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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Getting child christened if your aren't religious

189 replies

Emboo19 · 06/04/2017 10:26

Maybe not so much a AIBU, more WWYD!!

Neither me or my boyfriend are religious at all, we were both christened as babies though.
When we first talked about having dd, now 6 months christened, her dad was really against it. He said as we aren't religious it's just hypocritical. I think it was more to do with how he was adjusting to being a dad though as now he's saying we can do if I want.

My grandparents and my boyfriends mum and grandparents, are both quite religious and I know would both really like our dd to be christened. They haven't overly mentioned it or pressured us to have it done, but I know they'd be really happy if we decided to do so.

And there lies my what do I do!! I feel a bit odd, (but can't put my finger on why as I have no religious beliefs) that me and him are both christened and our dd isn't. But think I'd feel hypocritical, asking for her to be christened and standing in church doing whatever it is you do at a christening (I've only ever been to my own and can't remember that!)

It's not about marking or celebrating her being born, I know there's non religious alternatives. But I'm not interested in it from that point of view.

Did anyone get their child christened and don't actually follow the religion? And if so for what reason, family believes, tradition?

OP posts:

user1484603141 · 06/04/2017 10:40

Most churches do a naming ceremony, my eldest was done on Sunday after the church service when all the congregation were still there, the other 2 on a Sunday after service for just family. Not as religious as a christening.

RedStripeIassie · 06/04/2017 10:41

I doubt I'll go the whole hog and do the confirmation, first holy communion thing. I looked like a child bride in my pics. Full veil and everything!!

WankingMonkey · 06/04/2017 10:41

We did this to please our parents, both sets of whom are religious. Was a pretty nice day tb h but I felt like a bit of an idiot standing up infront of people saying all this stuff about God when I don't believe any of it.

Not sure if we are going to do it for DS. Grandparents are asking and have been for over a year but we are putting it off, but now I kind of think...if we did it for DD we probably should for DS.

Looking back we shouldn't have caved. As I said it was a lovely day and all but we were definitely hypocritical. Church didn't mind though, we were totally honest at the meetings and stuff, never pretended to be religious.

TriJo · 06/04/2017 10:42

My brother got his daughter baptised RC when she was 1 to make school admissions easier - they're in Ireland though and over 90% of schools are Catholic. He doesn't believe at all. The service absolutely made my skin crawl though.

I won't be having my son baptised. I've already been out of organised religion for 20 years so why would I want it to play a part in my child's life?

ImGonnaSingTheDoomSongNow · 06/04/2017 10:42

Really hypocritical to participate in religious ceremonies if you are not religious and doing it to keep family happy is not a good enough reason.

Have a humanist naming ceremony if you would like a celebration. And tell you parents your child can chose to partake in religion when she is old enough if she so wishes. Surely they can see that it would be wrong for you to stand up in church and lie about how you are going to raise the child within christianity when that is not what you are going to do?

MamaHanji · 06/04/2017 10:44

I think it's hypocritical if you aren't religious. The church and churches I have been part of are either baptist or born again type churches so they believe that you chose to be baptised when you are old enough to make that decision, usually over 8.

RedStripeIassie · 06/04/2017 10:44

worra I did the ultimate cop out of saying 'I'm spiritual and I definitely believe In something' not proud.

HelenaGWells · 06/04/2017 10:46

I don't like it and haven't done it for any of my kids, despite having religious family. I am Christian but it's our choice not to christen our kids. When the kids are older (at least mid teens but I intend to wait as long as possible) they can choose for themselves.

I believe faith is a personal thing and should be self chosen. Christening a child when you don't even have any kind of belief I find hypocritical.

TooManyTrolls · 06/04/2017 10:46

I think it's an odd thing to do if you aren't religious. I would think if someone was doing it who wasn't relegeous that it was for school admissions or so they could have a party 🤔

I think it would hypocritical.

Can a person who would like to get christened do so when they are older? I assume not but I haven't a clue?

VeryButchyRestingFace · 06/04/2017 10:47

I agree it would be hypocritical.

If your relatives are so concerned about your baby's immortal soul, then presumably they could baptise her themselves one day over the kitchen sink whilst babysitting or whatever and you'd be none the wiser?

Job done, soul safe, and no need for the pomp and ceremony of a ritual you don't believe.

WorraLiberty · 06/04/2017 10:48

Red that wouldn't have got you through the door of my local Catholic church

BeyondThePage · 06/04/2017 10:50

I do not believe in God so no, my kids are not Christened.

I don't just think it is hypocritical, I think it is a little sad that people feel they have to follow these "traditions" even when they don't actually believe in the fundamentals.

And it would add yet more stats to the number of Christians in Britain etc maintaining the power of the church despite most churches having an ever dwindling elderly congregation.

