Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting child christened if your aren't religious

189 replies

Emboo19 · 06/04/2017 10:26

Maybe not so much a AIBU, more WWYD!!

Neither me or my boyfriend are religious at all, we were both christened as babies though.
When we first talked about having dd, now 6 months christened, her dad was really against it. He said as we aren't religious it's just hypocritical. I think it was more to do with how he was adjusting to being a dad though as now he's saying we can do if I want.

My grandparents and my boyfriends mum and grandparents, are both quite religious and I know would both really like our dd to be christened. They haven't overly mentioned it or pressured us to have it done, but I know they'd be really happy if we decided to do so.

And there lies my what do I do!! I feel a bit odd, (but can't put my finger on why as I have no religious beliefs) that me and him are both christened and our dd isn't. But think I'd feel hypocritical, asking for her to be christened and standing in church doing whatever it is you do at a christening (I've only ever been to my own and can't remember that!)

It's not about marking or celebrating her being born, I know there's non religious alternatives. But I'm not interested in it from that point of view.

Did anyone get their child christened and don't actually follow the religion? And if so for what reason, family believes, tradition?

OP posts:
FerdinandsRevenge · 06/04/2017 11:26

I think it's really awful, and I judge and assume they're after gifts/ a good place in local school

*not that anyone should have to do that to get a place...

alltouchedout · 06/04/2017 11:26

alltouchedout I believe a baby's christening is an event for all children, regardless of faith

It's called a christening though. Because you're baptising them into the christian church. And as part of it, you promise to raise them as a christian. I just had a look at the CofE site and they say "It’s the start of an amazing journey of faith for your child". I'm one of the most vocal atheists I know, but I think it's pretty bloody low to have a christening because "it's tradition" when you don't believe a word of it and have no intention of following through on any of the promises made during it. I also think it has wider reaching implications in that it continues the lie that Britain is an actively christian country and that the church should thus have the powers and influence it does.

That said, your dc, your choice, and I wish you all well.

WorraLiberty · 06/04/2017 11:27

You christening your child and your reasons for it is nobody's business but yours and 'God's'.

And the person you look in they eye and tell a bare faced lie to, so they agree to conduct the christening.

Tiggles · 06/04/2017 11:28

I assume the lying Worra is referring to is how you would answer the questions in the baptism service.
Assuming you are thinking of a C of E baptism you would be promising the following...

At the baptism of children, the president then says to the parents and godparents

  	Parents and godparents, the Church receives these children with joy.
  	Today we are trusting God for their growth in faith.
  	Will you pray for them,
  	draw them by your example into the community of faith
  	and walk with them in the way of Christ?
  	<strong>With the help of God, we will.</strong>
  	 
  	In baptism these children begin their journey in faith.
  	You speak for them today.
  	Will you care for them,
  	and help them to take their place
  	within the life and worship of Christ's Church?
  	<strong>With the help of God, we will.</strong>
  	 
  	The Decision 	 
  	 
  	A large candle may be lit. The president addresses the candidates directly, or through their parents, godparents and sponsors
  	 
  	In baptism, God calls us out of darkness into his marvellous light.
  	To follow Christ means dying to sin and rising to new life with him.
  	Therefore I ask:
  	 
  	Do you reject the devil and all rebellion against God?
  	<strong>I reject them.</strong>
  	 
  	Do you renounce the deceit and corruption of evil?
  	<strong>I renounce them.</strong>
  	 
  	Do you repent of the sins that separate us from God and neighbour?
  	<strong>I repent of them.</strong>
  	 
  	Do you turn to Christ as Saviour?
  	<strong>I turn to Christ.</strong>
  	 
  	Do you submit to Christ as Lord?
  	<strong>I submit to Christ.</strong>
  	 
  	Do you come to Christ, the way, the truth and the life?
  	<strong>I come to Christ.</strong>

If you want to see the full text of what you will be promising it is here

JaxingJump · 06/04/2017 11:29

I 'lied'. But I consider it 'playing along' for my children's and other family members benefit. I play along with Santa and the tooth fairy too. It feels no different. I think people with faith can god that hard to understand.

WorraLiberty · 06/04/2017 11:31

No you didn't 'lie' you lied.

And the person you conned most of all was the priest/vicar, who swallowed it all, therefore agreeing to conduct the service.

That's in no way comparable to santa or the tooth fairy.

TooManyTrolls · 06/04/2017 11:31

You christening your child and your reasons for it is nobody's business but yours and 'God's'

...and the schools admission board 😂

CheeseCakeSunflowers · 06/04/2017 11:33

At the Christening the parents and God parents would be required to confirm their own belief and make promises that they intend to bring the child up in the faith. If you have no intention of doing this then would you feel comfortable about lying in church. It is not an insurance policy to get you or the baby into heaven.
A wedding in a church when you have no belief is different as you are then making promises to each other which (hopefully) you intend to keep.

ShatnersWig · 06/04/2017 11:33

I think it's hypocritical, personally. I also think "doing it because our parents/grandparents wanted it" is also a load of rubbish. Don't people have their own minds?

I think the Baptists have it right. If you have faith as an adult and want to be baptised, then you do it. Full immersion job! But it's about your personal choice, not having a choice made for you when you're a child or baby.

