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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is she a clean freak?

110 replies

inspiredbutohsotired · 07/04/2017 14:25

Currently living with my parents until DP and I can get a house sorted (we both have separate lets but have a baby due in august, long story!)

I'm almost 6 months pregnant and my mum likes me to help out with the housework - I'm more than happy to do this, obviously! I'm not complaining about having to help.

The issue is my partner thinks she's a clean freak/possible OCD etc. And is worried I'm doing too much and possibly enabling her.
Is this normal? How much do you clean?

Usual workload in our house:-
Dust whole house every day
Hoover whole house at least once per day
Wash towels, bathmats etc 3x per week
Deep clean bathrooms (including steam cleaning) 3x per week
Steam clean kitchen 2-4x per week
Clothes washing done on Tuesdays and Fridays

Might have forgotten stuff above but unsure. She does have some OCD tendencies like shoes have to be taken upstairs and put away as soon as you enter the house, guests shoes are placed into a shoe box in the hall. Also her clothes are arranged into seasons and colours in her room, I definitely find this a bit obsessive but also useful.

I've grown up with this and don't really find it abnormal, but my partner thinks she's overly clean and obsessively so.

Also for reference, my parents house is huge - 5 bedroom detached, with an acre garden and conservatory and outhouses so for example, to vacuum it takes about an hour, these aren't quick jobs.

Any input appreciated!

OP posts:
IamNotDarling · 07/04/2017 14:29

Nope.

Wishiwasmoiradingle2017 · 07/04/2017 14:29

Unless her name is Mrs Bouquet I feel her actions are a tad ott. .

JennyOnAPlate · 07/04/2017 14:31

Well it's a hell of a lot more cleaning than I've ever done! Dusting the whole house every day seems excessive to me, as does the daily hoover (unless you have particularly hairy pets!)

If it's what your parents want to do though then that's up to them, it's their house.

brexitstolemyfuture · 07/04/2017 14:33

Some people are funny with cleaning, but my house is super bad. I envy them at times tbh

Sciurus83 · 07/04/2017 14:35

Certainly by my standards that is an insane amount of cleaning. But it is her house and you are staying with her and if that's how she chooses to spend her time there's not much you can do.

Do you think this routine stops her from doing other activities/makes her unhappy? Or does she just really LOVE cleaning?

EatSpamAmandaLamb · 07/04/2017 14:38

I don't think that is obsessive levels of cleaning. I do around the same minus the daily dusting (I have a large family so need regular washing of towels or we wouldn't have any to use).
OCD tends to revolve strongly around routine and a compulsion to perform that routine. Her schedule for cleaning does sound high maintenance but I fail to see obsessive behaviour in your post. Does she get upset if unable to maintain her current regimen?

There is a world of difference between OCD and "neat freaks" and a universe again between people who are nice and organised and a mental health issue like OCD.

If you feel she is truly unwell then I suggest talking to your GP.

GloriaGilbert · 07/04/2017 14:39

Sounds bonkers to me (and I have a very clean house - just last night my FIL told me my kitchen was the cleanest he'd ever seen Halo) but as has been said, this might be how she likes to spend her time.

NotSureYet · 07/04/2017 14:40

I'm a clean freak and even to me that seems excessive.
Not to be a pain in the arse, but being a clean freak and having OCD are very different though. If she HAS to clean because she feels like something bad will happen if she doesn't then it could be a sign of OCD, but obsessive thoughts and compulsions take many forms. OCD is a mental illness, being a clean freak is not.
But yes. That's a hell of a lot of steam cleaning. And this comes from a woman who loves her steam mop.

SteppingOnToes · 07/04/2017 14:43

That is very OTT in my view

TotalWhittle · 07/04/2017 14:44

I have a nasty dust allergy and I don't clean that much. Wink

I guess whether it's a problematic behaviour depends on how she would feel if she missed a day. Say you went out together for the day. Would she happily skip that day's cleaning, or would she get back exhausted at the end of your day out and make a start on the housework? Or worse, refuse to go out at all because there was housework to be done?

If the former, I wouldn't be concerned.

GloriaGilbert · 07/04/2017 14:45

I don't have a steam mop... maybe I should get one.

FlaviaAlbia · 07/04/2017 14:47

Agree with PP.
Have you lived with your partner before? Because if that's what you're used to and consider normal it could be a massive source of friction between you. I think you might hate living in my house and I consider it reasonably clean...

Hoover - once every two weeks, possibly more if someone is coming.
Wash floors, once per week in termtime, it can slide into 3 weeks when DC are underfoot a lot more.
Dust - pretty much never. I don't look on top of wardrobes or cupboards so what I don't see won't bother me.
Deep clean bathroom - once a year? Possibly twice. Toilet, shower and sink cleaned weekly.

