Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DD (14) wearing leggings and crop tops

274 replies

tactum · 04/04/2017 09:27

DD is very sporty, likes to wear nice stuff but definitely never looks tarty or overdone. Her clothes of choice and comfort are black leggings and a top. If I was wearing leggings the top would definitely cover my whole (enormous) bum.

However she very often wears a short tshirt or crop top and isn't at all concerned that her crotch and bum are on view. She is very slim but obviously is now developing a woman's figure. She is definitely not trying to show off her bum, just doesn't see any issue with it.

I can't really work out if I should talk to her about it or if I should just think, lucky her to be able to get away with it! I'm slightly more bothered about the crotch than the bum I think.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Funnyonion17 · 04/04/2017 10:35

Normal i would say. What concerns you?

Carriecakes80 · 04/04/2017 10:36

Firstly, leggings are not underwear, you don't wear them as long knickers! And secondly, if your daughter has the confidence to choose her clothes, leave her be! YABU xxxx

MadameCholetsDirtySecret · 04/04/2017 10:37

I couldn't give a fuck what people wear, but if anyone asked my advice, don't wear white pants under thin or sometimes sheer leggings. I wouldn't offer that advice unless asked though.

JustSpeakSense · 04/04/2017 10:37

If she is wearing what she likes for comfort and she feels happy and confident then that's great.

If you suspected she was trying to flaunt her figure off for attention (which it doesn't sound like she is) then you'd have reason to have a word with her.

A quick browse through my DD's Instagram feed shows dozens of selfies of 13 & 14 year olds scantily clad, sticking bums & boobs out and pouting for the camera. With hundreds of their friends commenting 'figure on you, babe!' 'So hot!' Etc. It worries me, my DD doesn't, but has admitted it's the girls that do that get all the boys attention. Because so many of them behave like this it becomes normal to them.

My attitude would be as long as she's dressing for herself and not to impress others, then she should wear whatever she likes with confidence.

Absintheshots · 04/04/2017 10:38

gingina I just feel sorry for the girls who are being mocked about their body shape. I have heard very unflattering comments about girls from the back of my car when I am chauffeuring the kids around. I would hate for my daughter to be the object of the teasing. Someone will draw attention to her mid section, and it will hurt.

I am just glad the kids have to wear a uniform at school, it helps there at least.

PuntCuffin · 04/04/2017 10:39

I wore a very short stretchy tube skirt and crop top most of the time at that sort of age. I wouldn't now.

Absintheshots · 04/04/2017 10:41

If you allow your child to do anything at 8, 10 or 12 you have to be consistent and allow it later. So if you are happy with red nail varnish, cropped tops, see through leggings at 10, then you are ok with it at 16. I think it's completely inappropriate.
It's my teens job to try horrendous fashions, but it's my role to police it. What's the fun of pushing boundaries if no one cares about what you do?

Porpoiselife · 04/04/2017 10:42

Depends on the leggings. My 14 year old wears crop tops and recently teamed it with some thin leggings. I told her straight out she might as well just wear tights as that's what it looked like from the back. She did change and now only wears very thick leggings or jeggings type.

We did see a young girl the other day wearing thin leggings and you could literally see her knickers through them at the back. I just thought poor girl, surely her mother should have told her as she obviously doesn't realise. My daughter actually thanked me then for stopping her going out like it.

JustSpeakSense · 04/04/2017 10:44

@Absintheshots @gingina

I think perhaps a quite and kind word from a loved one about a certain outfit not suiting her body type is far kinder and less damaging to her self esteem than being mocked or judged by her peers.

irregularegular · 04/04/2017 10:44

I think if the leggings are thick enough that you can't see her underwear it is fine. It's not my preferred look, and I certainly wouldn't wear it, but if my 14 year old wants to wear leggings and a short top then I think that's her choice.

I did however point out to her the other day that if she bends right over the fabric stretches on the bum and then you can see the stripes of her underwear. She won't be doing that in public in that outfit now.

cordeliavorkosigan · 04/04/2017 10:46

I have bought jeans, tights & shorts, made cutoff jean shorts, bought dance shorts, skirts, softest fabrics I can find, and I cannot convince my 8 year old out of leggings. All leggings, all the time. she likes running, gymnastics and being bendy and they are comfortable. Don't judge! no crop tops though, she wears normal length tops. Maybe I'll feel differently when she's 14, but for now this is not a battle I am going to pick.