JaxingJump · 06/04/2017 11:34

Actually the Priest/vicar is an instrument of God and as a grandchild of two ministers I am well versed on how a ministers job is not to judge but just to act of Gods behalf. Only God can judge.

I said it feels no different to play along with religion than playing along with Santa. As a non-believer, that's how it feels to me. The same.

BartholinsSister · 06/04/2017 11:34

The whole religion is based on a lie, I can't see how they would object.

WorraLiberty · 06/04/2017 11:37

Jaxing if parents rocked up to church and said, "I don't believe in all this crap but I want to christen my child to make the grandparent's happy/get my kid into a good school', there is no way in the world the priest/vicar would agree to it.

You know that and so do I.

Dreardre · 06/04/2017 11:37

Catholic here. Why do it if it's not your thing? It is a religious service and commitments are made. I have family members of non - Christian faith and no faith. Would not expect them to christen their kids . Why should they? It may piss off some family members, even close ones but they will just have to get over it.
Have some kind of welcoming ceremony, you don't need to pretend to be something that isn't you.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 06/04/2017 11:38

Sorry worra I meant I wouldn't lie about the reason we were getting her christened to the vicar.

I don't know about the ceremony. I don't feel it would be a lie as such, as I'm happy for my grandparents and his family, to talk to dd about their faith and take her along to church. And I did my brownie guide promise, even though I didn't believe in god!

OP posts:
RusholmeRuffian · 06/04/2017 11:39

I think it's massively hypocritical disrespectful to the church. Also I think children should have a choice about religion when they are old enough to make their own decision. I was christened to appease my grandparents and it infuriated me as a child to be told I was a Christian because of it when I didn't believe.

LoupGarou · 06/04/2017 11:39

I highly doubt any of the priests/vicars actually fall for these lies which they must have heard a hundred times I know a friend of mine who is a priest doesn't and he often says its very hurtful, to have parents lie to his face, treat him like he's stupid and then mock and laugh about religion the next day, or even at the party afterwards. Why not be honest and say you don't believe and let the priest/vicar decide whether they want to do it?

Mandalorian · 06/04/2017 11:42

But ultimately, even though I don't believe in this crap my children have the right to make up their own minds. So whilst I did lie through the christening I supported the DC's through their church events and attended services with them.

Ultimately both decided that they were non believers, but they both had the chance to discover that for themselves.

MaryPoppinsPenguins · 06/04/2017 11:42

We had ours christened and are not religious. It was important to the grandparents, no skin off my nose and a nice party Smile

picklemepopcorn · 06/04/2017 11:43

It's quite cultural in many ways, left over from when everyone went to church.

As a regular church goer, I occasionally get irritated when the service revolves around a family you know you probably won't see again, and whose guests are often quite rude and hostile. I give myself a good talking to though, because there are lots of good reasons people want it and lots of good reasons congregations should welcome it. And the family are always really appreciative and many of their guests very kind and gracious.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 06/04/2017 11:44

I know the vicar well, so there's no way I'd lie about the reason for doing it or that he'd believe me for one second if I tried lying!

OP posts:
JaxingJump · 06/04/2017 11:45

Nobody in my family would be intrusive enough to be rude if we didn't christen the kids. But part of believing unfortunately includes an element of fear. I know my mum is worried enough that I've no belief. She tries not to let it show but because she HAS belief, she is worried for my soul I guess. So christening the kids takes away a worry for some of the people I love. It's the fault of religion that they worry at all!!

But the biggest reason my kids are christened is that my husband is a practising Catholic with faith. So I say it's his responsibility to take them to church and oversee their religious education about Catholicism. I'll expect some respect and openness for my non-belief as the kids get older too and he'll accommodate that.

I went to mass last weekend with all the kids. There was a bake sale after with free tea and biscuitsGrin. But one thing I always loved about church was the community. So I will go out of respect for my loved ones beliefs, to avoid my mum feeling worried or upset, and to meet people in my community.

WorraLiberty · 06/04/2017 11:45

Sorry worra I meant I wouldn't lie about the reason we were getting her christened to the vicar.

Then when you tell the vicar what you've said in your OP.... "Neither me or my boyfriend are religious at all"

They won't conduct a christening anyway.

Why on earth do you think they would?

JaxingJump · 06/04/2017 11:48

Actually Worra the priest asks very little about parents beliefs in my experience. I like to think it's because they know it's none of their business. It's between people and God. Not people and their minister. The only time it comes up is in the actual ceremony when you are not lying to the Priest (he's asking the questions) you are lying to God.

GoldenWondering · 06/04/2017 11:48

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

beresh · 06/04/2017 11:49

I was brought up as a christian, but decided I was an atheist in my teens and didn't go to church for 15 years. On having a baby I felt really strongly I wanted her to be christenened, which was a surprise to me. We weren't even married, but went to talk to our local vicar and he was very supportive and our baby was baptised during a family service.

We felt so welcome in the church and enjoyed being there, so we started going to a children's short service about once a month...then I started volunteering for the church, decided to get confirmed and few years later we were married in the church too.

My children are older now and one of them wants to be confirmed next year, the other isn't a believer.

If you want to do it, I'd say do it and see where it leads!