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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I did nothing wrong?

198 replies

strawberrygate · 03/04/2017 13:04

At a playgroup this morning. Came to snack time and little ones are sat down 5 to a table. I have my toddler's food in front of him; little girl next to him has a plate of food.
Little girl reaches over and takes a strawberry off my lo's plate.
I gently take it off her, saying that's not yours sweetheart, this is your plate here.
The grandma then comes over saying did the nasty lady snatch your strawberry, I'll get you another one and disappears before I have chance to react.
! minute later she appears with strawberry and gives it to the little girl saying " obviously too much trouble for her to get you one".
I asked if it was directed at me and she says " you heard, you snatched her strawberry"
I told her it was on my lo's plate etc. and she said I'm not setting a good example by taking it back and the least I could have done was fetch her another one.
So far, so entitled if not a little mad. She then leant in my face and said " you snatch food off her plate again and I'll break your fucking legs".
I told her to calm down, asked what her problem was and then gathered children and left.
I must admit I burst into tears in the car.
Was I wrong to take the frigging strawberry off her? Should I have got her another? Gut instinct is no as lots of people have strawberry allergy and anyway, toddlers need reminding not to take off others' plates

OP posts:
OnceMoreIntoTheBleach · 03/04/2017 20:35

You did he right thing. I wouldn't have wanted a second hand strawberry back but I certainly it would have made the point to the other child that it's not ok to take it off another child's plate.

Great advice up thread from ThouShall btw.

Definitely keep going to the groups, great you can take your DH.

If the group leader wants to discuss it with you both to get the whole story, be aware that the psycho granny will deny the threat. Keep your cool, state the truth but ultimately keep coming back to the strawberry and how you were within your rights to not allow someone to take food off your dc's plate. She can't argue or deny that.

biggles50 · 03/04/2017 23:00

Oh my God, what a dreadful woman, so in a few seconds she called you nasty, threatened to break your legs and swore at you? I too would have cried in shock. You were right to get the strawberry back from the other child. The grandmother sounds like the sort of contrary person who would have complained bitterly had you allowed her gc to have the strawberry. She's barking. Yes tell the playgroup staff, am so sorry.

CoraPirbright · 04/04/2017 10:21

Good luck at the playgroup OP - is it today?

Original poster
strawberrygate · 04/04/2017 12:53

It was today but was cancelled. Don't know whether to be relieved or not!

OP posts:
ForTheSakeOfFuck · 04/04/2017 13:18

Ooooh maybe it was cancelled due to this incident?!

[imagines baby playgroup's Most Worshipful High Senate convening in a dusty manor-house ballroom somewhere to discuss how they might resolve... The Strawberry Problem...]

Let us know if you get summoned to a special hearing.

I'm at home, in my pyjamas, quite bored. Humour me.

Sparrowlegs248 · 04/04/2017 13:23

It's all a bit bonkers. I personally wouldn't have taken the strawberry back but that's because the gang of toddlers at our group tend to eat what they want from their own plates, then share from others. Some start by sharing - take a strawberry but have to give something in return.

Grandma is clearly crackers.

Yokohamajojo · 04/04/2017 13:37

We used to have party ring biscuits at one of our playgroup and I learned very quickly to not sit at the table where the toddler snatchers sat (unsupervised with their grandmothers well out of the way). One used to just grab as many as she could and keep them on her plate so no one else could get one and then not eat them

Horrible situation you found yourself in but I would probably also have taken the strawberry back!

ExplodedCloud · 04/04/2017 13:40

Having been involved in a village playgroup, can I reassure you that just because psycho gran is more of a local than you and well known, doesn't mean everyone thinks she's great. Our 'character' was a village staple and we were gritting our teeth regularly.

