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AIBU?

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Original poster

WWUD? Random puking teenager in our kitchen

809 replies

chastenedButStillSmiling · 09/04/2017 01:03

We were out this eve, but not esp late (home by 10:30). DD has brought mates back. We know some not all.

They've been drinking booze I've provided (but was supposed to be more than one evening).

DD is 15, yr 10.

One of the kids chucked up. She's fine. She was here on a sleepover,m her parents aware. I know where she lives (20 mins away) but don't know her parents or how to contact them.

I've put her to bed, on her front. Sick bucket and water easily to hand.

What should I do?

OP posts:
IAmAmy · 11/04/2017 15:39

You're welcome. I'm only just 17 myself but this isn't rare at all from people I know, and as I said, these aren't rebellious and are mostly people having what would probably be considered pretty sheltered upbringings. I've never seen anyone get too drunk at such a gathering and usually we've just made the alcohol whoever's parents house it is have provided last. All our parents are aware too - when my parents have provided alcohol if it's at our house they've spoken to the other parents beforehand and outlined what they've bought. My parents probably wouldn't have provided any at 15 to be honest (though I never asked them) but many did from 14. Personally I barely drank at all when I was 15 as I believed my parents when they told me that if I had more than one drink I'd be practically passed out...

Also as I said before the worst situation I've ever seen someone in was the boy whose parents banned alcohol at his party.

brassbrass · 11/04/2017 15:40

Being responsible and kind also means that if another parent entrusted their underage child to my care overnight they could be assured that their child wouldn't come to any harm because of alcohol I'd irresponsibly supplied.

Hulababy · 11/04/2017 15:41

I think DD and her friends are all very sheltered. They are the same age - y10.

Whilst we do allow DD to have some alcohol (she has had a couple of glasses of prosecco at a couple of wedding recently, and a small glass at Christmas, etc) we have never provided alcohol to her and her friends at sleepovers.

None of her friend's parents have gone down this route yet either. I was hoping it would stay that way for another year or so.

IAmAmy · 11/04/2017 15:44

As if teenagers won't get hold of alcohol when they want to. Plenty even manage to buy drugs to take to parties (something I have no interest whatsoever in nor would want near me but clearly happens), never mind drink.

DingDongtheWitchIsDangDiddlyDe · 11/04/2017 15:47

Not all teens want to drink. Many actively don't. They don't need it to be pushed on them at young age by idiot parents.

Ginlinessisnexttogodliness · 11/04/2017 15:47

I haven't given my children friends any booze because they are one and three respectively. However when they are older teenagers I won't stop them and their friends having a few drinks. They'll do it with or without me so I'd rather be involved and aware. This was a regrettable incident but those kids will be laughing about it now.

I'm certainly not an idiot I just live in the real world and don't believe in spending half my day on a forum berating someone for something like this.

You need to get a grip and stop wafting around like the Dementors or something from the Inquisition.

Anon1234567890 · 11/04/2017 15:47

ILikeBeansWithKetchup
No I haven't the time to read all 27 pages but I do understand that giving children alcohol at home is not illegal. However I would not be so sure that giving someone elses child alcohol, without parental consent, in an unsupervised situation, until they get so inebriated they are puking, passing out, and instead of ringing for an ambulance or contacting parents you just go on an internet forum for health advice, is not something the police would be interested in. IMO

MyStomachHurts · 11/04/2017 15:49

Entirely up to you whether you provide alcohol to your children, however to give a child alcohol when you have not asked their parents permission is plain foolish.
I would be shitting myself right now.

IAmAmy · 11/04/2017 15:52

I've been at parties where people are smoking and taking soft drugs. I dislike both of these things and actively don't want to partake in them. Never felt they were "pushed on me" just for others doing it.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 11/04/2017 15:53

Agreed Anon - we are on the same page (metaphorically!)

IAmAmy your parents sound like they have grounded you well. There's a big difference between 17 and 15 ( and some of those present will have been 14) but your experiences are interesting.

The one drink and passed out thing may well be what happened to the poor vomiting girl!

Annahibiscuits · 11/04/2017 15:54

There is an ocean between not giving alcohol to other people's children and being a 'perfect parent' gin

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 11/04/2017 15:55

Do you think if the girl had had to have an ambulance out that the nurses would have phoned the police? I really don't know about that one... it is possible , I guess.

DingDongtheWitchIsDangDiddlyDe · 11/04/2017 15:56

However when they are older teenagers I won't stop them and their friends having a few drinks. They'll do it with or without me so I'd rather be involved and aware

YOU would like to be involved and aware about OTHER PEOPLE's children, so you will provide them with alcohol?
How arrogant and twatty of you.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 11/04/2017 15:59

Ginliness it definitely hasn't happened to ine.

I have dealt with many drunk kids at sixth form proms. Kindly.

