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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is disrespectful and lazy

347 replies

Lakegeneva40 · 08/04/2017 14:31

So background. I am a Sah to 3 DC. Dh works long hours and earns a good salary which I guess enables me to Sah and improve my education.
We had booked a weeks holiday but dh aS unable to get the full week off. So rather than the kids miss out I drove down on the Saturday and dh followed Monday night.
The night before I left. The kitchen was immaculate as no one wants to return home to a dirty kitchen.
So this morning dh took kids off to a theme park before driving home.
I finished off the packing and cleaning etc and drove straight home to make a start on the laundry etc. (Watch casualty)
When I arrived I found a dirty frying pan and utensils left on the side.
Aibu to lose my rag when he returns. It's lazy and disgusting right.

OP posts:
SnookieSnooks · 08/04/2017 14:45

It is very disrespectful. It is like saying 'this 5-minute job is beneath me, so I've left this for the skivvy'. My DP used to do this too. It made me feel like a slave rather than an equal partner.

pictish · 08/04/2017 14:46

I was a sahm for 10 years mousse - the place would have been immaculate were it not for my bloody family and their insistence on continuing to live here and treating it as their home.
Maybe I should have got a whistle.

Original poster
Lakegeneva40 · 08/04/2017 14:46

Ok wrong choice words maybe.

OP posts:
pictish · 08/04/2017 14:47

It's only treating you as a skivvy if you skivvy. Ignore the pan and leave it for him to clean. I would and did.

picklemepopcorn · 08/04/2017 14:47

How do you know he didn't use it Sunday or even Monday, after work, before driving after you?

lovelygreysky · 08/04/2017 14:48

Massive overreaction, you sound ridiculously precious. Life with a neat freak must be really exhausting, I don't envy your DH.

kingscrossnoodle · 08/04/2017 14:48

If washing a greasy pan is the only way for you to see your husband being respectful I think you probably need to re evaluate your marriage.

Asmoto · 08/04/2017 14:48

It's a bit lazy; I wouldn't call it disrespectful. There's worse you could come back to - I once forgot a loaf of bread before a fortnight's holiday in the summer - came back to mould city!

lizzyj4 · 08/04/2017 14:49

YABU ... and really over-reacting.

BeyondThePage · 08/04/2017 14:49

Would just leave them there. "thought you left them for a reason" since I left everything tidy before we went away

Original poster
Lakegeneva40 · 08/04/2017 14:50

I guess I am just fed up of being the only one who tends to see mess. It was probably a minute job if that. But by not doing it we came home to a smelly kitchen. Believe me unless I ask him to do it or do it myself it will still be there this time next week.

OP posts:
pictish · 08/04/2017 14:50

Yes...is there more to this? Is he generally a shit?

bugattiveyron · 08/04/2017 14:50

It's no different to you watching Casualty when you should be doing the laundry. Why are you being so rude and disrespectful?

Mulberry72 · 08/04/2017 14:50

Massive overreaction, massive! YABVU.

pictish · 08/04/2017 14:51

So you say, "Will you wash up that frying pan by the way...it's reeking."

HolditFinger · 08/04/2017 14:52

That would piss me off too. DH sometimes 'forgets' things like this. I just draw his attention to it nowadays with something along the lines of 'so who did you think was going to sort this? The house elves?'

EineKleine · 08/04/2017 14:53

So he left the pan on Monday and you've just found it Saturday? I'm with you OP, it's grim to leave it to fester a week.

Howlongtilldinner · 08/04/2017 14:54

I think it's more than just a dirty pan OP. You sound resentful about something..

Original poster
Lakegeneva40 · 08/04/2017 14:54

Because I know what was cooked it it and I told him to use them quickly as going out of date. Would have been Saturday evening but even if Sunday I still manage to clean the kitchen and out kids to bed. He would have only had to do kitchen.

OP posts:
supersop60 · 08/04/2017 14:54

A bit OTT on the reaction, but at the same time, ask him to wash it up when he comes back. No big deal, but don't be a skivvy.

hesterton · 08/04/2017 14:55

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

deadringer · 08/04/2017 14:56

Its a bit annoying but him taking the kids off while i had some time on my own would more than make up for it for me.

lovelygreysky · 08/04/2017 14:56

You must be blessed with a very sensitive nose then. Just open the window and wash the pan, takes two minutes max (instead of the 20 minutes you've spent complaining on MN). Unless there's a huge backstory you really need to get a grip.

Swirlingasong · 08/04/2017 14:56

It's not the end of the world and certainly not worth spoiling your holiday over. Plus, he's on his own with three kids at a theme park today? I would hardly call that lazy!

sweetcarolines · 08/04/2017 14:57

I'd def be a bit annoyed but it's not the end of the world. Not worth a row I don't think