Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

neighbour just told me to fuck off!!

280 replies

CrazyCatzCuckoo · 09/04/2017 09:32

Can't believe what's just happened!
We have lived here 10 years and it's just myself and husband now that the kids have grown up and left home
We both work full time so only really in evenings and weekends
Nice family live next door, in their 30s with 2 children, twins aged about 5/6 I would guess ( they go to school as have seen them in uniforms )
Always been polite but as I said not in very much.
We obviously do hear the general noise that comes with having kids, in the garden ( they don't let them out until about 11 which we appreciate as the last people would have them out as soon as it was 8am! ) and crying, shouting and that kind of stuff every now and then but nothing over what I would expect in a family home!
Yesterday I was popping to the shop and as getting into my car I heard a piercing scream; like the little girl was in agony and the mum shouting something, then the boy crying - didn't hear anything from the dad. Assumed maybe the boy had hurt her or some game had gone too far, it was only 6.30 so wasn't bothered remotely by the noise just to add!
I went off to the shops and came back and all quiet.
This morning I saw her taking them out somewhere in the car as I was taking the bins out so said hello, hope everything's okay. She looked at me a bit blankly and then said " why; what do you mean? " I then said " oh I heard a bit of a thud and screaming last night " and she said " and what does that have to do with you? " I then said " I'm not moaning about the noise; I just hoped all was alright " and she replied " well why don't you just fuck off! "
Great - now we live so close together it will be so uncomfortable.
Husband says I shouldn't have said anything; it wasn't my business and shouldn't have made the comment to start with!

OP posts:
Awwlookatmybabyspider · 09/04/2017 10:54

I'm with Hedgehog.

lazyhazysummer · 09/04/2017 10:55

You didn't do anything wrong Op, if a neighbour had said something similar to me when mine were young never in a million years would i have reacted like that. She just sounds a nasty bitch, no excuse for it. Very foolish of her too to get on the wrong side of a neighbour. She'll probably need you before you need her.

Billben · 09/04/2017 10:56

I don't think you've done anything wrong. You were friendly and polite. If she didn't want you to know what really happened the night before she could have come up with a quick fib to answer your question. By telling you to F off I just wander what the rude cow is hiding. And please do not go over there grovelling with sweets. She should be the one apologising to you.

SleepFreeZone · 09/04/2017 10:58

I agree with Hedgehog as well. You can't have people whinging about the lack of community in this country and then be screaming fuck off at your neighbours when they talk to you.

WetsTheFinger · 09/04/2017 11:04

YANBU at all. It does make me wonder why she got so wound up by it though...

flippinada · 09/04/2017 11:06

I don't think you did anything wrong either, and I don't know why people are having a go. She overreacted. There could any number of reasons why (stressed, shattered, kids playing up, bad day at work, all of those things..), none of which are your fault. There's no need to go round and apologise or take gifts.

WetsTheFinger · 09/04/2017 11:07

I can't believe people are suggesting you go round and grovel to her! Fuck her, she was a rude cow, ignore and certainly don't bother trying to make nice Confused

Nocabbageinmyeye · 09/04/2017 11:08

Do not apologise!! You were being nice, you clearly won't make that mistake with someone that rough again. Let her off, what do you care what someone like that thinks of you?

I assume she is mortified this morning, if not she should be not you.

I might have thought it a little odd you asked but clearly you have lived beside each other for a while and this is the first time this had happened so she would want to learn some manners and relax. Your dh is wrong, you made a judgement of error clearly given she is so volatile, fuck off was unnecessary

KoolKoala07 · 09/04/2017 11:09

I don't think you done anything wrong op. She was just rude.

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 09/04/2017 11:09

YANBU. I can see why she might be a bit nettled. She might have had a rough evening, followed by a shit night, and then it might have been very easy for her to perceive a non-existent criticism in your words. But that doesn't make your behaviour wrong. Every time I read people saying "KEEP YOUR NOSE OUT" I wonder if that's what the neighbours of Baby P and other children who have been killed did. Kept their noses out. I'm not saying that your neighbour is abusive, OP, but that whole attitude of people turning a blind eye and deriding others who don't do the same is partly how women and children die on a weekly basis.

ohhereweareagain · 09/04/2017 11:10

sleeping tiger my thoughts too about some of the posters on here being like the neighbour Grin

MsGameandWatch · 09/04/2017 11:17

Very foolish of her too to get on the wrong side of a neighbour. She'll probably need you before you need her.

