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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Do I drink too much?

321 replies

user1491413344 · 05/04/2017 18:35

I drink a bottle of wine every night. DH says this is too much and thinks I should stop.

Is it too much? Thought it was okay.

OP posts:

Cailleach · 08/04/2017 11:52

There's about 650 calories in a bottle of wine, OP. Aside from anything else, you're setting yourself up for massive weight gain over the long (and possibly even short!) term.

What you're doing is called "self-medicating", and it's incredibly common - it's why people abuse drugs, over-eat, and even get addicted to sex. At the root of it are underlying causes such as a difficult childhood, past trauma, undiagnosed learning disabilities, low self-esteem etc.

You need to get to the bottom of exactly why you're so stressed and anxious. I'd go to your GP and ask them to refer you for counselling, and go from there.

But no, a bottle a night is in no way normal at all. I have a colleague who does this and it is slowly killing her: she will be lucky to keep her job much longer to be honest, and everyone - including her - knows it.

And at 52,and in terrible health, she's not likely to find another job, full stop. It's really awful to watch. :(

jmh740 · 09/04/2017 08:25

I haven't read the whole thread but a bottle a night is much more than average I don't know anyone who drinks every day I work in a school and most people avoid drink on school nights. A bottle a day is not healthy. My parents are retired and are very sociable they go out a couple of times a week and drink a few pints at the weekend they will share a bottle or two of wine Fri sat and sun. On Monday my dad was hospitalised with acute pancreatitus he is very ill and will probably be in hospital another week. We never considered that they are big drinkers but this illness was caused by alcohol and he has been told he can never drink again. The man in the next bed drinks half a bottle of vodka a day he's in a much worse state than my dad and was moved to intensive care yesterday.

Op it sounds like you are an alcoholic and need to get help, drinking a bottle of wine a day and having withdrawal symptoms of you don't is a huge red flag

Cocklodger · 09/04/2017 09:07

You are drinking too much, but I'd like to point out that alcoholism doesn't come with a specific type of person, drink or amount. It isn't always the homeless guy necking his £5 plastic bottle of cider like it's going out of fashion, it can be any one of us. When you can't cope without alcohol(as you say yourself), be it a glass a night or 3 bottles a night you have a drinking problem.
It can be hard to see yourself as an alcoholic but please get professional help OP

ShowMePotatoSalad · 09/04/2017 09:10

My mum has had a bottle of wine every day for the last 25 years. She has nerve damage and alcohol-related dementia.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 10/04/2017 06:45

It's utter bollocks that a glass of wine a night means you have a drink problem cocklodger. No one who drinks at that level can't go without it and it is hardly a 'problem'.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 10/04/2017 06:46

Unless it is a particularly large glass....

frieda909 · 10/04/2017 12:23

Increasinglymiddleaged that's really not what Cocklodger said. The point was that it's not about quantity but whether or not you can go without alcohol. If someone truly felt they couldn't function without a glass of wine every night then I think that would be a problem.

JustSpeakSense · 10/04/2017 12:28

A bottle a night is too much, and really bad for your health.

Can you not just have a glass a night?
Why a whole bottle?

Vidorra · 10/04/2017 13:13

Good luck op (and others). I agree eith the previous posters that recommend going to your gp for help or tapering. Withdrawing from alcohol can be dangerous.

Some years back I was in a similar situation in that I didn't drink every night but could easily knock back 6+ bottles a week. This changed to binging once or twice a week after an extended sober period.

While I don't like the term alcoholic for myself although I probably am I know I do have a bad relationship with alcohol and call myself a 'problem drinker'. I cannot just stop at one drink without a lot of effort. I took the plunge at the end of last year and decided to quit for good this time and feel amazing for it.

