I think there is a balance and it is hard to find the right point. When I was a young mum in 1971 I got alot of criticism for working. Most working class women worked part-time and the term "pin money" was still frequently used. I was married just after my 17th birthday and a mother 12 months later. I wasn't a good student and couldn't wait to leave school but giving birth changed me. Our rented flat wasn't good enough for my child and so I went back to work, I persuaded my boss to give me day release to college and as well as having three more babies I got professional qualifications and my career progressed. My husband became disabled and I was the main breadwinner as well as mother and carer. We have a nice house, investments and a good income, my children all have degrees and good jobs.
Now I look at young mums and I sometimes wonder if me and other women like me have been the cause of so many young women not having the choice to be fulltime mothers. We fought for the right to work, childcare was a joke in the 1970s with less provision than 30 years earlier, I wrote a dissertation about it, we won the battle but sometimes I look back at the years of juggling and wonder if we lost the war.
My daughter is saving now so that when she starts a family, hopefully in the next couple of years, she will be able to take a year off work. I don't remember any of my friends worrying about that in the 70s, if you wanted to stay at home no one questioned it.
Mothers have to take responsibility for their sons, mine aren't sexist, they do their share of housework/childcare and their wives and MsIL will agree on that. Why? Well they grew up thinking it was normal for women to work and they were expected to do their share. None of them rely on their wives to remember dates or buy presents, my sons definitely choose presents for me as they are often a reference to something in the past that their wives wouldn't even know about.
I find it sad that women attack each other and often find women far more judgemental about each other than men were. I worked in a male dominated area for many years and yes there were moments that weren't great but for the vast majority of the time the men I worked with were brilliant colleagues. When I started work women were often earning half what men were and I know it still isn't equal but it is alot better and I think some of the gap must be down to some women choosing to take a career break when they have children, it seems to be a minority now but it still happens.
I don't view men as the enemy and I wouldn't expect any man to cross the road because I might be frightened. I grew up in a rough inner city area and I've never been frightened, I learned how to deal with kerb crawlers when I was 11 and whilst some women might like the man to cross the road I would feel patronised if a man did it to me. Men can't win sometimes can they?
My daughter earns more than her partner and he does the majority of the housework because she works long hours. One of my DsIL earns more than my son, I think they are pretty equal on housework. I find lots of young men I know do their fair share, I think my generation might be skewing the result on that one as I know lots of women my age who rate being a housewife very highly, the housework and cooking and high heels and make up genes passed me by.
I don't have great concerns about equality for most adult women in the UK, the group I worry about is the younger ones. Teenage boys seem to have a hefty diet of porn and it is affecting their view of what it means to be a man or a women and unfortunately girls seem to be buying into as well. So for that reason I think we need feminism and it should be fighting porn because that is where I see the threat. The damage done by porn added to poor opportunities for many because schools seem to be failing many white, working class boys seems a great danger to me.
Of course I accept that women in their 20s 30s and 40s might see it very differently to me. The view from here might be different.