To think this is disrespectful and lazy

[Lakegeneva40]

So background. I am a Sah to 3 DC. Dh works long hours and earns a good salary which I guess enables me to Sah and improve my education.
We had booked a weeks holiday but dh aS unable to get the full week off. So rather than the kids miss out I drove down on the Saturday and dh followed Monday night.
The night before I left. The kitchen was immaculate as no one wants to return home to a dirty kitchen.
So this morning dh took kids off to a theme park before driving home.
I finished off the packing and cleaning etc and drove straight home to make a start on the laundry etc. (Watch casualty)
When I arrived I found a dirty frying pan and utensils left on the side.
Aibu to lose my rag when he returns. It's lazy and disgusting right.

It is very disrespectful. It is like saying 'this 5-minute job is beneath me, so I've left this for the skivvy'. My DP used to do this too. It made me feel like a slave rather than an equal partner.

I was a sahm for 10 years mousse - the place would have been immaculate were it not for my bloody family and their insistence on continuing to live here and treating it as their home.
Maybe I should have got a whistle.

Ok wrong choice words maybe.

It's only treating you as a skivvy if you skivvy. Ignore the pan and leave it for him to clean. I would and did.

How do you know he didn't use it Sunday or even Monday, after work, before driving after you?

Massive overreaction, you sound ridiculously precious. Life with a neat freak must be really exhausting, I don't envy your DH.

If washing a greasy pan is the only way for you to see your husband being respectful I think you probably need to re evaluate your marriage.

It's a bit lazy; I wouldn't call it disrespectful. There's worse you could come back to - I once forgot a loaf of bread before a fortnight's holiday in the summer - came back to mould city!

YABU ... and really over-reacting.

Would just leave them there. "thought you left them for a reason" since I left everything tidy before we went away

I guess I am just fed up of being the only one who tends to see mess. It was probably a minute job if that. But by not doing it we came home to a smelly kitchen. Believe me unless I ask him to do it or do it myself it will still be there this time next week.

Yes...is there more to this? Is he generally a shit?

It's no different to you watching Casualty when you should be doing the laundry. Why are you being so rude and disrespectful?

Massive overreaction, massive! YABVU.

So you say, "Will you wash up that frying pan by the way...it's reeking."

That would piss me off too. DH sometimes 'forgets' things like this. I just draw his attention to it nowadays with something along the lines of 'so who did you think was going to sort this? The house elves?'

So he left the pan on Monday and you've just found it Saturday? I'm with you OP, it's grim to leave it to fester a week.

I think it's more than just a dirty pan OP. You sound resentful about something..

Because I know what was cooked it it and I told him to use them quickly as going out of date. Would have been Saturday evening but even if Sunday I still manage to clean the kitchen and out kids to bed. He would have only had to do kitchen.

A bit OTT on the reaction, but at the same time, ask him to wash it up when he comes back. No big deal, but don't be a skivvy.

Its a bit annoying but him taking the kids off while i had some time on my own would more than make up for it for me.

You must be blessed with a very sensitive nose then. Just open the window and wash the pan, takes two minutes max (instead of the 20 minutes you've spent complaining on MN). Unless there's a huge backstory you really need to get a grip.

It's not the end of the world and certainly not worth spoiling your holiday over. Plus, he's on his own with three kids at a theme park today? I would hardly call that lazy!

I'd def be a bit annoyed but it's not the end of the world. Not worth a row I don't think