For support there are Dry and Brave Babes found under relationships here. Other forums I've found of use are sober recovery and reddit's stopdrinking, some closed private groups in Facebook too. Tonnes of stop drinking blogs, books and podcasts (check under the first post of the Dry thread for some recommendations)

Best of luck to you all questioning if you should stop, I don't regret it for a second.

aniceglassofchianti · 10/04/2017 13:17

you know yourself...I drink a bottle or 2...

Increasinglymiddleaged · 10/04/2017 15:16

If someone truly felt they couldn't function without a glass of wine every night then I think that would be a problem.

This is a made up and nonsense scenario. Interestingly I can't function without a cup of tea first thing in the morning even if the above actually applied to a real person which I doubt the two seem rather comparable to me.

frieda909 · 10/04/2017 15:33

I think you're splitting hairs! The point remains that it's not about whether you drink over or under a defined amount, but whether or not you're actually dependant on it and can't cope without it.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 10/04/2017 15:36

So do I have a tea problem? Should I join NA?

frieda909 · 10/04/2017 15:39

Pretty sure we were talking about alcohol, not tea. What's your point? How exactly are you helping the OP here by cracking jokes about your morning cuppa?

Increasinglymiddleaged · 10/04/2017 15:40

The biggest issue with alcohol is that many people once they start drinking cannot stop even if they dont drink daily. This is minimised by ridiculous assertions about low level daily/ regular alcohol use.

Increasinglymiddleaged · 10/04/2017 15:41

How exactly are you helping the OP here by cracking jokes about your morning cuppa?

The op drinks a bottle of wine a day not a glass, so what relevance did your original post have?

frieda909 · 10/04/2017 15:45

Ugh, this is getting tiresome.

Cocklodger was making a sensible point about alcohol dependency and that it doesn't always come down to a particular threshold below which you're fine, and above which you're an alcoholic.

You chose to latch onto the 'glass a day' part of that comment, taking it out of context, which is what I responded to.

I'm not really sure what you're trying to achieve now but I've made the point I was initially trying to make (several times) and I have nothing further to add so I'm going to have a cup of tea instead of continuing this pointless argument. Maybe you should have one too?

Increasinglymiddleaged · 10/04/2017 15:50

Just had one thanks.

But for me the definition of a problem is just that, when alcohol is a problem in your life (is negatively impacting on your health/ happiness and the lives of those around you). That is why drinking tea despite it being a drug can never really be a problem and low level alcohol use even daily isn't always a problem. Cocklodger said that if you 'need' a glass of wine daily you have a problem. No you don't is my point because it isn't a problem in your life...!

Kikikaakaa · 10/04/2017 17:12

From someone who has issues with alcohol it really doesn't have to be much. I was very controlled about it, It's the anxiety that it causes, the planning that goes into it, the anxiety around not having it to be able to cope, the anxiety if you don't have that one glass, one bottle, whatever it is you are drinking. It's then a problem. It's obvious when people post that they have issues with even limited amounts of alcohol because it is the other feelings it causes in them that is indicative of an issue. The sensation of not coping, not being able to manage or see an evening through without the self medicating of alcohol. So a need.

Drinking one glass of wine per night on its own may not be indicative of a problem. But it can become a habit that easily escalates because you are already on the precipice of an issue once it becomes a daily habit. It only takes a bad time in your life to push the amount up gradually, and once the concept of 'I need this to relax' begins, that is tr seed that potentially takes hold. It did for me. It isn't the same for everyone, but from the other side, I see a lot of pitfalls and risks emotionally by drinking daily.

Amammi · 10/04/2017 18:04

OP it's far too much but then the whole marketing of wine has us convinced it's not really drink and you can't be an alcoholic on just wine.

You are a problem drinker.
Your husband is correct.

There is lots of help available.
Don't leave it - your liver and breasts are at risk for cancer and disease if you keep going at this heavy rate of drinking.

I wish you every success - you are not alone and there is a lot of help available once you are ready to make the changes.

moonchild77 · 10/04/2017 18:33

Your poor liver.

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