Was I U to wear the same outfit to two weddings?

[GameOldBirdz]

Since Christmas, I've been to four weddings. I'm that age where everyone I know is getting married!

I wore the same outfit to three of these weddings. Two of these same-outfit weddings were the same crowd of people- family. My cousin, who was at both family same-outfit weddings, sent me a load of photographs yesterday and said in the email "It's a shame you couldn't be bothered to wear something different".

I replied to thank her for sending and said "I'm sorry if I offended you recycling my outfit, I'm cheap ". We have a good relationship, we're friends, I thought she'd take this in good humour. But no, she sent a massive paragraph saying I was disrespectful, that it was very bad show, it was rude and that if I didn't want to go I should have declined the invitation rather than turn up inappropriately dressed (her words).

I did want to go to both weddings, it wasn't remotely meant as a 'fuck you' to the couple getting married. I told my mum about it and she agreed with my cousin that it was inappropriate.

So now I'm doubting myself and worried that I've made a massive faux pas and that everyone hates me?

So, was I being unreasonable to recycle the outfit? I should say that I did use a different bag/ accessories for both weddings but the basic outfit was the same.

[PrettyGoodLife]

I think is sounds like you are confident enough to know what suits you and have stuck with it. She sounds utterly bonkers! I try to buy the best quality I can and wear again and again.

[Floggingmolly]

What a rude cow. There's nothing "shameful" about it, and it's certainly not something she in particular should be taking offence at.
Don't reply, she might think you're actually taking it seriously...

[multivac]

I've been wearing the same £15 frock to weddings (and other events) for the past 15 years; your mum and cousin are, frankly, being thoroughly weird about this.

[Dumbo412]

My friend, my closest most minted friend turned up to my wedding in an outfit that she wore to a wedding a few months previously, and it didn't bother me. We discussed it at length before my wedding. We've always had the kind of relationship where she's described me as the daughter she never had, I joked that it was unfair treatment! She didn't do it with the boys weddings! We cackled a bit and then I seriously said to her, as long as you are comfortable I don't care what you wear.

I think a lot of people feel the same way. The only people I worried about were one of my sisters who was intending on having her bra straps out and told me once her dress was on she would do her own make up (she has constant foundation bib on her top) and my mum who has form for wearing leggings and yellow vest tops to weddings.

My long winded point is I can't see many people caring as long as you are dressed appropriately for a wedding, and those with any grace wouldn't point out if you hadn't.

First wedding I went to with my husband, I turned up in a white dress with bright orange skin.
I didn't know the dress was a faux pas, but no one made me feel uncomfortable because of my outfit.

[JonesyAndTheSalad]

My best friend and I have a "wedding dress" which we share! We wear it to any wedding the other's not at!

It's a great dress and we don't give a shit. I bought it in a sale at Coast about 5 years ago!

[brassbrass]

Disrespectful to whom? Would the bride and groom have noticed you were wearing the same dress? Would they have cared? Let's face it if they had time to care about your dress it would signal they were having a really shit wedding.

I don't think you should let her get away with speaking to you like that.

FYI I'm wearing a dress to a wedding next week I've worn to another wedding last summer and it's been in FB photos. So fucking what.

[thatorchidmoment]

I have four weddings to go to this year. I'm pregnant, so have bought one dress in the Tiffany Rose sale, and will be wearing that to all of them, with different accessories, but probably same shoes. There will be a big overlap with all the guests, but the thought of spending huge amounts of money on maternity-friendly outfits that may never be worn again is too painful. Particularly as we are remortgaging the house, renovating our upstairs, and buying a second car this year as well as adding a fourth child to our family! I know I'm insane

I do know people who will pore over photos and comment on same outfits (probably not to me), but I shall hold my swishy-haired, pregnant head high and pity their small-mindedness.

YANBU. Your cousin is. How ridiculous. Tell her it was a choice between another outfit and a gift for her.

[redshoeblueshoe]

Tell her you're going to wear it to the next 4 weddings as well.
Apart from your mum and cousin no-one cares

[ladyratterley]

That's mental. I've got a handful of nice dresses for weddings and always rewear them! I've even got a bridesmaid dress (not obviously bridesmaidy) which I've gone on to wear as a guest at two other weddings. They're not normally the same groups of people, but that shouldn't really matter.
You are definitely not BU. Your cousin should have better things to be bothered about.

[msrisotto]

She was so rude though! I can't get my head around it! If I had noticed my relative wore the same dress, I wouldn't say a thing! Even if I was feeling judgey about it. God she needs some manners.

