Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I drink too much?

321 replies

user1491413344 · 05/04/2017 18:35

I drink a bottle of wine every night. DH says this is too much and thinks I should stop.

Is it too much? Thought it was okay.

OP posts:
MewlingQuim · 05/04/2017 19:17

I drink a bottle of wine every 6 months, so yes it seems a lot to me.

Rossigigi · 05/04/2017 19:17

I've just pm you x

Kikikaakaa · 05/04/2017 19:17

I mention the 'I'm not al alcoholic' as I have an emotional dependence not a physical one, also I don't want that label and plenty of people don't like it. But the labels aren't useful - it's recognising it and addressing it that's actually useful.
And I don't think I will ever drink again and guess what, it's not that scary after all!

Gottagetmoving · 05/04/2017 19:18

You are not relaxing, you are escaping and blotting out your feelings.
Drinking that much wine may feel good while you are doing it but your body win t be relaxed the following day. You will be jittery and then need more alcohol to 'relax' you again.
If you carry on as you are, you will cause Liver damage as well as kidney problems and nerve problems.
The fact you panic if you think of an evening of no wine is a massive warning you are dependent.
If you can't cut down you should get help through your GP.

GrannyHeadology · 05/04/2017 19:18

You need some help, you are drinking far too much to be healthy. If you cannot relax without an entire bottle of wine every night there is something very wrong. Your GP will be able to point you in the direction of support groups.

What is it that is stressing you out so much?

PinkFlamingo545 · 05/04/2017 19:19

Are you self medicating OP?

I drink too much, my husband nags me a bit about it, so I just do it partially in secret so he may think I'm having two vodkas a night, but really I have had five or six.

I do it because the doctors cannot help my awful anxiety. I have visited them back and forth for over 18 months now

skislope · 05/04/2017 19:20

Good post Kikikaakaa. If people were telling the OP that she was winding people up telling them she ate like 5 bars of chocolate a night there'd be others jumping in to say don't be cruel she has an eating disorder so be sympathetic, easily done etc.

Some people don't have coping mechanisms apart from the thing they become attached to for whatever reason. Just because some Mumsnetters don't drink or can't tolerate more than a few bloody glasses a month doesn't mean others can't and it doesn't escalate.
She needs to find other coping mechanisms that she enjoys - perhaps not crochet.

pencilpotmonitor · 05/04/2017 19:20

Have you tried the drink aware app. It's quite good for keeping track on how much you're drinking. You have to be honest though. And don't delete the app when you don't like what it says like i did You do need to get this under control before it takes over your life. You know that.

MagnumAddict · 05/04/2017 19:21

OP sounds like you have normalised your behaviour by thinking everyone else does it. They honestly don't, unless they are alcoholics.

Please get help, you are essentially self medicating to control your moods/emotions and the long term effects could be devastating to your health. Definitely worth speaking to your GP

Violetcharlotte · 05/04/2017 19:22

Yeah this is too much Confused I used it so the same though up until about 5 years ago, and considered it perfectly normal. It's only when you stop doing it you realise how much better you sleep and feel without it. I would start by trying to have a coupe of alcohol free nights a week, then step that up to not drinking on work nights.

Imaystillbedrunk · 05/04/2017 19:24

When my last job was rubbish I got into the habit of having wine every night, probably half a bottle for about 3 months. When I stopped working there I would still drive home and think ooooh I should grab a bottle, but it was more habit than anything.

I cut down to one bottle (split with husband) a week on a Thursday, as it's the start of my weekend. Haven't drunk since before Christmas, at first I missed my Thursday wine, but now I have seem to replaced it with a bath, fresh sheets and an early night watching telly in bed.

You can do it, but you need to identify that trigger and get rid of it or minimise it's effect on your wellbeing.

Try and make a bottle stretch 2 days. 2 big glasses a night should be enough.

JaneEyre70 · 05/04/2017 19:24

Jesus my intake is around a bottle a year..........! How on earth do you function drinking that amount daily? I think you should see your GP urgently to see if your liver is functioning properly tbh.

PurpleDaisies · 05/04/2017 19:24

If you thought everything was totally fine, surely you wouldn't be asking.

Cutting down is a great first step but if the thought of not drinking terrifies you, you should seek help with dealing with why.

