Is she a clean freak?

[inspiredbutohsotired]

Currently living with my parents until DP and I can get a house sorted (we both have separate lets but have a baby due in august, long story!)

I'm almost 6 months pregnant and my mum likes me to help out with the housework - I'm more than happy to do this, obviously! I'm not complaining about having to help.

The issue is my partner thinks she's a clean freak/possible OCD etc. And is worried I'm doing too much and possibly enabling her.
Is this normal? How much do you clean?

Usual workload in our house:-
Dust whole house every day
Hoover whole house at least once per day
Wash towels, bathmats etc 3x per week
Deep clean bathrooms (including steam cleaning) 3x per week
Steam clean kitchen 2-4x per week
Clothes washing done on Tuesdays and Fridays

Might have forgotten stuff above but unsure. She does have some OCD tendencies like shoes have to be taken upstairs and put away as soon as you enter the house, guests shoes are placed into a shoe box in the hall. Also her clothes are arranged into seasons and colours in her room, I definitely find this a bit obsessive but also useful.

I've grown up with this and don't really find it abnormal, but my partner thinks she's overly clean and obsessively so.

Also for reference, my parents house is huge - 5 bedroom detached, with an acre garden and conservatory and outhouses so for example, to vacuum it takes about an hour, these aren't quick jobs.

Any input appreciated!

Given the size of the house I would have thought that your dm would have a cleaner or does she think the cleaner wouldn't do as good a job

It sounds bonkers to me, but I'm a lazy slut.

Good heavens. I have a cleaner. She dusts, not every week but most; hoovers whole house every week; cleans the bathroom every week (what's steam cleaning? ; cleans kitchen every week (again, never heard of steam cleaning it).

I wash towels etc when I remember they need it –not that frequently.

I wash clothes about two or three times a week.

Obviously wipe/hoover/whatever in 'spots' if things get spilt, after cooking etc.

Your mum would have a conniption.

My mum wipes everything down, bleaches, sprays and wipes with antibacterial stuff, then wipes again, then dusts over everything to make it sparkle

that does sound a bit much. I don't think that wipes are good for cleaning, they are just a quick cheat, but I don't get the point of using them after bleaching. It sounds completely unnecessary to me, but it's not my house.

There was a program about obsessive cleaners: one woman would remove all the bedding to wash, make the bed with the uncovered duvet and pillows, then put clean bedding and make the bed again. The whole thing didn't make any sense to me and sounded like a waste of time. I guess that's what obsessive cleaning is: unnecessary activities, cleaning the same thing 3 or 4 times when once would have been enough.
Dusting daily, weekly or monthly is more a personal choice. If I had the money and the staff, I would be happy to have my house deep cleaned every day.

I would worry about someone who cleaned to that extent, OP. The laundry sounds absolutely fine, but the rest is OTT. The excessive use of steam cleaner would make me wonder about a germ phobia. Hoovering every day is only understandable if there is a dust allergy in the family or if they have a big, hairy dog.

My mother used to dust twice weekly and clean loos/sinks daily. Hoover/mop daily. She's eased off a bit. I found this too much tbh. Yours is even more obsessive. Surely dusting more than once a week is excessive unless things get extremely dusty e.g. Top of cooker hood and tv etc. And hoovering every day is ott as well unless you have lots of pets or children.

FlaviaAlbia You're minging, sorry.

That is an insane amount of cleaning. I have a big house and a dog. I dust once a fortnight and Hoover once a week. Bathrooms are cleaned weekly if I can be bothered. Sometimes they are not cleaned for two weeks. Kitchen is the same. Floors steam mopped weekly. Clothes washed as required. My house does not look remotely dirty as I am pretty tidy and I don't have any children at home making a massive mess. I would rather be doing something interesting than cleaning. Life is too short.