Catherinebee85 · 04/04/2017 10:47

Please please please check she's wearing quality leggings. I've seen loads of girls out with their mums recently where the daughter's leggings are completely see through and I cringe!

Bonez · 04/04/2017 10:51

I think if it's thick leggings that don't show her underwear then just leave her to it.

PortiaCastis · 04/04/2017 10:55

Why are you more bothered about a 14year olds crotch. Sounds odd, are you her Father?

SaucyJack · 04/04/2017 10:58

Also..... while we're on the subject..... can we please debunk the myth that if your leggings are thin enough to see underwear through, then wearing a thong makes the situation better and not worse.

I don't want to see anybody's pants while I'm doing the school run- but I doubly don't want to see arse cheek either.

Just wear garments on your lower half that have been designed and manufactured for the purposes of outerwear in the first place. Simple.

Absintheshots · 04/04/2017 11:01

PortiaCastis

that's disgusting, what the fuck is wrong with you!

neveradullmoment99 · 04/04/2017 11:06

My dd who is 10 looks awful now in leggings and a tee. Tbh, I just dont like the look on her. My dd is slim but she is pear shaped - round bum and hips and it just doesnt look right on her. She looks much nicer with a longer top. However, i have seen other girls similar in age who look fine in this. It depends upon your daughter and her shape. Also agree about the leggings being thin. Really robust sports leggings look fine. Out of interest, my youngest daughter looks fabulous in the leggings and short tee look. She has a boy shape - no hips and a tiny bum. She is only 6 but its amazing what a difference a persons shape makes.

gingina · 04/04/2017 11:06

@justspeaksense - she is happy. Nobody has picked on her so why on earth would I rock the boat by making her self conscious.

gingina · 04/04/2017 11:08

@portiacastis Really???? Did you mean to sound so vile???
Why would her father be worried???
Ugh ...!

talksensetome · 04/04/2017 11:09

It's the fashion here too. I am too old and wobbly to carry it off so I wear 2 pairs of leggings or a very thick pair with longer tops.

I think if DD wants to wear the current fashion when she is older I will let her get on with it.

badtime · 04/04/2017 11:13

I used to dress like that in the 90s. It wasn't a problem then and shouldn't be one now; however, most leggings in the 90s were heavier and opaque, whereas a lot of them these days are basically footless tights and not suitable for wearing as trousers.

I think you should make sure the leggings are good quality and thick/opaque, and then just let it go. I can't tell you how much of a prick I still think my dad was being for trying to stop me wearing things like that.

Like many previous posters, I am also puzzled as to how someone can see a crotch when it is clothed.

carefreeeee · 04/04/2017 11:15

I think it's ok for lounging around (if not see through) but people round here have started wearing this sort of stuff to work - they look like they are going to the gym, wearing full lycra, to sit in an office. I think that is odd. These type of clothes are a bit revealing and I don't think it's appropriate in a professional environment. I guess most 14 year olds aren't in that situation though.

I suppose I dislike the leggings and short top fashion because it seems a bit discriminatory against fatter teenagers who won't be able to carry off the look. People are getting more and more obsessed with being skinny, and the leggings look really only suits girls with a young childlike/adolescent shape - even a normal sized fully grown adult looks odd in it.

I do often think that clothes in the 30's were better - those dresses they wore then suited pretty much every shape - can we go back to that please???

Bantanddec · 04/04/2017 11:19

I agree you should wear what you like but leggings should be good quality and no see through! I was once on an escalator in my line of sight was a woman's be-legginged bum and her PAD.

Kiroro · 04/04/2017 11:23

Good quality leggings are fine.

No different from skinny jeans or jeggings in my opinion on a slim person.

neveradullmoment99 · 04/04/2017 11:32

Like many previous posters, I am also puzzled as to how someone can see a crotch when it is clothed.

I suppose its when they are tight /close fitting and in danger of 'camel toe?' Not a good look for anyone.