My teenage years were spent perfectly normally. In hindsight a bit freely and actually rather alcohol swilled. It's interesting how some see this a s a badge of honour and feel as if that is something that it is fine to pass on to the next generation.

Just because I think OP was foolish (no more than that) to supply alcohol to potentially unsupervised teens does not mean I am some ascetic walking around in sackcloth.

IAmAmy · 11/04/2017 15:59

Thank you ILikeBeansWithKetchup. That's a good point, I didn't drink at all at 14 even though alcohol was often present at parties and at 15 just sipped one extremely slowly. Still, parents providing some alcohol for gatherings isn't rare from what I've seen and has never been abused at one I've been to.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 11/04/2017 16:00

should have said mine

Annahibiscuits · 11/04/2017 16:01

gin you can't just go round giving other people's children alcohol, until they vomit and pass out because you think it's ok

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 11/04/2017 16:01

I think that may be because one thing OP could have learnt is that - in her particular daughter's case- she is not yet responsible enough o act sensibly , possibly. So maybe waiting a year or more would be a sensible response. Hey ho.

Hulababy · 11/04/2017 16:02

I would never give DD's friends alcohol unless their parents had told me directly it was okay for them to drink. I wouldn't rely on the words of a teen either.

But tbh I don't want to encourage dd and her friends to drink alcohol - dd and her friends all have parents who drink to varying amounts, socially. Heck, DD can make a mean cocktail - we had a bit of a party here and dd and some of her friends knocked up some fab cocktails for the adults. None of them even wanted to have them themselves anyway - dd knew she could try some if she chose to, small amounts, under supervision, and her friends parents had told us the same - however, they did make mocktails for themselves.

I'd rather not encourage dd to think that alcohol has to be present at every social event at her age.

roundaboutthetown · 11/04/2017 16:03

I don't know what idiot planet some parents live on if they think that by providing their children with alcohol they are reducing the chances of children smuggling the stronger stuff in to get togethers, too. All they are doing is increasing the supply of alcohol. They are probably also making those who would otherwise not have had a drink at all more likely to try some, or to feel more pressured into trying some, but they are doing bugger all to stop those children who get hopelessly wasted from getting hopelessly wasted. Of course, those children might be marginally less pissed if they hadn't accessed some for free from adults before they started swigging the vodka... but those children have done and always will exist, whether alcohol is freely available to them or whether they have the added excitement of smuggling it in.

ILikeBeansWithKetchup · 11/04/2017 16:08

'When I was a teenager I did it ' drives me mad. When I was 15 people in my town routinely sniffed aerosols and glue. I certainly wouldn't be saying 'oh well, we did it' to my kids!!

Teenagers and adults had a fair amount of unprotected sex then, too. Oh well - must be OK to do that now then! It's all an experiment.. stop interfering parenting your (and others') children. Leave them to make their own mess. I turned out OK...

What rot.

Roomster101 · 11/04/2017 16:11

However when they are older teenagers I won't stop them and their friends having a few drinks. They'll do it with or without me so I'd rather be involved and aware

Many teenagers also take drugs. Will you supply them with those too just so you are aware that they take them?

I'm aware of the fact that there will be alcohol at parties (although there would probably be a lot less if idiot parents didn't buy it) but why increase the amount? Do you seriously think it reduces overall consumption?

NabobsFromNobHill · 11/04/2017 16:20

Many teenagers also take drugs. Will you supply them with those too just so you are aware that they take them?

They also have unsafe underage sex. Whoever thinks they are being a good parent by handing out alcohol to everyone, are they going be handing out pot and speed and renting rooms by the hour, so they can be "involved and aware" of all that too?

Ginlinessisnexttogodliness · 11/04/2017 16:27

I just think that you have to approach issues such as this with a degree of realism and humility.
Something some people seem to be lacking in here.

It's the degree of vitriol and superiority that gets me down. We are all just human beings at the end of the day. Have none of you ever made mistakes and felt a bit of tit then asked for some advice. Advice, not castigation. You can give an opinion without being all fire and brimstone, at least I believe decent people can.

You've now started attacking me because I'm not so up my own backside and judgemental about a few cans of cider as some folk on here are. If you want to take that as me being some sort of renegade dipsomaniac fruit loop then I don't give a hoot. If you want to think it means I'd go and score a few pills or some pot for my kids because I don't have a problems with them and their mates having a few cans, then it just shows how hand wringing and moral majority and quite frankly pathetic some of you are.

At least I know when my children are older, I will not be so out of touch as to realise it's my responsibility to prepare them for adulthood and not keep them a child obstinately colouring in within the confines of a law they've probably broken already.

NabobsFromNobHill · 11/04/2017 16:35

Thats just all blah blah blah defending stupid decisions and attacking people who wouldn't be so stupid. Stop with "humility" bullshit.

Does it need spelling out? Don't give alcohol to children who you don't own. Simple as that. Stop defending people who do.

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