I've never and would never ask a neighbour for a favour. In fifteen years of being here it's not been necessary.

Houseonthestrand · 09/04/2017 11:18

Don't even think of apologising to someone who told you to fuck off. Total overreaction from your neighbour.

MsGameandWatch · 09/04/2017 11:24

Seems that me that if this person was as irredeemably "rough" as many on here seem to be convinced that she is then the OP would have seen evidence of it before. Up till now she's been a thoughtful and unproblematic neighbour. Is it really such a stretch to think that she had just had enough this day. I think you'll probably get an apology at some point OP.

ScarlettDarling · 09/04/2017 11:27

op it's your neighbour who owes you the apology. Hopefully she'll realise how incredibly rude she was and apologise to you later on. If she doesn't then I'd avoid her like the plague from now on and don't even consider apologising to her!

sucue · 09/04/2017 11:34

My neighbour asked me if my son was alright, he'd heard him crying the night before.

I couldn't think what he meant, and then I remembered that the previous evening my son had been crying about a splinter and every time I'd tried to remove it he had screamed at me to leave him alone and stop hurting him.

It was summer with all the windows open, so I expect lots of others must have heard and possibly judged.

I didn't tell him to fuck off, in fact I was very touched that my elderly neighbour had cared enough to question me.

purplecoathanger · 09/04/2017 11:34

It's ridiculous to say you shouldn't have commented. I'd have done the same neighbourly thing.

What'd I do now is go round with a card saying sorry and that you really didn't mean anything and some chocs, just to smooth over the troubled waters. You didn't do anything wrong but you still have to live next door to them.

Birdsgottaf1y · 09/04/2017 11:37

""I just really feel terrible if she thinks I'm implying an adult was hurting the kids as I wasn't""

If you're surrounded by nosy types who like to make things more than they are (and some school gates are just that) then you'd take it that way. It did sound like it was put in a way of hoping that she'd open up about something. Your concern has been misinterpreted. So would you taking Easter Eggs, so i'd just tell her that i didn't mean anything by it, next time i saw her.

""See, this is how Baby P and Victoria Climbie lost their lives""

It really wasn't, those children were tortured to death in plain sight of everyone.

My two year old sounded as though she was being murdered this morning, my DD was only trying to dress her to take her swimming.

AnUtterIdiot · 09/04/2017 11:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FeralBeryl · 09/04/2017 11:40

I'd be tempted to post a little note through just saying you think there were crossed wires this morning.
You heard a thud and wondered if one of the kids had fallen etc as that's what used to happen with your lot.
You weren't implying anything odd, just sympathising with being a parent.
And leave it at that. Don't apologise, but give her the information that you weren't nosing or judging.
I'm not excusing her behaviour, however she may be struggling atm and the thought of a busybody around her own home may have tipped her over the edge.

PS - suggest she moves into my street where all the elderly neighbours positively encourage my kids into their homes to play Grin great when you've had enough!

nackle · 09/04/2017 11:47

Ok, time to stop beating yourself over the head for having a
perfectly normal chit chat (on your part) with your neighbour.
No grovelling or apologising required - big girl pants on and carry on.

KingsCross88 · 09/04/2017 11:48

Unless you think she'd take advantage (and she doesn't seem the anti-social sort generally, from your post) there would be no harm in trying to smooth things over. There's a self-help saying "Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy", and there is something to that, as long as you're not turning yourself into a doormat.

Or you can both pass each other in silence for years to come, avoiding eye contact, each thinking the other is a rude bitch. Which is the traditional British way!

Jaxhog · 09/04/2017 11:50

No grovelling or apologising required - big girl pants on and carry on.

It will blow over and be forgotten before you know it. Just smile next time you see her as if nothing happened.

purplecoathanger · 09/04/2017 11:51

I'm happy to apologise sometimes, even if I'm not in the wrong. It's called being mature enough to understand that outcomes can be more important than petty principles.

themusicmum · 09/04/2017 11:53

I think you were just trying to be kind but obviously that backfired. Just don't say anything next time.