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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

neighbour just told me to fuck off!!

280 replies

CrazyCatzCuckoo · 09/04/2017 09:32

Can't believe what's just happened!
We have lived here 10 years and it's just myself and husband now that the kids have grown up and left home
We both work full time so only really in evenings and weekends
Nice family live next door, in their 30s with 2 children, twins aged about 5/6 I would guess ( they go to school as have seen them in uniforms )
Always been polite but as I said not in very much.
We obviously do hear the general noise that comes with having kids, in the garden ( they don't let them out until about 11 which we appreciate as the last people would have them out as soon as it was 8am! ) and crying, shouting and that kind of stuff every now and then but nothing over what I would expect in a family home!
Yesterday I was popping to the shop and as getting into my car I heard a piercing scream; like the little girl was in agony and the mum shouting something, then the boy crying - didn't hear anything from the dad. Assumed maybe the boy had hurt her or some game had gone too far, it was only 6.30 so wasn't bothered remotely by the noise just to add!
I went off to the shops and came back and all quiet.
This morning I saw her taking them out somewhere in the car as I was taking the bins out so said hello, hope everything's okay. She looked at me a bit blankly and then said " why; what do you mean? " I then said " oh I heard a bit of a thud and screaming last night " and she said " and what does that have to do with you? " I then said " I'm not moaning about the noise; I just hoped all was alright " and she replied " well why don't you just fuck off! "
Great - now we live so close together it will be so uncomfortable.
Husband says I shouldn't have said anything; it wasn't my business and shouldn't have made the comment to start with!

OP posts:
viques · 09/04/2017 10:05

Buy the kids some Easter bits(from tiger, they have great stuff) and leave it on the doorstep with a note saying you are sorry if she mis interpreted your comment, you were not having a pop, but they are normally such lovely neighbours that you were genuinely worried that one of the children had hurt themselves.

If she is as nice a neighbour as you think she is , and up to now has been, then she is probably feeling a bit awkward about the situation too.

It is not worth having a bad atmosphere for the sake of a mouthful of humble pie, so be the bigger person.

Original poster
CrazyCatzCuckoo · 09/04/2017 10:05

I would have knocked if I had got back from the shops and they were still awake but by then it was after 7 and all the lights off downstairs so I thought they were getting the kids to sleep so didn't want to wake anyone or interrupt

OP posts:
Mumteedum · 09/04/2017 10:06

I think you should leave it. Ill judged comment on your part but her reaction was dog rough. I'd do politeness only and avoid much interaction. I don't like the world we're in when people are so rude and aggressive to strangers let alone neighbours!

MsGameandWatch · 09/04/2017 10:08

I don't think she sounds like she has anything to hide at all. People that do tend to be very nicey nice to put you off the scent. Maybe she perceives you to be generally nosy and just had enough this time?

Fanciedachange17 · 09/04/2017 10:10

I think you do owe her an apology actually. Maybe pop round with a small box of celebrations and say you had absolutely no intention of upsetting her or implying anything sinister (unless you did?). Maybe send your DH instead.
Now she'll be thinking you are listening for every sound just waiting to call SS on her.

Nanny0gg · 09/04/2017 10:11

Passive-aggressive? Really?

Sounded like a perfectly pleasant, reasonable question.

Good job there aren't any real concerns as everyone seems to think it okay that the OP was handed her head on a plate for a perfectly civil comment.

Craiconwithit · 09/04/2017 10:11

How incredibly rude! She should apologise to you.
What's happened to good neighbourliness in the U.K. these days??

seasontotaste · 09/04/2017 10:11

I have a neighbour not unlike this who is stressed and struggling with life. I too am conflicted about whether this is normal for some people and nothing to worry about or should it ring alarm bells?

Watching with interest and thank you for bringing this topic up.

Gottagetmoving · 09/04/2017 10:13

I think you came across as nosey to your neighbour and she reacted.
It was daft to comment and nasty of her to tell you to fuck off.

