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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I did nothing wrong?

198 replies

strawberrygate · 03/04/2017 13:04

At a playgroup this morning. Came to snack time and little ones are sat down 5 to a table. I have my toddler's food in front of him; little girl next to him has a plate of food.
Little girl reaches over and takes a strawberry off my lo's plate.
I gently take it off her, saying that's not yours sweetheart, this is your plate here.
The grandma then comes over saying did the nasty lady snatch your strawberry, I'll get you another one and disappears before I have chance to react.
! minute later she appears with strawberry and gives it to the little girl saying " obviously too much trouble for her to get you one".
I asked if it was directed at me and she says " you heard, you snatched her strawberry"
I told her it was on my lo's plate etc. and she said I'm not setting a good example by taking it back and the least I could have done was fetch her another one.
So far, so entitled if not a little mad. She then leant in my face and said " you snatch food off her plate again and I'll break your fucking legs".
I told her to calm down, asked what her problem was and then gathered children and left.
I must admit I burst into tears in the car.
Was I wrong to take the frigging strawberry off her? Should I have got her another? Gut instinct is no as lots of people have strawberry allergy and anyway, toddlers need reminding not to take off others' plates

OP posts:
Original poster
strawberrygate · 03/04/2017 16:08

flogging that would be lovely but she's everywhere, all the time in the village so i doubt it!

OP posts:
DoveBlue · 03/04/2017 16:16

YWNBU i sometimes take things back off other children other times I distract mine. I am happy for other adults to speak calmly to my children. Which is what you did. The Gran sounds very highly strung to get so worked up over a strawberry. I always assume the adult is correct over my 'precious snowflakes'.

Lndnmummy · 03/04/2017 16:16

I would not have taken the strawberry back off the toddler. I would have gone to get my lo some more.

Lndnmummy · 03/04/2017 16:16

Obviously grandma is batshit crazy though Grin

IveAlreadyPaid · 03/04/2017 16:23

Good luck tomorrow!

Needabreak101 · 03/04/2017 16:32

Realise I'm late to the thread. I'd have probably left the child with the strawberry, but that doesn't mean that you were wrong to take it back in the way that you did.

However the grandmother on the other hand was completely unreasonable and batshit.

You did nothing wrong, it was definitely her.

SoulAccount · 03/04/2017 16:43
  1. Having a friend with a dd who is very allergic to strawberries, I suggest no-one lets a toddler they don't know grab a strawberry. Or anything else that could be an allergen.
  2. Before involving the police , or your DH coming down, talk it through properly with the leader. They almost certainly have policies. If I ran a group I would want to know what was going on and have a chance to bar someone before members started bringing in their DH's for a High Noon vigilante confrontation.
  3. It is of course anyone's individual choice to involve the police, but as a group leader I would want to know anyway, because I would bar a member who threatened other members. Police might not get very far unless you have a witness - she will deny it.
  4. Your objective is presumably to keep attending the group in peace, so just let her get barred.
Original poster
strawberrygate · 03/04/2017 16:58

I'm not going to call the police as that seems OTT ( unless she says that sort of thing again). And MY DH often comes with me to playgroups so it wouldn't look like i was getting a posse together, but would give me a person to sit with me if I go in to a wall of withering looks. the more I think about it the more I'm annoyed now rather than upset. entitled nasty piece of work.

OP posts:
woodhill · 03/04/2017 16:58

Poor you OP.

I think I would have done the same as you. I hate confrontation. Glad you told playgroup leader.

I hate people making threats over nothing.

Dumbo412 · 03/04/2017 17:25

Please don't let psy

Dumbo412 · 03/04/2017 17:26

Psycho gran make you feel uncomfortable. She will have worked herself up over opening her nasty mouth over night, she won't want to appear as unhinged as she is. Next time you see her I would bet she will ignore you.

Original poster
strawberrygate · 03/04/2017 17:27

I hope so dumbo

OP posts:
Original poster
strawberrygate · 03/04/2017 17:30

Wonder if it's too late to order one of these to wear tomorrow

to think I did nothing wrong?
OP posts:
SailAwaySailAwaySailAway · 03/04/2017 17:33

Definitely wear that.

Floggingmolly · 03/04/2017 17:40

Mad granny will eat you alive!!

NavyandWhite · 03/04/2017 17:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

anotherdayanothersquabble · 03/04/2017 17:46

Maybe bring some strawberries to the next one with a note saying you had no idea defending your son's food would result in a threat of violence and will stay well clear of her in future and hope she will do likewise.

Dumbo412 · 03/04/2017 18:07

Sorry I just realised your username! Chip gate! Just had an out loud giggle to myself!

ButtercupChain · 03/04/2017 18:12

Awful woman. You did no wrong OP. The little child needs to learn that they cannot steal someone else's stuff. The old woman (nana) was out of order. What a beatch!

MrsELM21 · 03/04/2017 18:19

What a weirdo!! I would have just left the Strawberry rather than taking it back but would probably have moved away from the child, the Gran was completely out of order though!!

ThePiglet59 · 03/04/2017 18:23

You shouldn't let kids take food from your kids because, it's a bad lesson they are learning, and the other kid may have allergies.

Certainly inform the playgroup leaders and perhaps the police. I would also find another playgroup.

Janey50 · 03/04/2017 18:50

Wow she sounds completely bonkers OP. Threatening to break yourlegs over that? Reminded me of an incident that happened with me just over a year ago. It was 9pm and my DP had mislaid his security door fob to our block of flats and had rung our downstairs neighbour's intercom instead of ours, by mistake. The neighbour buzzed him in,then came out and threatened to 'break DP's legs if he did it again'. I heard the commotion and went out to see what the matter was. The neighbour said 'he's been doing this several nights a week for the last few months'. I replied that that wasn't possible as apart from the previous week,DP had been in Africa for 3 months! (Which was completely true) Neighbour just swore at me and slammed the door.
My advice would be not to go to this playgroup again if such vile people use it.

CoraPirbright · 03/04/2017 19:05

Good grief!! I am so sorry this has happened to you but I really don't think you need worry about her bad-mouthing the newcomer. Something like this doesn't happen out of the blue - I bet she is well known to be horribly aggressive. I suspect you will find that you have more people on your side that you think, if it comes to it.

SO glad you told the play group leader - she sounds nice.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 03/04/2017 19:08

How horrible ! And not what you expect in a bloody toddler group !

She is wrong and don't let her put you off going

isadoradancing123 · 03/04/2017 19:23

Do not let yourself be bullies by this stupid ignorant woman