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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is she a clean freak?

110 replies

inspiredbutohsotired · 07/04/2017 14:25

Currently living with my parents until DP and I can get a house sorted (we both have separate lets but have a baby due in august, long story!)

I'm almost 6 months pregnant and my mum likes me to help out with the housework - I'm more than happy to do this, obviously! I'm not complaining about having to help.

The issue is my partner thinks she's a clean freak/possible OCD etc. And is worried I'm doing too much and possibly enabling her.
Is this normal? How much do you clean?

Usual workload in our house:-
Dust whole house every day
Hoover whole house at least once per day
Wash towels, bathmats etc 3x per week
Deep clean bathrooms (including steam cleaning) 3x per week
Steam clean kitchen 2-4x per week
Clothes washing done on Tuesdays and Fridays

Might have forgotten stuff above but unsure. She does have some OCD tendencies like shoes have to be taken upstairs and put away as soon as you enter the house, guests shoes are placed into a shoe box in the hall. Also her clothes are arranged into seasons and colours in her room, I definitely find this a bit obsessive but also useful.

I've grown up with this and don't really find it abnormal, but my partner thinks she's overly clean and obsessively so.

Also for reference, my parents house is huge - 5 bedroom detached, with an acre garden and conservatory and outhouses so for example, to vacuum it takes about an hour, these aren't quick jobs.

Any input appreciated!

OP posts:
DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain · 08/04/2017 10:10

She sounds like my mum who almost certainly has OCD. My mum can't leave the house until she's done a full clean and get's upset at the suggestion we should give it a miss for one day. She also ropes visitors into it too. If she stays at my house she doesn't do it. If your mum is the same I think that is obsessive.

DoNotBlameMeIVotedRemain · 08/04/2017 10:13

My MIL also likes a clean home but she doesn't have the same compulsion to clean my mum does.

Blinkyblink · 08/04/2017 10:14

My DM was like this.

Very House proud and enjoyed doing it.

Not OCD in my opinion

muhajaba · 08/04/2017 10:38

She's house proud and enjoys taking care of her home and having it look nice, I dont see whats wrong with that. I think only hoovering once a week or every fortnight is quite grim though.

UppityHumpty · 08/04/2017 11:23

@muhajaba totally agree with you. I think some of the people posting here are slobs & defending their laziness tbh. Only 3 people in my home but we vacuum every day because dust and dirt on wood floors builds up. We dust daily too. We can't deep clean (cupboards, windows, doors) as often as we like but doing it once or twice a week as a minimum. And my house still looks shabby!

DingDongtheWitchIsDangDiddlyDe · 08/04/2017 11:26

I think some of the people posting here are slobs & defending their laziness tbh

Sod off.

BarbaraofSeville · 08/04/2017 12:04

I've just listened to Woman's Hour from Wednesday where they talked to Tiffany Dufu about her book 'drop the ball' which is basically about reducing household cleaning to a sensible level and sharing it equally with everyone in the house instead of being a martyr with impossibly high standards and taking on all responsibility for doing all the cleaning unnecessarily frequently.

It made me think of this thread.

TeaForever · 08/04/2017 12:30

I think people in general often misunderstand OCD. It's not always about physical cleanliness & tidiness. In fact it often isn't. Though of course it can be too. There are a huge variety of obsessions & accompanying compulsions an OCD sufferer can be afflicted with. It would be perfectly possible to have OCD so severely that there wasn't time for the poor sufferer to even do housework, as they'd be so busy performing all their other OCD rituals.
So re your mum OP, she may or she may not have OCD, I don't know either way. Though I can safely say she does way more housework than I do! I aspire to do more Grin

Congratulations on the pregnancy btw, best wishes Flowers

GloriaGilbert · 08/04/2017 12:43

I've just listened to Woman's Hour from Wednesday where they talked to Tiffany Dufu about her book 'drop the ball' which is basically about reducing household cleaning to a sensible level and sharing it equally with everyone in the house instead of being a martyr with impossibly high standards and taking on all responsibility for doing all the cleaning unnecessarily frequently.