I also refused to be a God parent - for the same reasons. I would willingly act in-loco parentis for my best friend's children should anything happen. but I do not need to stand in a church to make it so.

KERALA1 · 06/04/2017 10:50

Very odd if you're not religious. In laws dutifully had Dh and his brother christened they are not religious and never went to church. Think they saw it as it's a "thing you are supposed to do" without actually understanding what they were doing

SetPhasersTaeMalkie · 06/04/2017 10:51

Yes adults can be baptised. As someone said upthread some churches will not baptize a baby but will wait til the child/adult can decide for themselves.

SpreadYourHappiness · 06/04/2017 10:53

Neither me nor DH are religious (though I was christened as a baby), but just like we got married in a church, I will absolutely have my children christened in a church.

We're traditional; we like doing things as we feel they should be done. So we'll do it.

Hippymama · 06/04/2017 10:53

Personally I think it is incredibly hypocritical. I'm currently having this discussion (repeatedly) with my mam as neither of my children are christened.

I'm pagan and believe strongly that my children should learn about all religions and when they are old enough, they can then choose what (if anything) they want to believe in. If they choose to get christened when they're older, then that would be their decision, not mine.

To stand in a church, in front of a vicar and to lie about promising to bring up my child in a particular faith does not sit well with me.

alltouchedout · 06/04/2017 10:53

I wasn't christened (both my parents were, my dad was confirmed too, but by adulthood they were happily atheist/ agnostic). My dc aren't christened. I cannot fathom why someone who wasn't a believer would get their child christened, tbh. If any of my dc come to me and say they want to be christened, I'll help them find a church, talk to a priest, do what they need to do to prepare, etc, but only because they want to.

MamaHanji · 06/04/2017 10:54

Adults can be baptised. My mum
Was 40 and I was 18 and my sister was 20 when we all chose to get dunked.

RiversrunWoodville · 06/04/2017 10:55

My DH had quite a sheltered upbringing and went to church with his mum every week when she was alive and well. He continued going most weeks after his dad died although frequently hungover as had begun to go out on Saturday nights. When we got together he missed a few more and gradually got less and less as it seemed he only went out of duty rather than belief, only going for the harvest (farmer) and rememberance sunday. He really surprised me with dd1 though was adamant we had to get her christened although couldn't really tell me why when I didn't hold with church. I have a few chronic medical conditions and also hate crowds and standing up in front of people so I dug my heels in and said if she wasn't christened at home I wasn't doing it. Eventually the minister gave in. Thankfully he hasn't mentioned it with dd2

WorraLiberty · 06/04/2017 10:55

We're traditional; we like doing things as we feel they should be done. So we'll do it.

But will you look the priest/vicar in the eye and lie to them for the sake of your tradition?

Mandalorian · 06/04/2017 10:56

At the risk of being torn to shreds...

I had both DC's christened in the Catholic Church and neither DH or I have any belief whatsoever (and no, didn't tell the Father that!)

I am Catholic, though as I said, with no belief. I was extremely selfish in the fact that I only did it to get both DC's into the local good Catholic school rather than send them to the other failing primary.
I don't expect I am the only one to have done that. I don't regret doing it either as it did benefit their education.

Creatureofthenight · 06/04/2017 10:58

I won't be getting my baby christened/baptised as we are both atheists.
My mum (and rest of her side of family) is Catholic but she wouldn't dream of pressuring me to have a baptism, she respects my beliefs - or lack thereof.
I do think it is quite ridiculous to stand in a church with a minister making promises to a god you don't actually believe in.

alltouchedout · 06/04/2017 10:58

We're traditional; we like doing things as we feel they should be done. So we'll do it
Surely the only reason a child should be christened is because their parents genuinely believe in god and that not christening their child would be failing them?
Or are you saying having a child christened when you do not believe in god, have no intention of raising them as a christian, and are happy to stand in a church and lie to a priest is the way things should be done?

KitKat1985 · 06/04/2017 10:59

I don't really agree with christenings if neither parent is religious. It just seems hypocritical to me. Me and DH are both atheists and as such haven't christened either of our DDs, but are open to them doing as they wish as they get older.

An old friend of DH's got their son christened a few months ago. We thought it was a bit odd as he never openly stated he was a church-goer / particularly religious but just assumed maybe his wife (who we don't know as well) was. We dutifully went (even though it was quite a long way for us) and spent quite a lot of money on a Christening gift etc. Whilst at the after-party DH's friend came over and spoke to us and said that they only had their son christened as it was a requirement for their preferred choice of primary school in the next few years. I wasn't impressed.

SpreadYourHappiness · 06/04/2017 10:59

WorraLiberty Absolutely. It would be no problem. Not like we'd be going to hell or anything

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