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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Getting child christened if your aren't religious

189 replies

Emboo19 · 06/04/2017 10:26

Maybe not so much a AIBU, more WWYD!!

Neither me or my boyfriend are religious at all, we were both christened as babies though.
When we first talked about having dd, now 6 months christened, her dad was really against it. He said as we aren't religious it's just hypocritical. I think it was more to do with how he was adjusting to being a dad though as now he's saying we can do if I want.

My grandparents and my boyfriends mum and grandparents, are both quite religious and I know would both really like our dd to be christened. They haven't overly mentioned it or pressured us to have it done, but I know they'd be really happy if we decided to do so.

And there lies my what do I do!! I feel a bit odd, (but can't put my finger on why as I have no religious beliefs) that me and him are both christened and our dd isn't. But think I'd feel hypocritical, asking for her to be christened and standing in church doing whatever it is you do at a christening (I've only ever been to my own and can't remember that!)

It's not about marking or celebrating her being born, I know there's non religious alternatives. But I'm not interested in it from that point of view.

Did anyone get their child christened and don't actually follow the religion? And if so for what reason, family believes, tradition?

OP posts:
WotsitWig · 06/04/2017 10:59

We're letting our DD choose for herself when she's older. Both DH and I are atheists, but were christened as babies.

I have friends who are non-religious, but christened their children as, "It's nice".

ChrisYoungFuckingRocks · 06/04/2017 11:00

I was religious when my DTDs were born (I'm a pagan now), and my ex was not religious at all (lapsed Catholic). He absolutely didn't want them baptised, so we had a blessing ceremony by the hospital chaplain (they were born at 28 weeks and spent 4 months in hospital). It was non-denominational and even the staunch catholic grandparents weren't too unhappy about it. I actually thought the blessing ceremony was nicer than any baptism I've ever seen Smile.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 06/04/2017 11:00

I don't feel the need for a naming ceremony or celebration, we all already know her name. It would be really just because we are christened (like I said don't know why that niggles me but it doesn't) and I know grandparents and bf's mum would be really happy about it.

My grandma has offered to have dd when I go to uni in September, to save us childcare cost, she will be taking her to groups and activities in church as she's quite involved and I've no problem with that.

I don't have anything against the church, I help out at fundraising events and stuff and like the sense of community it brings.
Just really don't believe in god or a after life of any description!
That said I celebrate Christmas and Easter!

OP posts:
SpreadYourHappiness · 06/04/2017 11:01

alltouchedout I believe a baby's christening is an event for all children, regardless of faith.

Wafflenose · 06/04/2017 11:01

I wouldn't. I can't think of a single good reason to do so, if neither of you believe?

We are Christians, but haven't had our children baptised either. We want them to decide for themselves.

WorraLiberty · 06/04/2017 11:02

WorraLiberty Absolutely. It would be no problem. Not like we'd be going to hell or anything

Not a good example to your kids though surely?

Religion is the priest/vicar's entire life and to look them in the eye and promise to raise your child within that religion, is pretty low imo.

MummysMaison · 06/04/2017 11:04

It might be worth thinking long term. If the school you want them to go to is a church school, if you are christenened you have a higher chance of getting in.

WorraLiberty · 06/04/2017 11:04

and I know grandparents and bf's mum would be really happy about it.

So they're not particularly religious either OP?

Because my family are (Catholic) and my parents/grandparents would have been ashamed of me, for lying in church of all places.

SpreadYourHappiness · 06/04/2017 11:04

WorraLiberty And you're entitled to that opinion.

LivingForHim · 06/04/2017 11:06

Non Christians having a baptism is not only hypocritical but makes a mockery of Christianity. Please don't baptise your child.

plasticcheese · 06/04/2017 11:09

You can have a thanksgiving service in church, you don't need to make any promises in that one.

AprilLudgateDwyer · 06/04/2017 11:09

My dh was raised as religious although not practicing now it was a huge part of his life. I wouldn't have done it personally but He wanted to christen the kids and they are his kids too so we did it, and it was a lovely day.

KitKat1985 · 06/04/2017 11:09

It might be worth thinking long term. If the school you want them to go to is a church school, if you are christenened you have a higher chance of getting in.

I'm sorry but I think it's terribly dishonest to have a christening and invite loads of people just because you want to get a child into a particular school. It's the parenting equivalent of throwing a big wedding just so a spouse can get a visa.

