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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was I U to wear the same outfit to two weddings?

405 replies

GameOldBirdz · 04/04/2017 09:16

Since Christmas, I've been to four weddings. I'm that age where everyone I know is getting married!

I wore the same outfit to three of these weddings. Two of these same-outfit weddings were the same crowd of people- family. My cousin, who was at both family same-outfit weddings, sent me a load of photographs yesterday and said in the email "It's a shame you couldn't be bothered to wear something different".

I replied to thank her for sending and said "I'm sorry if I offended you recycling my outfit, I'm cheap Wink". We have a good relationship, we're friends, I thought she'd take this in good humour. But no, she sent a massive paragraph saying I was disrespectful, that it was very bad show, it was rude and that if I didn't want to go I should have declined the invitation rather than turn up inappropriately dressed (her words).

I did want to go to both weddings, it wasn't remotely meant as a 'fuck you' to the couple getting married. I told my mum about it and she agreed with my cousin that it was inappropriate.

So now I'm doubting myself and worried that I've made a massive faux pas and that everyone hates me?

So, was I being unreasonable to recycle the outfit? I should say that I did use a different bag/ accessories for both weddings but the basic outfit was the same.

OP posts:
QueenofallIsee · 04/04/2017 10:15

You sure she is nice? She sounds godawful.

Tell her to piss off

Floggingmolly · 04/04/2017 10:21

Haha, they reenact their own wedding at other people's, Maxwell? Grin. Why do people keep inviting them?

BarbaraofSeville · 04/04/2017 10:23

It's sexist because many people expect different standards from men and women.

Men can own one suit and wear it for every wedding, funeral, court appearance, Christmas dinner and every other formal occasion they attend for years on end and not one person gives a fuck, ever. In fact one male newsreader wore the same suit every day on air for an entire year and no-on commented.

He did this because people would write in to the station he worked for in their droves if his female co-presenter wore the same dress or top while working on the same programme (New Zealand Breakfast News TV or similar).

I wore the same, quite distinctive, dress for at least half a dozen wedddings, with guest cross over, over a several year period. I probably won't wear it again because I have got a bit fat and even I am getting sick of the sight of it but it is totally ridiculous to buy an outfit to only wear once, whether it was cheap or expensive and is basically saying a big 'fuck you' to the planet's resources and the people who slaved for a likely pittance to produce the materials and the end product in question.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 04/04/2017 10:28

She's a shallow bitch. Surely the whole point of a wedding is to support the happy couple? If you're smartly attired then it's appropriate. Tell her to fuck off.

Wait4nothing · 04/04/2017 10:28

YDNBU
And your cousin and Mum are way to overinvested to notice! I regularly rewear wedding outfits - surely that is totally normal behaviour. I would have to comment about male guest

SheepyFun · 04/04/2017 10:29

DH once attended a wedding in shorts (and I was wearing casual trousers) - in our defence, the wedding was overseas, we arrived the night before, but our luggage didn't. The bride and groom didn't mind at all - they were just glad we came. No-one suggested we were being disrespectful, most people just thought it was amusing.

And I've worn the same dress to literally a dozen weddings, and I expect I'll wear it to a few more. You cousin is nuts.

CoraPirbright · 04/04/2017 10:29

I absolutely hate cheap, fast fashion so save up and buy good quality and wear it a lot. What on earth would your cousin say to the fact that I went to a do last week in a coat I have had for over 20 years?! Because it was good quality to start with and the kind of thing you are probably only going to wear maybe 2 or 3 times in a year, it still looks good.

You can easily find pics on the internet of the Duchess of Cambridge recycling her outfits - it caused quite a hoo-ha when she initially did it but now causes far less comment and makes her seem more down to earth. Perhaps send them to your cousin and say "if its good enough for a Duchess...."

Your cousin sounds mad and, dare I say it, a bitch.

redshoeblueshoe · 04/04/2017 10:29

Maxwell Shock and kissing Shock
tell us more

Vermillioncomfyshoes · 04/04/2017 10:29

I've worn the same outfit to three of DH's family weddings over a period of 10 years ( the only three times it's been worn, I hasten to add.)
My mil was scandalised the second time I wore it, and for the third wedding a couple of years later was on the phone almost everyday asking if I'd got something new for this wedding.
Unfortunately for her, this regular hinting and questioning guaranteed that my wedding outfit got its third airing.
I would maybe have been more accommodating if she wasn't always so bloody judgey and obsessed with what everybody wears.
She often wears classic cotton shirts with the collar turned up like they did in the 70s, and suggested that I did the same as it looks more 'elegant'.
She thinks that if you dress up posh you must be rich, and if you wear jeans and a shirt you must be poor, regardless of their condition.
Oh dear. Think this thread must have been a trigger Blush

Hygellig · 04/04/2017 10:34

That's ridiculous and very rude! I would definitely wear the same outfit to more than one wedding. In fact I have done before and no-one said anything; I doubt they even noticed.

