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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WWUD? Random puking teenager in our kitchen

809 replies

chastenedButStillSmiling · 09/04/2017 01:03

We were out this eve, but not esp late (home by 10:30). DD has brought mates back. We know some not all.

They've been drinking booze I've provided (but was supposed to be more than one evening).

DD is 15, yr 10.

One of the kids chucked up. She's fine. She was here on a sleepover,m her parents aware. I know where she lives (20 mins away) but don't know her parents or how to contact them.

I've put her to bed, on her front. Sick bucket and water easily to hand.

What should I do?

OP posts:
ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 11/04/2017 16:38

I think when your children are older you can maybe comment, yes. Mine IS 15 - I, therefore, do have a better idea than you do actually gin

And he has not broken the law. I do know this for a fact. You are the one suggesting we don't know our own children.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 11/04/2017 16:44

For the record, I have never, at any point called anyone a name.

And to quote MN, OP was on the wrong forum. This is AIBU. Not WWYD. Expect a debate.

When my own DCs were little I thought 15 was adulthood. I now see that 15 is still childhood and , in the cases of many , far far from adulthood. Let's keep them children, hey? Why is it so often adults who push their children towards adult behaviours?

Ginlinessisnexttogodliness · 11/04/2017 16:45

Nabobs It's not about defending someone. Where exactly have I said that 'I agree with what she did and I am therefore defending her"????? You have put those words in my mouth, you angry pedant. What I wrote was that reactions have been disproportionate. I also wrote that the course of action was regrettable.

It's about being able to have a debate around the subject without resorting to some of the dreadful comments and statements I have read on here. It's also about navigating a very complex path that adolescents take and our role as both guardians and supporters. We need to work together as our children's parents, need to distinguish between things which on reflection were regrettable but no harm was done and move on without causing distress or anxiety for anyone concerned. That's also incidentally the best way forward for our children. Sorry teenagers in this instance.

The saddest thing is that we ALL make silly mistakes as parents. A great deal of the time we deserve to be forgiven for them.

Ginlinessisnexttogodliness · 11/04/2017 16:46

ILikeBeans
Don't patronise me and tell me I'll know better when my children are older.
I know myself. That's good enough for me.

NabobsFromNobHill · 11/04/2017 16:51

The saddest thing is that we ALL make silly mistakes as parents. A great deal of the time we deserve to be forgiven for them

What has that got to do with the fact that you said you plan to do exactly what the OP did? And you said it was not a big deal. You defended and minimised, and now you are lying.

And if you don't think you'll know a little more about raising teens when you've actually tried it, you're even more clueless than you appear so far.

brassbrass · 11/04/2017 16:56

I'm trying to think of all those silly mistakes I've made that have harmed someone else's child....

hmm let me see...oh yes NONE!

Ginlinessisnexttogodliness · 11/04/2017 17:12

I didn't defend the OP I defended my own planned course of action years off whilst saying that some people on here have been really awful.

Similar but crucially different

You've stretched my words which I'm afraid isn't the same thing as reading them

Irritating I know.

NabobsFromNobHill · 11/04/2017 17:14

Think you'll find one would have to read them to stretch them. But you own planned course of action is the same as the OP, as you said.
So not crucially different.

You might as well get used to the idea of people thinking badly of you for planning to give alcohol to other peoples kids, because those parents will be much ruder to you IRL when you actually do it if you haven't wised up by then when you actually parent children older than toddlers

Ginlinessisnexttogodliness · 11/04/2017 17:15

Well brassbrass enjoy basking in your glow.

It's not really the point I was trying to make, I was more lamenting the superiority complexes some of you have on here, it's tiresome and not conducive to anything.

I'll let you go and polish your halo. In that sense your username seems so fitting.