As somebody with OCD (was a bit offended by the "clean freak" thing but see you apologised for that) a clinical diagnosis for OCD is if she spends more than an hour a day doing rituals/having obsessive thoughts and it negatively impacts her emotionally. So if she gets stressed, anxious, upset etc if she cannot do her cleaning, cleans in a specific set ritual (which it sounds like she does) and has negative thoughts or feelings if it isn't done "right". 4 hours a day would be pretty significant impact if it is OCD and not just something she wants/enjoys doing. Fear/anxiety about germs and dirt is quite a common presentation of OCD, one i have myself. I honestly can't even explain why i'm afraid of them, i'm not worried about germs being ingested and making me ill which a lot of germ phobic people are. I just can't stand the thought of them being there but don't worry about them doing me harm.
Try and sit down with her and ask her, gently, if she's cleaning out of boredom, or if shes experiencing anxiety. It can be a difficult and embarrassing thing to admit, but theres help available if she is suffering with OCD.

I'm pretty sure my mother has OCD jill - she's very ritualised, to the point that it's hard for her to leave the house. The problem is that she will insist that she's just "better" than other people and that her way of doing things is "right" while everyone else is "wrong". I suspect that many people with OCD lack your self-awareness and your bravery in admitting that there's a pathology at work.

Which one of my list in particular makes your say that or is it all of them @ThePiglet59? I'm mildly curious.

How dirty can a house get really?

Sounds about right to have everything spic and span in a big house. Housework is never-ending

I presume only 2 bedrooms are being used. Are the other 3 being hoovered and dusted daily

IMO you're overdoing the dusting and hoovering but everything else looks ok.

Uppity, how can housework be as never-ending as that in a house normally occupied by two people?

She sounds amazing.

Could she do my house?

She sounds amazing. Can I borrow her for a bit?

How can she be deep cleaning when there's no chance for any dirt or dust to build up?

I've done some deep cleaning this week. Much of my tidying and cleaning is light refreshment of the main parts of the room, then every few months (normally coinciding with guests ) I'll do a more thorough clean, moving things around, skirting boards etc.

The flylady cleaning schedule has a quick daily wipe of key areas like sinks, bathrooms, and a weekly "home blessing" whipping around the house getting the main parts into reasonable order, then a monthly rota of deep cleaning in a couple of zones at a time.

It sounds like an excessive amount of cleaning to me. The key questions are how does she react if it's not done, and what is she sacrificing to do this much cleaning (also, is she free to pop round to mine tomorrow morning )

That's not normal, it sounds like she needs a hobby or something else to focus on. Has she got anxiety? It sounds like she is frightened of germs and dust, and if she doesn't often leave the house, it may be a symptom of an underlying problem?

ThePiglet59 ridiculous. Minging? Really? Sounds perfectly acceptable to me. Some houses just don't generate that much dust or dirt.

Tbh that all sounds pretty normal for a house proud person who doesn't work. She could probably dust less (though I have lived in areas where dust from local industry enters the house and builds up incredibly fast, so depending on where she lives it may not be excessive) and skip one cleaning of the bathrooms, but vacuuming each day, washing towels and mats every second day, and giving the kitchen and bathrooms a few good scrubs a week is all pretty normal for people who prioritise a clean house. And surely most people have to wash clothes twice a week regardless of cleanliness standards? Having an organised wardrobe is also normal.

It would be an issue if say, you all went out for the day and into the night and when you got home she stayed up cleaning, or if she had to come home to clean, but otherwise I wouldn't worry.

I think it just comes down to personal preference. I have a cleaner 3 times a week because I like things to remain clean all the time. Other people will wait til dirt and grime actually builds up, then clean. It really just comes down to whether you prefer the feel of a spotless house or the feel of only doing a light clean once a week.

Not sure what the Norm is really , I just know I need to clean more lol

All that is ott. I don't even own a steam cleaner.

I do clothes washing every day though-often twice daily!

At the end of the day if she's happy with doing it then it's no-one else's business. One person's deep cleaning is another person's 'doing it properly' (mine). If she had other things to do she'd probably clean less, but while she hasn't let her spend her time the way she likes. If you're living there then you do it her way.

That amount of cleaning is way over the top.