Giddyaunt18 · 05/04/2017 19:25

I think it's too much. You don't get drunk because you are now tolerant of that amount. You are aware that the suggested limit is 15 units of alcohol per week? No amount of alcohol is safe but I'd aim to get below 15.

MrsELM21 · 05/04/2017 19:26

Too much OP, you need to at least cut down, wishing you lots of luck xx

e1y1 · 05/04/2017 19:27

Yes FAR too much.

LobsterQuadrille · 05/04/2017 19:28

Well, to give you another angle ... I've been in AA for years and was talking to my sponsor the other night, and we said that if we could have stopped at a bottle a night we'd have thought we were ok.

Not hugely helpful coming from two alcoholics though. It's not really the amount you drink that indicates that there is a problem; it's that you sound as if you need to drink. It's the dependency rather than the "whole bottle a night".

I'd start by having your bloods done - in early recovery I had mine done twice a year. It'll show you if you're harming your liver, which can be enough of a shock to change your habits - that's what it is, a habit. You've convinced yourself that you cannot relax without wine but it's a case of changing your routine.

Screwinthetuna · 05/04/2017 19:29

If you have to ask that question, it's too much.
If you drink a bottle of wine a night, you are a functioning alcohol, IMO. Have you had any liver function tests recently? It cannot be in good shape right now.
Why don't you dry and slowly cut down to one glass or have a sweet treat and a bath, etc?

Screwinthetuna · 05/04/2017 19:29

Functioning alcoholic, that should say. Smile

e1y1 · 05/04/2017 19:30

Just to let you know I'm someone who hardly ever drinks. There are a lot of us about. I'm sorry you're struggling. I hope you find a way through this

Yes another one here, In the last 2 years, I have had one evening of having alcoholic drinks (was a party).

Never had a problem with drink (but do come from a family line with a history of it), I just don't enjoy drinking that much - can really take it or leave it.

Good luck OP.

Gottagetmoving · 05/04/2017 19:30

I do it because the doctors cannot help my awful anxiety. I have visited them back and forth for over 18 months now

Alcohol increases anxiety. It will get much worse if you drink.

booitsme · 05/04/2017 19:33

It really is way too much. Women's livers just can't cope with that amount - you are risking seriously damaging your liver. A female very close to me died of liver disease caused by alcohol abuse. If you think I'm trying to scare you then I'm afraid I am - the men in the icu all survived and both females there died a painful and unexpected death. They weren't what you imagine - just stressed out mums who were drinking every day and their livers gave little warning and then gave up. One had been given the all clear the year before re liver damage. Whatever you do stay away from spirits and please cut down. It sounds like you are self medicating. Today's culture where so many women discuss drinking on Facebook etc makes it seem fine but drinking a bottle a day is not fine! You can do it - cut back or stop altogether if that's difficult. If I can help one person; I grieve every day for my loss and for her children.

Soozikinzii · 05/04/2017 19:35

My husband had a stroke and the doctors insisted he cut down his drinking .He was a heavy drinker having about the same as yourself .The consultant doctors in the hospital who were superb by the way ,were adamant that it was too much and he was putting himself at risk of another stroke. He has now cut right down and honestly he doesn't miss it ! It was just a habit .He's lost weight and is much more healthy. About once or twice a week we go out with friends and he'll have say two pints which he really enjoys. I'm sure the doctors would tell you the same xx

PuffinsSitOnMuffins · 05/04/2017 19:36

I thought this might be helpful: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/2870341-Brave-Babes-are-boinging-into-Spring-Join-us-here - support for cutting back on alcohol.

SuziePink · 05/04/2017 19:37

A bottle of wine a night is a lot. If you go to your GP you may be offered a liver function test which will put your mind at rest or you will need to take some action but either way you won't be worrying about it.

There will be support groups near you and you may be offered counselling through your GP or you can go private or you may be able to go through your employer to help deal with any underlying issues. If you are driving early in the morning it might be worth buying a home breathalyser kit so you can make sure you're not over the limit as a bottle of wine at say 10-11pm will put you over the limit before about 8am (based on your body processing one unit per hour, but that's only an estimate and your body may be slower than that).

At the end of the day it's your decision and you need to accept there is a problem and want to do something about it before you'll get anywhere. It probably won't be easy but with a supportive network you'll get to where you want to be.

Good luck OP