Towels and clothes washed whenever we're running out.

Kitchen benches wiped down after using them, sink scoured every couple of weeks, hob deep cleaned once a week maybe.

megletthesecond · 07/04/2017 14:49

That's a ridiculous amount of cleaning. I never dust (we don't seem to generate it Confused) and Dyson every fortnight.

rookiemere · 07/04/2017 14:51

Wow that sounds insane:

Dust whole house every day - It gets done by the cleaner once per week
Hoover whole house at least once per day - Ditto but will hoover hall and living room once or twice in between
Wash towels, bathmats etc 3x per week - Washed once per week
Deep clean bathrooms (including steam cleaning) 3x per week - Done by cleaner once per week, but do a bit of a wipe in between
Steam clean kitchen 2-4x per week - wipe surfaces after use, but cleaner does once per week
Clothes washing done on Tuesdays and Fridays - actually probably do more than that. Wash sheets once a fortnight, but seem to have washing loads on at least 3 days per week, primarily DS's football gear which gets worn 3 x per week and is too smelly not to wash in between uses.

Did your DM ever have a paid job ?

LaurieMarlow · 07/04/2017 14:54

It seems obsessive to me. But I dust, well, never.

It is a problem in the sense that you want to pull your weight with housework, yet if what's expected is excessive amount then it can cause resentment or unnecessary physical strain, given your pregnancy.

Original poster
inspiredbutohsotired · 07/04/2017 14:56

Sorry to people about the OCD/clean freak comparison. Didn't mean to cause any offence! I think my partner just means she is a compulsive cleaner.

Rookiemere she used to work when my sister and I were younger, then left that about 10 years ago. She does have a lot of hobbies too but she's basically a housewife at this point as my sister and I had moved out (until me coming home recently!)

OP posts:
rookiemere · 07/04/2017 14:58

Can you remember if she did this level of cleaning when you were both young and she was working ? I just can't see how anyone who had a job would have the time or inclination for it.

TheProblemOfSusan · 07/04/2017 15:00

That's... Excessive. I don't think I've ever dusted more than once a month!

Megatherium · 07/04/2017 15:01

That's way over and above a sensible amount of cleaning. Does your mother ever have time to do anything other than housework?

Eatingcheeseontoast · 07/04/2017 15:01

That sounds like a lot to me.

Original poster
inspiredbutohsotired · 07/04/2017 15:01

Also Flavia we haven't been in the position to live together full time as I've been at university for the past 3 years so it will be a bit of an adjustment, but we spend weekends at each other's houses and ive spent weeks at his over summers and time I've had off. He isn't unclean, we are much more on each others level to be honest as I would never clean as much in my own home as DM does.

He is quite cluttered though and it does bug me, but he's working on it Wink

OP posts:
GoodDayToYou · 07/04/2017 15:03

You must be cleaning things that are already clean. I like a clean and clear house but find dusting 1-2x a week enough. Same with hoovering.

Like other posters, I'm wondering what happens if she can't do it?

Photograph · 07/04/2017 15:04

It sounds a little bit much, but I can't see anything wrong in liking your house clean.

I am lazy, and my house is frankly a tip, but I mop and hoover at least downstairs everyday (dogs and kids!)
I have at least one load of laundry a day (I already had one load a day to do before I had kids, so the laundry hasn't gone down since!)
Toilets are done once a day (I have boys....)

I find it much much easier to find 1 hour or 2 a day to tidy up and clean than to sacrifice one of my days off doing chores frankly.

It's only a problem if cleaning becomes an issue for you. I don't see the point of a deep clean for visitors, I like my house a certain way to live in it. Visitors only pop in, if it's not to their standard, too bad.
I can't judge your mum based on her cleaning diary!

Original poster
inspiredbutohsotired · 07/04/2017 15:04

rookie I honestly can't remember. I do know we were roped into doing housework from very young, but our old family house was a fixer upper so it was always a bit of a mess.
I think it (the obsessive cleaning) started when we moved into our new house and she became a SAHM and then housewife, she's very houseproud and her house is spotless but probably should chill with the housework. She spends about 4 hours a day on it, often more, and doesn't often leave the house unless it's to see my grandma.

OP posts:
DorotheaHomeAlone · 07/04/2017 15:04

That is a crazy amount of cleaning and you shouldn't be pandering to it if you're pregnant. If you're paying reduced rent and this is the trade off then your dp should be helping your mum with her insane schedule. I bet she'll be more reasonable with him. Wink For the record all of those bar the laundry are weekly chores in my house (done by a cleaner) and we never steam anything.