[Absintheshots]

she has some issues, and they're not about you!

Who cares! You didn't wear a white dress with a veil, did you?
I don't understand people who feel the need to buy a new outfit every time they go to a wedding. I would if I was marrying my kids, but apart from that. There is absolutely nothing disrespectful whatsoever on wearing the same outfit, it's absolutely ridiculous.

[MummaGiles]

Oh shit! I've worn the same dress to 3 or 4 weddings now. I didn't realise I was insulting the couple and their families. I will probably end up with a horse's head in my bed.

I also plan on recycling an outfit I wore last month for another wedding in august.

Your cousin, and mum for agreeing with her, must be on glue. Who can afford 4 brand new outfits in such a short space of time?

[Floggingmolly]

. I missed the bit about you being disrespectful
Please tell this interfering sticky beak to fuck off, op.
She is not harmless; don't minimise that sort of diatribe by thinking ah, well, she means well.
She's a self important ignoramous. And I bet you looked fabulous in the outfit and put her in the shadow, that's why she doesn't want you to wear it again

[Iamastonished]

"Wedding outfits are expensive"

They don't have to be. I would have worn the same outfit again as well. I very rarely get invited to weddings these days as everyone is either already married, doesn't intend to get married or is too young. In fact, in the last 10 years I have been to one wedding. So there is no way I would buy an outfit to wear only once.

[Renaissance2017]

Twentyten2010

How is this another example of everyday sexism? The person complaining about wearing a dress more than once is female. I bet none of the blokes would even notice or care (and probably be in trouble for that too!).

On another note OP, I'm terminally ill so I invite you to my funeral. We have a film!!

[Singlelady]

I never wear the same outfit to things like weddings but that's my choice and I don't think your being unreasonable at all for wearing the same one. It's no one else's business unless you have been turning up in a wedding dress . I'd let it lie OP. It's just an old fashioned way of thinking.

[EweAreHere]

More sexist crap ... only women are expected to spend more money (which we earn less of generally) to wear different clothes (then we get accused of being clothes-horses) to different-but-similar events. Whereas men can wear the same suit to event after event after event.

Sorry, but no. I'm not rich either.

You should have told your cousin and your mum that if they're so concerned about your clothing choices, you would be happy for them to stump up and buy you all new things for each and every event. Otherwise, they can zip it.

[Hooleywhipper]

Not U at all op. Think your cousin is.

[August1984]

That's crazy. I saw someone rock up in jeans and muddy trainers once, now that's disrespectful! I also never recollect what anyone else is wearing (unless its jeans and muddy trainers or some such)

I couldn't not reply, something along the lines of- Not that its any of your business but i couldn't really afford another outfit and i'm sure it was more important to the bridal couple that i was there to celebrate with them. I doubt they even noticed what I was wearing (which was appropriate for a wedding), as the day wasn't actually about me or you, you nasty cow

[user1485984489]

I've worn the same outfit to 3 weddings in the last 12 months - it cost me over £100 and I can't afford to stump up that kind of cash alongside travel/hotel/wedding presents for each occasion. I use different accessories/hairstyles but still the same dress and shoes and I don't care if people think that makes me cheap - it is smart and appropriate and I am not loaded (or a snob)!

[morningconstitutional2017]

Your 'friend' is rudely barking up the wrong tree. I'm sure that the brides were happy to see you at their weddings - isn't that the point? If your friend has the money to burn for a different outfit for each occasion, then 'lucky old her' but many of us aren't in this position.
I think that she is being a rude cow and you should be brave enough to tell her so. Wearing a pre-worn outfit is not a sign of wishing to be elsewhere.
FWIW recently I wore the self-same smart dark outfit to a funeral and a wedding - no-one told me it was wrong and if they had I'd have given them what for along the lines of, "I'm a poor widow on a low income so can't afford to swan about in something new for each occasion, so put that in your pipe and smoke it." It generally shuts them up. What a nerve.

[AdoraBell]

YANBU OP

[EllaHen]

It's a pain in the arse finding a dress that suits you. Once you find one, wear it to fucking everything.

My dh wears his kilt to every occasion he can. Any excuse. Mind you, he does have two, and loads of different ties and socks.

YANBU. Your cousin is - massively so.

[3luckystars]

She is not your friend.

[AdoraBell]

Oh, and if she is a bit of a control freak then she needs to control herself, i.e., wind her neck in.