next time she sees you. If not then I'd remain civil and nod when you see her but beyond that keep her at arm's length.

AnUtterIdiot · 09/04/2017 13:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ZilphasHatpin · 09/04/2017 13:58

It was only concern as it was quite easy to tell the kid was hurt rather than just screaming as she couldn't have something for example

This morning I saw her taking them out somewhere in the car

Concern for what? You could clearly see both children were alive and well getting into her car. What did you hope to achieve by asking that question? You were making a point. Making the point that you heard their stressful situation. How the hell did you expect that to be received?

Ohmuther · 09/04/2017 14:00

Blimey.
Stress.

purplecoathanger · 09/04/2017 14:01

It just shows why so many neighbours fall out, with the FFS comments. I think if you have to live next door to someone it's worth being beyond reasonable for the sake of harmony.

I would absolutely hate to have unresolved animosity with my neighbours, it can lead to years of misery and also potential problems with selling your house.

ChrisYoungFuckingRocks · 09/04/2017 14:02

I've heard some pretty horrific screams coming from my upstairs neighbours (and we don't get on well at all). If I see her I'll ask her if everything's OK, and she'll just reply that yes, everything's fine, thanks. No rudeness at all. It's just the type of things people ask isn't it?

Saying that, I have twins. DTD1 will sometimes just stand in the living room and let out a spine chilling piercing scream. Just for the hell of it! Just because she can. If my neighbours had to ask me about it I'd just laugh it off. What she said to you was very rude, but maybe she was just having a bad day.

PaulDacresFeministConscience · 09/04/2017 14:04

Purple I agree about being reasonable - and that sounds like something the neighbour should bear in mind.

GahBuggerit · 09/04/2017 14:04

Nothing you described about the noise is concerning at all, sounds like it could be any 2 out of 7 nights here.

She shouldn't have told you fuck off but tbh if she's a mner and regularly sees the many, many threads about "i heard a whisper next door aibu to report to ss as it could be a piece of the puzzle they need, especially as the children go out without a coat on and it's 60degrees here today so very cold" then she's a bit pissed off that regular family noise is being misconstrued and requires a "is everything alright" comment and now thinks you'll be monitoring every noise to check there isn't anything being hidden, as some of the bizarre responses on this thread have demonstrated. I also think your comment about not 'letting' them out until 11 is interesting as is not hearing the dh.

Must admit if you did that to me I'd be fucked off, but i wouldnt have told you to fuck of, except maybe under my breath.

Bluntness100 · 09/04/2017 14:05

I'm also shocked at people saying she should go round, apologise and take gifts. For asking if everything is ok? And that if you do ask you should apparently expect to be told to fuck off?

Rough old birds indeed. Shock

sailawaywithme · 09/04/2017 14:05

Jesus wept. A friendly, "Is everything ok?" Is sticking your nose in? Gifts and apologies? Madness.

OP, you did nothing wrong. At all. Your neighbor's a bitch, no excuse for her comment at all.

GahBuggerit · 09/04/2017 14:05

She could be pissed off that should have said

IloveBanff · 09/04/2017 14:05

The child could've fallen off a bunk bed and hurt themselves or slipped and fallen painfully. That's the kind of thing the OP was enquiring about as she could hear the child was in pain. That's all. She's previously been on good terms with the neighbour, so understandably expected a reply that either something like that had happened or nothing much had happened. For example, "Oh yes, he accidentally banged his head" "Oh dear, I hope he's OK. Has he got a bump?" etc. Just general chat. The OP's a parent, so knows these things happen. I don't understand the paranoid and defensive reactions so many people on this thread have said they would have had under the circumstances.

purplecoathanger · 09/04/2017 14:05

Yes but you have no control over your neighbours. You can only decide what you, are going to do.

ZilphasHatpin · 09/04/2017 14:06

Wrt people wondering "what else is going on" in that house because of the woman's rude response.

This is my current situation: my youngest has SS involvement, not because I've been battering him but because of his father (who I've been separated from for 7 years). I can't tell you the stress it puts me under every time the SW calls with a new issue. She is in my house regularly and I've had every aspect of my life and my parenting scrutinised. It still is being scrutinised. I suspect some of my neighbours have worked out who she is but they will have no idea why she is involved with my family. If I had just had a neighbour alert me to the fact they heard screaming in my house and I suspected the neighbour knew we had SS involvementmy anxiety would hit the fucking roof and I might possibly respond in a not so calm and controlled way.

purplecoathanger · 09/04/2017 14:08

No, of course the OP did nothing wrong but telling to jump up onto her high horse and do nothing to get back on good terms, isn't helpful.

NotYoda · 09/04/2017 14:08

Small talk such as asking how someone is, met with aggression. Aggression defended on here

Weird weird weird