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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I U to wear the same outfit to two weddings?

405 replies

GameOldBirdz · 04/04/2017 09:16

Since Christmas, I've been to four weddings. I'm that age where everyone I know is getting married!

I wore the same outfit to three of these weddings. Two of these same-outfit weddings were the same crowd of people- family. My cousin, who was at both family same-outfit weddings, sent me a load of photographs yesterday and said in the email "It's a shame you couldn't be bothered to wear something different".

I replied to thank her for sending and said "I'm sorry if I offended you recycling my outfit, I'm cheap Wink". We have a good relationship, we're friends, I thought she'd take this in good humour. But no, she sent a massive paragraph saying I was disrespectful, that it was very bad show, it was rude and that if I didn't want to go I should have declined the invitation rather than turn up inappropriately dressed (her words).

I did want to go to both weddings, it wasn't remotely meant as a 'fuck you' to the couple getting married. I told my mum about it and she agreed with my cousin that it was inappropriate.

So now I'm doubting myself and worried that I've made a massive faux pas and that everyone hates me?

So, was I being unreasonable to recycle the outfit? I should say that I did use a different bag/ accessories for both weddings but the basic outfit was the same.

OP posts:
HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 04/04/2017 11:05

I don't think I'd buy an entire new outfit if I couldn't afford it, but if I had a seasonally-appropriate alternative (and I think OP did, since she only wore this outfit to 3 out of the 4 weddings she attended), I would wear it.

AllMyBestFriendsAreMetalheads · 04/04/2017 11:07

Whether or not you can afford it is a bit irrelevant though IMO.

OP, you know you have to wear the outfit on Thursday right?! Grin

DancingUnicorn · 04/04/2017 11:10

I've worn the same dress to about 6 weddings now. I think I look great in it. Better that than looking crap in a new outfit that happens to be in style atm, or what I can afford at the time. Plus, I hate shopping! I cannot remember what any of my guests wore at my wedding last year! I was just glad to see people there!

donquixotedelamancha · 04/04/2017 11:11

"I told my mum about it and she agreed with my cousin that it was inappropriate."

Was the wedding in 1957. If not you are OK.

Your cousin is a loon. Your mum is presumably elderly? They are allowed to be weird about this sort of thing. My mum would think the same and has lots of batty views I ignore.

I wear the same outfit to every wedding, no one cares because I'm a man. Apparently these 'rules' are only for you lot :-)

ThePiglet59 · 04/04/2017 11:14

^"Did the men buy different suits too?
This!!!! Just another example of everyday sexism. Men can recycle the same outfit but god forbid a woman does!"^

Hang on!
Men don't care if women wear the same outfit to a hundred weddings. Don't lay that at our door.
Were the OP's cousin and mum men?

MargaretCavendish · 04/04/2017 11:15

Men don't care if women wear the same outfit to a hundred weddings. Don't lay that at our door.
Were the OP's cousin and mum men?

I have an amazing revelation for you... women can be sexist too.

Original poster
GameOldBirdz · 04/04/2017 11:19

Okay, I'm going to wear it on Thursday.

It's a navy blue jump suit so it can be dressed up or down.
I could wear it Thursday with some pumps and a casual cardigan.

OP posts:
VeryButchyRestingFace · 04/04/2017 11:19

She's not "harmless". She sounds like a horrible, poisonous cow.

Good luck on Thursday.

KoalaDownUnder · 04/04/2017 11:20

The batshit is strong in this one. Confused

Is there any chance the dress was inappropriate in some other way (outside the heinous sin of being worn twice)?

TheClacksAreDown · 04/04/2017 11:25

TBH in my own family if I had 2 weddings in close succession I would probably have just got 2 outfits just to avoid this kind of stuff as I have some relatives who have this similar weird views and I can't be arsed with the hassle.

But but but you did nothing wrong wearing the same outfit and to consider it disrespectful is totally wrong.

Allthebestnamesareused · 04/04/2017 11:25

Tell her you wore it twice because your outfit costs three times as much as hers! Tell her she was being disrespectful and rude because she wore a dress that was that cheap!

Anyway - that would be no more mad than her saying what she did.

RamGoatLiver · 04/04/2017 11:25

It's like the Daily Fail obsessing that the Duchess of Cambridge has been shockingly recycling her clothes I.e. worn a coat more than once.

