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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I did nothing wrong?

198 replies

strawberrygate · 03/04/2017 13:04

At a playgroup this morning. Came to snack time and little ones are sat down 5 to a table. I have my toddler's food in front of him; little girl next to him has a plate of food.
Little girl reaches over and takes a strawberry off my lo's plate.
I gently take it off her, saying that's not yours sweetheart, this is your plate here.
The grandma then comes over saying did the nasty lady snatch your strawberry, I'll get you another one and disappears before I have chance to react.
! minute later she appears with strawberry and gives it to the little girl saying " obviously too much trouble for her to get you one".
I asked if it was directed at me and she says " you heard, you snatched her strawberry"
I told her it was on my lo's plate etc. and she said I'm not setting a good example by taking it back and the least I could have done was fetch her another one.
So far, so entitled if not a little mad. She then leant in my face and said " you snatch food off her plate again and I'll break your fucking legs".
I told her to calm down, asked what her problem was and then gathered children and left.
I must admit I burst into tears in the car.
Was I wrong to take the frigging strawberry off her? Should I have got her another? Gut instinct is no as lots of people have strawberry allergy and anyway, toddlers need reminding not to take off others' plates

OP posts:
NormaSmuff · 03/04/2017 14:19

you need to feel sorry for her granddaughter with her as a grandma. threatening to break people's legs Shock

do you have friends and allies there?
just go, brazen it out.

Stormtreader · 03/04/2017 14:20

I bet she wouldnt have been all twinkles and joy if it was your child that took a strawberry from HER childs plate.

HappyFlappy · 03/04/2017 14:22

I would have taken the strawberry off her too, for all of the reasons stated - but I would have binned it because some toddlers spend large amounts of time with their fingers up their noses or their hands down their pants!

I would then probably have got another strawberry for my child, but not for the "strawberry their" because I wouldn't know if she was allowed.

That grannie is psycho1

Original poster
strawberrygate · 03/04/2017 14:23

I can get DH to come with me. He's fuming and wanted to go straight back there and tell her the police will be called if she so much at glances at me again

OP posts:
ThouShallNotPass · 03/04/2017 14:23

A piece of advice in case she says anything further to you, say very loudly, "Excuse me? You'll do WHAT? Is making threats of violence around children really necessary?"
Add a horrified expression and make it clear to everyone that her hushed nastiness will be brought to everyone's attention.

Wikky · 03/04/2017 14:25

Sorry I missed the bit where you said she leant in and whispered the threats

ThouShallNotPass · 03/04/2017 14:25

And YES TAKE DH! That's great that you can go again with some back up. Don't let crazy bitch drive you away.

PrettyGoodLife · 03/04/2017 14:26

I would have done exactly the same as you. I got so fed up of random and occasionally rude behaviour at toddler groups in the end we stopped going, that phase was over so quickly I'm glad that I did not sacrifice my equilibrium to keep going, I sought out smaller events that suited me and DS better. (But that was just me not a recommendation).

Quartz2208 · 03/04/2017 14:30

No you did not do anything wrong but I disagree with taking your DH, that is escalating it and I think means you lose the upper hand. She was wrong and overreacted but you have to live here, so I would simply go back and act normally.

metalmum15 · 03/04/2017 14:33

Wow.

Should have replied 'Your granddaughter snatches food off my LO plate again and I'll break your fucking legs'

What chance does the poor little girl have with family like that?

AntiHop · 03/04/2017 14:34

Bloody hell.

If she behaved like that to you, then she definitely would have behaved like that to others. So if she bad mouths you, people who know her will guess how she behaved.

Sassypants82 · 03/04/2017 14:36

Psycho granny.

I wonder if she's now at home feeling massively ashamed of herself & worrying about facing you again. You never know, she might think about it & apologise to you tomorrow. If not, then be confident that you did absolutely nothing wrong & she's an aggressive, nasty cow.

Original poster
strawberrygate · 03/04/2017 14:39

sassypants she didn't excatly come across as someone that might be contrite by tomorrow, but you never know!

OP posts:
gunsandbanjos · 03/04/2017 14:40

Holy crap, that's insane!
No wonder you were shaken, definitely speak to the group management and possibly the police.

What a bloody lunatic.

PinkFlamingo545 · 03/04/2017 14:41

I wouldn't have taken it back - I would have fetched another one for my little one - as I wouldn't see it up to me to discipline another kid and the germ transference, from the little girls, to your hands, to your LO mouth would make me squirm

I think this woman is awfully behaved though

Original poster
strawberrygate · 03/04/2017 14:56

Pkygroup leader ( who's lovely) has just messaged me to say sorry about what happened and she went to talk to psychogran but she'd left. I messaged back saying what was said and now feel like crying again

OP posts:
ForTheSakeOfFuck · 03/04/2017 15:00

Christ, OP, what a batshit woman! You were in no way BU - damn right you take the strawberry back. As others have said, you don't know about the little girl's allergies for one, and for the other, it was your son's! Jesus. I hope tomorrow is a better day for you and [clutching at straws] hope she makes a beeline for you to offer her most profuse apologies. I doubt it will happen but you never know. Confused

SparklyUnicornPoo · 03/04/2017 15:02

"Excuse me? You'll do WHAT? Is making threats of violence around children really necessary?"

Yes! Hold your head up high knowing you've done nothing wrong and have this up your sleeve for if she says anything else, it gets the point across without escalating it and makes sure everyone knows what an unreasonable, nasty cow she is.

TheSnorkMaidenReturns · 03/04/2017 15:06

Be strong. Good luck tomorrow Flowers.

lazytuesday · 03/04/2017 15:06

WOW!! of course you did nothing wrong! That woman is completely mad. Ive thankfully never come across anyone that mad at playgroups but if i did i would too probably cry afterwards. Thats outrageous. Hope you are okay Flowers

ohfourfoxache · 03/04/2017 15:07

I know it doesn't feel like it, but good uns will always outnumber the cunts.

Please don't let 1 bitch put you off going to groups. You can guarantee that if she's done this to you then she's done it to others as well Thanks

Megatherium · 03/04/2017 15:12

I hope playgroup leader is banning psychogran? They really can't have someone there who thinks it's OK to threaten violence against other participants.

SingingSilver · 03/04/2017 15:16

Do hold it together when you go in next. I know this is victim-blamey but if you get upset after the fact, you may create the impression that you are over-emotional and over-reacting. You ran into a very rude woman, and it must have shocked you at the time especially in that setting, but you know she wasn't really going to hit you, she was just aiming to intimidate you.

boolifooli · 03/04/2017 15:48

Whoa. Holy crap that was uncalled for. You really need to tell the organisers about this. Hope you're feeling better.

Floggingmolly · 03/04/2017 16:02

If she'd already legged it before the group leader could get to her, it's possible she knows she's been rumbled and you won't see her again?

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