Original poster
Emboo19 · 06/04/2017 11:12

I wouldn't lie worra

My boyfriends family are catholic and his grandparents are really religious. Although they don't say anything, I know they struggle with the fact we don't plan to marry and that dd has my surname and that won't be changing. I guess I feel a christening is compromiseing slightly and giving them, a special moment.

My grandma is quite involved in the church, but I've never quite got her actual beilieves from her. Both her and my grandad go weekly though and took me as a child sometimes.

OP posts:
Original poster
Emboo19 · 06/04/2017 11:15

Wouldn't be doing it for schools anyway! But in our area, you need proof from the vicar/priest regarding regular attendance and how involved you are in the church, to increase your chances of getting in. A baptism certificate, doesn't make a difference!

OP posts:
Whatsername17 · 06/04/2017 11:16

You have to make a promise to raise her Christian. If you have no plans to do that then don't do it.

LoupGarou · 06/04/2017 11:16

I wouldn't, as others have said telling all those lies seems horrible to me.

I am religious and I haven't christened DS. To me its a very personal choice which is his to make and not mine to decide for him. I don't advertise the fact I'm religious as I wanted DS to grow up being able to make up his own mind without being influenced by my beliefs.

Another thing is a friend of mine wanted to join a different religion as an adult to the one she was christened into as a child, it made it much more long winded and difficult for her to convert that if she hadn't been christened.

KoolKoala07 · 06/04/2017 11:19

It's hypocritical. I didn't get married in church and had a non religious ceremony because I don't believe. Me nor Dh are Christened. I'm pregnant with our first child and they won't be christened. Friends have openly told me they only had the christening for the party Hmm

Tidythatmess · 06/04/2017 11:19

We decided not to christen our daughter which was a big decision in our extremely religious families. Certain members have been very frosty towards us since we broke the news and have told us we have let the family down and disappointed everyone. The guilt has been unreal. Even whenever we explain that we don't believe a word of religion they still would have preferred that we stood on the altar and lied than not get the baby christened.

MamaHanji · 06/04/2017 11:20

Instead why don't you have a get together, like a BBQ or something and invite everyone that means something to you and your child, and instead of promising to raise them in the way of the lord (which is what you are doing when you christen them), promise to raise them to be kind, thoughtful, giving...blah blah blah.

And just make it a kind of special welcome to the family, welcome to the world kind of thing for your grandparents benefi?

Or not. It sounds a bit pretentious, but they might like it.

WankingMonkey · 06/04/2017 11:23

So it seems everyone else who had their kids Christened pretended they were religious?

We were upfront and honest with the priest and he wasn't the slightest bit bothered. He actually said they get a lot of Christenings where the parents aren't religious. He did say we were welcome at any service and it would be nice to see our/kids faces at some and we get a regular newsletter about mass and stuff. But he didn't try to pressure us in any way nor seem to be bothered about our lack of belief. Though I did tell him I believe in something higher than us but I have no idea what. Which is true.

Benedikte2 · 06/04/2017 11:24

I believe that you need to have a baptismal certificate in order to get married in the Roman Catholic Church.
I like the tradition and actually feel it's easier for the child to be "done" as an infant than later in life if they need it and don't want to learn the catechism etc. Just get Godparents who can truthfully make the promises. Parents don't need to say/do anything other than agree to the christening.
Or you could just tell DGM to get on with it herself!

JaxingJump · 06/04/2017 11:25

I'm athiest and mine are all christened Catholic. For me it's so they get into the good school near our house. For DH it's because he is a practicing Catholic. Their Christenings were family events that were more important to some members than others. Since I don't believe in religion it makes no difference to me if they are christened, it's just a bit of family culture (both my grandfathers were ministers so family is fairly religious and observe all practices).

You christening your child and your reasons for it is nobody's business but yours and 'God's'.

WorraLiberty · 06/04/2017 11:25

I wouldn't lie worra

What? Confused

So how are you going to get through the ceremony and all the promises?

Highmaintenancefemalestuff · 06/04/2017 11:25

Me and Dh were both christened. We have no religious beliefs so decided not to get DC christened. I have no problem with them being christened when they are old enough to make that decision themselves.
Lots of people are getting their children christened for the wrong reasons these days, it's become a competition and an excuse for a party for some people.

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