Softkitty2 · 04/04/2017 10:36

She's nuts.. But personally I wouldn't wear the same outfit to a wedding where the guests are roughly the same crowd.

However she over reacted.

WatchingFromTheWings · 04/04/2017 10:42

I have a friend who had a formal dress as her wedding dress and wears it to other peoples weddings, that alone doesn't bother me in the slightest but her and her husband don't pay any attention to the couple when they are saying their vows and instead act like its their vows saying I do and kissing. Very odd.

😳

That's weird!

Wonder what your cousin would make of me....I'm getting married soon and ALL of my accessories are what I wore to someone else's wedding last year! I doubt anyone will notice.

Original poster
GameOldBirdz · 04/04/2017 10:44

Yes, she is a bit bonkers. She has very weird ideas about some things but most of the time I just laugh them off and tell her she's nuts.
For example, she hides her PJs under the duvet when her cleaner comes over because she thinks it's perverted to see what people wear in bed. Harmless, but bonkers.

She's not directed any of her oddness towards me before. Or maybe she has but subtly and I just haven't picked up on it.

OP posts:
RockyBird · 04/04/2017 10:49

We're past wedding season. I remember the year we were invited to 7, plus all the associated hens/stags.

I have a friend who wore the exact same little black dress and black/bronze hat to every wedding. She maybe changed her statement necklace or shoes but never looked anything other than stylish.

As everyone else has said your cousin is nutty.

Chloe84 · 04/04/2017 10:49

OP, it sounds like you're going to let her get away with it?

BurningBright · 04/04/2017 10:53

Crikey.

Make a point of wearing that very same outfit very time you see your cousin from now on. Grin

carefreeeee · 04/04/2017 10:55

Just tell her it's bad for the environment to keep buying new clothes you don't need and you've given the extra money to charity, because you care about other people more than you care about your own looks

Original poster
GameOldBirdz · 04/04/2017 10:55

No, I'm not going to let her get away with it. I'm seeing her on Thursday night. I'll ask her in person what the fuck she was on about. I just can't b bothered to enter an email exchange about it.

OP posts:
scottishdiem · 04/04/2017 10:56

As many thread here on MN have shown, many people getting married (lets face it, the brides) have an epic and disproportionate understanding of how important their wedding is to most, if not entirely all, the guests. A new dress will be seen as "making an effort" in some kind of odd way.

As for suits, most of my family have noticed that my cousin has only one suit. Its been worn to a few weddings, a couple of celebrations and at least one funeral. Not just the suit but the shirt and tie combo that goes with it. No-one sees it in a bad way though.

iseenodust · 04/04/2017 10:57

Tell her to take a running jump. You made an effort to look nice. I think changing the accessories should win you a bonus point! People invite you to a wedding because they want your company.

Molecule · 04/04/2017 10:57

Dh is one of seven, and they've all bred like mad, so some years we have three of four weddings to attend. This used to stress me out as it was the same group of people at all the weddings, so I always felt I needed another outfit, and with four young children to dress as well it - how I loved a child-free wedding - cost a fortune.

The one good bit of advice my MIL gave me (in 26 years of marriage) was that no one was that interested in what I was wearing, and really wouldn't remember by the time of the next wedding, all eyes are on the bride and bridesmaids. I have been recycling my wedding outfits for years now. Your cousin and mother are being ridiculous.

Maxwellthecat · 04/04/2017 10:58

haha they get invited because they she's our friends and even though they are totally weird sometimes friendship is more important than wedding etiquette. She's been our friend for ages and has had a hard time with men. Then she met this very young, very physically fit man and she ADORES him. She thinks that he is the most attractive man in the whole world (he's really really not) and can't believe her luck. We don't mind because she's happy and he treats her well even though it is annoying and immature.

Her DH does get on my nerves mind, at my wedding there was a point where I was dancing and my friends made a circle around me cheering and clapping (you know because its my wedding) and he burst into the middle of the circle shouting DANCE OFF and started doing handstands and flips. The crowd immediately dispersed.

RainbowsAndUnicorn · 04/04/2017 11:01

I'd have worn it to all of them too, I'd not have any other place to wear it so would be an utter waste to buy four wedding outfits!

user1485984489 · 04/04/2017 11:02

OP - please do report back after Thursday and let us know what happens. Hope all goes well. :-)

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 04/04/2017 11:03

I personally would not wear an identical outfit a few weeks apart with the same people. Different people, yes absolutely. With a long time apart, maybe.

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