neighbour just told me to fuck off!!

[CrazyCatzCuckoo]

Can't believe what's just happened!
We have lived here 10 years and it's just myself and husband now that the kids have grown up and left home
We both work full time so only really in evenings and weekends
Nice family live next door, in their 30s with 2 children, twins aged about 5/6 I would guess ( they go to school as have seen them in uniforms )
Always been polite but as I said not in very much.
We obviously do hear the general noise that comes with having kids, in the garden ( they don't let them out until about 11 which we appreciate as the last people would have them out as soon as it was 8am! ) and crying, shouting and that kind of stuff every now and then but nothing over what I would expect in a family home!
Yesterday I was popping to the shop and as getting into my car I heard a piercing scream; like the little girl was in agony and the mum shouting something, then the boy crying - didn't hear anything from the dad. Assumed maybe the boy had hurt her or some game had gone too far, it was only 6.30 so wasn't bothered remotely by the noise just to add!
I went off to the shops and came back and all quiet.
This morning I saw her taking them out somewhere in the car as I was taking the bins out so said hello, hope everything's okay. She looked at me a bit blankly and then said " why; what do you mean? " I then said " oh I heard a bit of a thud and screaming last night " and she said " and what does that have to do with you? " I then said " I'm not moaning about the noise; I just hoped all was alright " and she replied " well why don't you just fuck off! "
Great - now we live so close together it will be so uncomfortable.
Husband says I shouldn't have said anything; it wasn't my business and shouldn't have made the comment to start with!

I read the op and thought to myself "well surely no one can defend the neighbour for that and say op was in the wrong!" but, sure enough, good old AIBU and the circling vultures waiting to leap in and say YABU no matter the question .

This topic is an absolute fucking joke!

Op, ywnbu. Your neighbour was disgusting.

And do not under any circumstances apologise.

I am absolutely blown away by the defensiveness and paranoia of some of the posters on this thread.

Compare it to a thread I had a couple of days ago about my concerns over my neighbours Nanny. Every single poster on that thread said I should speak to my neighbour about it.

Complete overreaction on her part. I'd much rather have a caring neighbour like you, than mine. They didn't even enquire how my son was when he was recently blue lighted to hospital. Weirdos.

Why are people telling the OP to smile next time she sees the neighbour? If I'd been spoken to like the OP was, I wouldn't bloody smile , nor would I expect the neighbour to smile back if I did!

Only on MN could asking if someone is OK be passive-aggressive.

She was extremely rude and please don't apologise. She sounds horrible.

I dont get why you even mentioned it tbh, I think you where both rude.

People are weird, and I'm not just talking about your neighbour.

Do not take her a choccy egg or flowers or post an apologetic little note through the door. Just ignore her

Do not apologise to her. You have done nothing wrong. She was bloody rude.

Yeah she was rude, maybe yesterday was a very trying day & she felt you were a little intrusive? Who knows.

I agree with the majority. You did nothing wrong. Just get on with your life. She sounded stressed.

I am very sensitive about people judging my parenting due to the noises that come from my house.
My DS is loud, screams and often accuses us of abusing him at the top of his voice.
But even I wouldn't have responded to the OP in that way.
It shows that someone is able to say something out loud rather than gossip and make anonymous phone calls to SS with no bloody clue.

OP try not to take it personally. I suspect you could have been anyone saying just about anything at that point.
She may be feeling embarrassed about her reaction.
Just smile next time you see her. If she continues to be rude you can decide if you want anything to do with her or not.

I guess she may have felt guilty if one of the children hurt themself and you mentioning the incident made her feel worse. No excuse for rudeness though. If the neighbours of Victoria Climbie had acted when they saw her stealing food from a bird table she may still be alive. Do not go round. Just smile and say hello.

Your neighbour told you to fuck off when you asked her a perfectly innocuous question; and the advice is to take her an Easter egg to apologise?
MN really is a parallel universe sometimes.

It's unfortunate but now just cut your losses!

Apologising or giving gifts is an inappropriate response to her over reaction.

I would totally back off from interacting with her. You are not compatible!

Btw Your comments sound fine to me but then I like chatting with neighbours and don't get offended easily. Even if i did feel a bit exposed by a neighbours comment on my screaming kids I would have had a rueful "kids eh!" reaction.

Do not apologise. Maintain glacial politeness. Mother obviously has a problem of some kind, or is just rough. I cannot imagine asking that of any of my neighbours, and getting that response from any of them.

I agree Flogging!
I would be expecting my neighbour to be on my doorstep with a bunch of flowers not trotting round to grovel .
I dont get some of the replies on here at all and no matter how bad a day or night i was having i would not see that as an excuse to abuse the neighbour.
If the neighbour had been male i suspect you would have seen a different slant on things and if someone came on to say their partner had done a similar thing it would ltb asap not apologise and buy a present to make amends !!

Agree with all the PPs who have said you have done nothing wrong.

If anyone should be apologising it should be your neighbour for being vile to you.

It's a real shame that you live in such close proximity and can't enquire after them. And you end up feeling bad? Is she entitled to tell you to fuck off? Absolutely not.

She may not have liked you communicating with her, but the polite response would have been something along the lines of 'it sounded worse than it was. Sorry if we disturbed you'.

Manners cost nothing. She's a dick.

sand LOADS of people reported VC's plight to SS.
Why do people insist on bringing up her case on threads like these?

I can't imagine any of my neighbours swearing.

I imagine she's feeling upset and embarrassed about what she said to you, and is probably trying to justify it to herself.

I don't think apologising for overstepping the mark is unthinkable, I think it will offer her a way to apologise back and get you both out of an awkward situation. It takes a strong person to think of the bigger picture.

If you're feeling bad about what you said, then why not tell her? I'd get a pound bunch of daffs and hand them over with a brief 'sorry if I offended you', then leave it.

When someone has backed themselves into a corner, it's kind to give them an opportunity to come out of it with a little dignity.

Shocker. What you said!

shockers has an admirable and slightly Buddhist take on this. I think s/he could be right, but there are few of us that would want or dare to carry it out after being told to fuck off.

No! The OP should NOT take the neighbour a bunch of sodding daffodils! As a PP said, the replies would be completely different if it was the male neighbour who'd told the OP to fuck off! Who's to say that the OP wouldn't be told to fuck off with her daffodils if she tried that anyway?