I'm bowing out of this discussion, now. A real virtual nest of vipers. Hope you're all very proud of yourselves. Quite sure you are

milliemolliemou · 11/04/2017 17:17

Grannypants. Totally agree - parents numbers for those coming back to the house and a word with DC about what's happening/who's coming back/anyone with problems. I'd also not be happy not coming home until 1030 for this age group. And I'd want to sober for a lift back for someone with problems whether alcohol or not..

I'd still keep an eye 16-18.

NabobsFromNobHill · 11/04/2017 17:17

A superiority complex, for doing the absolute minimum of parenting? What low standards you have! What next, medals for feeding them a vegetable? A trophy for remembering to bath them?

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 11/04/2017 17:48

I did know you would find that patronising - and I did try not to be - but you yourself have conceded that for you it is years ahead gin and all I know is how much I thought I knew and how much I thought would happen and how much I have changed and adapted. Maybe you won't.

But I didn't put it the way you say I did.

And I absolutely agree that there is room for a debate, which I, for one was enjoying spending the whole half the day doing : exactly what you accused others of doing, and are now doing yourself, ironically!

It's a fascinating post and OP must be feeling that she really stirred up a hornet's nest, that's for sure.

SoupDragon · 11/04/2017 17:50

I didn't defend the OP

Your very first post defended her.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 11/04/2017 17:53

Oh gosh , I'd very much like a medal! I definitely deserve many many medals!!

Sallystyle · 11/04/2017 18:06

Not all teens want to drink. Many actively don't

I have one of these, he is nearly 18. He had some once at a party with me and hated it, hated how it made him feel and didn't understand the fuss.

I know he isn't lying because he knows I don't care if he has a drink and he has avoided get togethers where alcohol will be about. Mostly because the last time he went out people were try to get him to drink and didn't like taking no for an answer.. been there myself.

Like I said before. I will happily give my 13 and 15 year old a small drink. I wouldn't mind if my 15 year old had a couple with me, but I would mind a grown arse adult supplying him with it where he isn't being closely supervised, to help support their child's social life Hmm

Oh and then leaving him on his front being sick and not calling me.

That isn't perfect parenting. It's common sense parenting. You don't give a 15 year old alcohol to share with their friends unless you have permission of the parents to do so and you are supervising them.

hmcAsWas · 11/04/2017 18:24

Can't take Gin seriously with a 1 and 3 year old for chrissakes! Hmm

  • I am not as polite as ILikeBeans.
hmcAsWas · 11/04/2017 18:34

However, she doesn't deserve any courtesy having labelled posters who disagree with her point of view variously as:
"angry pedants" "Dementors from the Inquisition" (eh?), "epic self righteous twat" "ascetic sour puss" "pathetic" "rigid" "up own arses" etc Shock

Annahibiscuits · 11/04/2017 18:38

I would be FAR 'ruder' irl, if some arsehole supplied alcohol to my teenager until they were that drunk, I promise you

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 11/04/2017 18:42

hmc Thank you!

I was called rude about 6 million pages ago!! Grin

Patronising and superior I might stomach but I trade on not name calling/ being rude , hard as it can be.

Annahibiscuits · 11/04/2017 18:42

I think gin has been posting for shits and giggles though. No one can actually defend that POV for longer than a half-arsed minute

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 11/04/2017 18:48

She certainly has a rich and varied vocabulary which I actually rather admired. Shame it is so vitriolic.

hmcAsWas · 11/04/2017 18:50

Yes, I think you're right there Annahisbiscuits.

mowgeli · 11/04/2017 20:57

Everyone please leave gin alone she is so reasonable and a lot of you are being very cruel, just like you were to the OP.

You are like a gaggle of witches on here and I dread the day I'm at school dropping my son off and I am openly criticised by someone so self righteous and judgemental as one of you.

SoupDragon · 11/04/2017 21:19

Yeah, she's been a veritable ray of sunshine and fluffy kitten loveliness.

NabobsFromNobHill · 11/04/2017 21:19

Don't give our kids alcohol and we won't judge you. See, easy!

She isn't reasonable and neither are you puppet