Original poster
CrazyCatzCuckoo · 09/04/2017 10:13

I keep thinking how I could have worded it better
Of course I didn't think anything sinister - as I keep saying I don't imagine any normal parents ( and that's what I think they are! ) to be whacking the kids all round a living room at 6.30 of an evening!!

OP posts:
StillStayingClassySanDiego · 09/04/2017 10:15

Don't go round with chocolates and apologise, you enquired out of concern and she didn't appreciate it.

Don't apologise to her.

Fanciedachange17 · 09/04/2017 10:15

carabos there is a world of difference between hearing actual verbal abuse and acting on it and hearing a young child scream but not doing anything about it because "it's 6.30 and who would be hitting a child at that time? wtf?)
FWIW I think you have judged it to a nicety in your response to a neighbour who sounds like she is having a very tough time.

Original poster
CrazyCatzCuckoo · 09/04/2017 10:15

I actually haven't perceived her as " stressed " or " not coping " at all
Just a mum of twins which is no doubt testing at times
She is always out and about with them, they go to clubs left right and centre and she volunteers in their school I'm sure she said once when I saw her in town on my lunch break
I was just worried the kid was hurt
I was wrong to make a comment and feel terrible
I like the idea of the Easter gifts and now am racking my brain to know what to say to make it clear I had no thought at all that something sinister was occurring / she wasn't coping!!

OP posts:
ohhereweareagain · 09/04/2017 10:15

Don't apologise op. Neighbour was a rude bitch. Ignore her.

alicemalice · 09/04/2017 10:16

That's the thing though, you couldn't have worded it any differently. It's just raising it in the first place that would have made her feel uncomfortable, no matter how you phrased it.

If you'd had genuine concerns something was up with them, you would have taken a different route anyhow.

Don't think that excuses her language, all that said.

MsGameandWatch · 09/04/2017 10:17

I've got a very screamy child with ASD. I get that it must sound horrendous to outsiders but all neighbours have been informed and are fine except one who regularly rings to check "is everything ok? It's just we could hear her screaming...". I've never told him to fuck yet but I have very much wanted to and have offered tersely for him to come in and have a look at her if he's so worried, he never does.

I know it's not the same but honestly i think to get that reaction she must be really at the end of her tether if as you say it's always been pleasant before. Least said soonest mended in my opinion, just carry on as before.

VeryButchyRestingFace · 09/04/2017 10:17

I don't think you did anything wrong. Neigbour was rude.

Don't for God's sake go round now though. That could just make the situation worse.

Original poster
CrazyCatzCuckoo · 09/04/2017 10:18

Well I don't know about parents hitting their kids
We never did but I would imagine it pretty unlikely to do it in such public view almost as the living rooms adjoin to the pathway for 10 houses so quite likely someone would hear screaming especially at that time of an evening
Far more likely the brother hurt the sister and now she thinks I'm insinuating he's badly behaved - which I feel equally awful for too!

OP posts:
SeekingSugar · 09/04/2017 10:19

DON'T take Easter gifts! Don't try to make her feel better about being dreadfully rude. You have done nothing wrong and really she should apologise to you. What a ghastly bitch.

LiviaDrusillaAugusta · 09/04/2017 10:20

Easter presents? God no! Please just leave her alone to get on with her life - she's likely to tell you to fuck off again. You don't have to speak to her just because you live next door - get on with your life and let her likewise

GrouchyKiwi · 09/04/2017 10:20

I'd have been touched if you'd shown that concern when one of my children hurt themselves.

Agree, though, that you should just not say anything more now. Maybe her response was because she was stressed, who knows. Just give it time to blow over.

Mumteedum · 09/04/2017 10:21

Crazycatz... You really don't need to do anything. I don't think she'll appreciate a gift. You may well have it flung back in your face. You sound like a nice person but I think anything more is making a mountain out of a molehill. I'd give her a wide berth. Best all round.

ToothTrauma · 09/04/2017 10:22

I'm amazed that people think you were out of order. She was incredibly rude!

ohhereweareagain · 09/04/2017 10:23

Ffs DON'T take easter gifts op. Cringe worthy. Just leave it.

SleepingTiger · 09/04/2017 10:24

The neighbour sounds like some of the people on this thread.