I can't think of anything that would benefit my life in a practical sense more than this.

Nanny0gg · 08/04/2017 12:45

(How do you even dust every day, there's no time for the dust to settle surely....)

Surely that's the point...

It's way more than I would do, although I would like my house to be cleaner and tidier than it is. But the point is, it's her house and as long as it isn't actually stopping her doing something else because she must do it and as long as it's not making anyone elses' life a misery, then it's up to her.

And if it's too much for you at present then do what you can and leave it at that.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 08/04/2017 12:47

I'm OCD diagnosed and that pretty much sounds like my workload a day, possibly a bit less (we have 3 kids and a dog). You can't enable OCD just like she can't control it.

TeaForever · 08/04/2017 12:58

SaorAlbaGuBrath I feel for you. It's such a debilitating condition, whatever the nature of the obsessions & compulsions in question, which can vary enormously as mentioned in my earlier post.

I highly recommend inositol powder (part of the B-vit group) it's provided at least partial relief for many OCD sufferers. Do take care Flowers

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 08/04/2017 14:10

TeaForever I've never heard of that, I'll look into it, thanks Smile
It's horrendous, people just see a nice clean house and think it's just that but it's not. It's so much worse in times of stress or worry, and an actual compulsion not just a need.

gobbelinothewitchescat · 08/04/2017 14:37

I think that sounds pretty ok - but I think what matters is if she is happy with it, or feels she is missing out on things because she is too busy cleaning. What is your partner's expectations of housework and how the house should look? I imagine as PP have said it can cause a lot of friction if one of you likes things clean and tidy and the other is happy for things to be messy or out of place or dusty.

I don't dust every day, maybe two or three times a week - and vacuum at least every other day, clean bathroom twice a week etc - but I am at work all day. I expect if I was home every day, then I would do it more frequently.

TeaForever · 08/04/2017 14:41

I know. It takes you over. I think it's almost impossible for people with no experience of it (either personally or due to having friends/family who are sufferers) to understand the impeding intrusive horror of it. It's a monster of a condition. I hope you experience some relief from it soon xx

LIZS · 08/04/2017 14:44

Way too much. Most of those things I do weekly or monthly at best, except kitchen , bathroom and hoover living area.

TeaForever · 08/04/2017 14:46

My last post was for SaorAlbaGuBrath (I should have explained). But of course it applies to all other OCD sufferers too. I honestly believe that severe OCD is one of the worst things a person can suffer from. It's impossible to compartmentalise, and just steals your life. Flowers for any OCD victims.' Victims' really is the right word Sad

Bluntness100 · 08/04/2017 14:48

I also thought I was a clean freak, my home is spotless and I hate clutter or mess, but I've nothing on your mum, in comparison I look positively filthy. 😂

Yup, it's too much and it's obsessive sounding.

SnookieSnooks · 08/04/2017 14:49

Your DP is right! Dust if you must but there really is more to life.

HecateAntaia · 08/04/2017 15:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SaorAlbaGuBrath · 08/04/2017 15:45

TeaForever thank you, it's a relief when someone understands. Thankfully DP is amazing, and my family and friends for the most part at least try to understand. My mum is very sick just now so my OCD has gone into overdrive, but for the most part it's usually under control (ish) unless I'm extremely stressed or upset.

fromwesttoeast · 08/04/2017 17:32

If you don't hoover every day - what about all the hair? Human hair? I will Hoover, put it away, turn around and there is another hair!! It's me and two DDs. Hair everywhere.

BarbaraofSeville · 08/04/2017 17:52

Life can and does go on if there is hair on the carpet West. It really doesn't matter.

blueskyinmarch · 08/04/2017 18:05

What about the hair? It will always be there to some extent. It won’t harm you. I go on the idea that once you have cleaned your house is at 100% clean then it gradually declines over time. I suspect my cleaning instinct kicks in when it is around 50/60% clean. I am happy with that and it has no significant effect on my health or happiness.

ijustwannadance · 08/04/2017 18:10

Is she just bored and does it out of habit to keep herself occupied?