BarbaraofSeville · 04/04/2017 11:28

But if the Duchess of Cambridge wore a different coat every time she was seen in public, she would be accused of pissing away public money on clothes Confused

I wonder if the journalists who wrote those sort of articles ever wore a coat or any other item of clothing more than once Hmm

HappyFlappy · 04/04/2017 11:31

I have one "posh frock".

I wear it for every (rare) occasion. (I have had it about five years - it's classically styled so doesn't date.) I have three different scarves that look good with it. I swap these of I can remember which one I wore last.

No-one has ever commented - not even "I've always liked you in that dress." (If anyone did, I'd do as you did and make a joke of it.) If they want to indulge in secret eye-rolling they can get on with it.

Personally I don't give a damn what other people wear (mostly - I have seen a couple of outfits that made me cringe, but not because they were "recycled" - because they were just so awful and inappropriate.) I don't regard other people's clothes as my personal mission.

Rikalaily · 04/04/2017 11:35

She's nuts! You can wear whatever you like as long as it's smart enough for the occasion. Just tell her you feel comfortable and look good in it and if you want to recycle an outfit that's your business. Cheeky mare.

BarbaraofSeville · 04/04/2017 11:36

Marie Claire's 'Kate wears clothes more than once just like a normal person'.

There are of course many other snidey articles about her clothes 'recycling'. Interestingly, Prince William is also in several of the pictures in the Marie Claire article, in what appears to be the same suit, which of course doesn't warrant a mention at all.

HappyFlappy · 04/04/2017 11:37

Unfortunately for her, this regular hinting and questioning guaranteed that my wedding outfit got its third airing.

This would be me ComfyShoes.

No way is someone telling me what I can and cannot wear . . . Envy (

CoolCarrie · 04/04/2017 11:38

What a cheeky bitch she was, it has got bugger all to do with her what you wear.

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 04/04/2017 11:39

I had no idea you could even begin to think it was 'disrespectful' to wear an outfit to more than one wedding! How ludicrous.

You go to a wedding to celebrate the marriage of your friends, not to show off your own wardrobe.

It seems to me yet another example of the fucked up attitude to weddings that is so prevalent today .

Please do wear it when you see her this week.

EatsShitAndLeaves · 04/04/2017 11:41

I read in a book once about the different approach English and French women have to clothes.

The latter invest in a limited number of very high quality and expensive "capsule" pieces that they wear repeatedly and re-style with different accessories - a beautiful Hermes scarf, some stunning jewellery, a statement belt etc. Friends are likely to say - it's lovely to see you wearing that beautiful red dress again and mean it sincerely.

Whereas in the U.K. we buy loads more, low quality clothes and are far more obsessed with having a "new" outfit that we style with old shoes and a tatty handbag and ponder why the French look so much more chic Grin.

SapphireStrange · 04/04/2017 11:44

Has she got nothing better to worry about? And what the jeff does it have to do with her when it wasn't even her wedding? Confused

I've got two wedding frocks, one for warm summer weddings and one for chilly ones. I don't think any of my friends or family have even ever noticed that they may have seen them more than once, let alone found it disrespectful.

GENIUS idea to wear the offending outfit when you meet up with her. GENIUS. Grin

MuddlingMackem · 04/04/2017 11:44

Haven't read all the replies, only the OP's posts but, OP, if you're BU then so was I. My DM got a lovely suit for my brother's wedding and wore it again at mine a couple of years later. She was going to get something else, but I told her it was really nice and getting something else would be a waste of money. Grin

The PP who mentioned men's suits is spot on. I see no reason why a woman shouldn't have a 'wedding outfit' in the same way a man has a 'wedding suit'. He maybe changes his tie, so she could perhaps change scarves / brooches / necklaces depending on what she's into, but meh, so long as it's a smart outfit, who cares.

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan · 04/04/2017 11:44

Your cousin is out of order.

My dh has worn the same suit to every wedding we've ever been to, including our own (23 years ago!). It's the only time he ever wears it so he's getting his money's worth Grin

One of my colleagues is getting g married in a few weeks, and mentioned that his brother is getting married a few weeks later. I commented that that would save his mum having to shop for 2 different outfits as she could wear the same one. Cue all my colleagues saying that she couldn't possibly do that. Although apparently his dad will be wearing the same suit to both......

pho3be · 04/04/2017 11:46

Why the fuck would anyone care? She sounds batshit & sorry but you sound weak - why did you apologise for offending her ConfusedConfusedConfused

BarbaraofSeville · 04/04/2017 11:48

I think the Mother of the Groom wearing the same outfit to both her son's weddings a few weeks apart sounds rather lovely.