ForTheSakeOfFuck · 04/04/2017 13:54

At the first baby playgroup I went to with DS there was one of those Village Elders (on all the local parish pressure-groups to stop houses being built nearby, involved with the village monthly newsletter, "very active in the community", a full-on Lady Catherine de Burgh). She too was a horror, though admittedly not of the sweary, leg-breaking kind the OP describes. Her method of operation for outsiders, myself most definitely included, was to gossip, side-eye, deliberately turn away from them if they approached to speak, and if they really irritated her, to put in complaints to the council about their houses/parking/dogs/bins. Horrible, spiteful piece of work. She also largely ignored her DGD for the entire playgroup in favour of plotting with her coven. She caused such a bad atmosphere that I imagine the playgroup leaders will have wept with joy the day she left, though I ended up moving on before her since my DS was older. Thank god I'm not sociable and was only too happy to sit alone in a corner with a book and my weak coffee...!

pollymere · 04/04/2017 17:30

I used to suffer a huge amount of abuse as a playgroup leader. You did the right thing. Next time go back and be the adult. Let her act like the kid.

MadCatsBabies · 04/04/2017 17:32

I'm a playgroup leader (I run 5 actually) and that would not be tolerated and she would be asked to leave and not come back. I have asked people to leave before for bad behaviour. It's not acceptable. Please tell the playgroup leader when you feel calm enough to explain. That's appalling behaviour! Granny is a psycho. You may find she's not nice to a lot of people in the group and everyone is scared to say something. You may actually be the brave one to get shot of her. Poor kid with a gram like that.

Nancy91 · 04/04/2017 17:33

Wtf is wrong with that woman? No wonder the child hasn't learned basic manners! Shock

Lovelymess · 04/04/2017 17:35

What a psycho!!! Shock poor you

Katherine2626 · 04/04/2017 17:44

I think Grandma has demonstrated perfectly that her little grandchild will always be encouraged to snatch what she wants and is being taught that anyone who gets in her way will be threatened with violence . Delightful. Grandmother of the Year .

lolalola19 · 04/04/2017 17:49

Mental cow - I would've said something equally vile back - think she needs reminding how to behave in public! If the kids got that as a role model it's got no chance anyway!

SapphireStrange · 04/04/2017 17:50

She sounds a twat. Playgroup leader will have a strong word, I'm sure.

ChasedByBees · 04/04/2017 17:51

I'm glad you told the playgroup leader. No one will think any less of you, newcomer or not. Just because she's been there longer doesn't mean she's liked.

welshbutenglish · 04/04/2017 17:52

God there are some vile people out there with no idea how to behave. Ignore and carry on, you have done nothing wrong. Don't let them affect what you do or where you go.

ILoveDolly · 04/04/2017 17:55

My son is allergic to strawberries. At this age I'd have been glad you did what you did. I don't understand some people, she was totally out of order.
I used to run a playgroup and I would probably have had words with her after that incident, regardless or not of you being a 'newcomer'

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 04/04/2017 17:56

I agree with the previous posters who have said that it is unlikely that this woman is a much-loved local - it is far more likely that she has lashed out in a similar fashion at other people, and they'd be glad to see the back of her.

Hopefully the playgroup leader will be able to do something now you have told her the full story.

vixen68 · 04/04/2017 17:57

Imagine the reaction if someone got on the slide before her Gd. .... full on ass kicking jean claude van gran style Grin

Iwanttobeanonymous · 04/04/2017 18:01

At my sons school on a settling in day. Small class in a SN school. School provided fruit for snacks, it was cut into tiny pieces and put on a communal plate. A staff member took it round each child in turn and they were allowed one thing. So a thin slice of banana (pound coin thickness), a morsel of apple etc. snack time took forever Another new lad, took about three pieces of banana and omg. The fuss from the staff. He wasn't made to put them back but had to miss several "rotations" of the plate until everyone had caught up!

ToadsforJustice · 04/04/2017 18:02

My reply to the Granny would have probably been "come on then, if you think you are hard enough". mature response

nick247 · 04/04/2017 18:02

Not much more to add really. You did nothing wrong.

Craigie · 04/04/2017 18:03

Granny was clearly a nutjob. You should have asked in a VERY loud voice who was in charge of running the group and informed them that she had threatened you. No excuse for that behaviour.