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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think I did nothing wrong?

198 replies

strawberrygate · 03/04/2017 13:04

At a playgroup this morning. Came to snack time and little ones are sat down 5 to a table. I have my toddler's food in front of him; little girl next to him has a plate of food.
Little girl reaches over and takes a strawberry off my lo's plate.
I gently take it off her, saying that's not yours sweetheart, this is your plate here.
The grandma then comes over saying did the nasty lady snatch your strawberry, I'll get you another one and disappears before I have chance to react.
! minute later she appears with strawberry and gives it to the little girl saying " obviously too much trouble for her to get you one".
I asked if it was directed at me and she says " you heard, you snatched her strawberry"
I told her it was on my lo's plate etc. and she said I'm not setting a good example by taking it back and the least I could have done was fetch her another one.
So far, so entitled if not a little mad. She then leant in my face and said " you snatch food off her plate again and I'll break your fucking legs".
I told her to calm down, asked what her problem was and then gathered children and left.
I must admit I burst into tears in the car.
Was I wrong to take the frigging strawberry off her? Should I have got her another? Gut instinct is no as lots of people have strawberry allergy and anyway, toddlers need reminding not to take off others' plates

OP posts:
HecateAntaia · 03/04/2017 13:48

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LoupGarou · 03/04/2017 13:49

I'd be amazed if someone prepared to threaten you with serious violence, in public, in front of children, hasn't done this before and isn't known for doing this before.

^^ This. Tell the playgroup leader as surely its a massive safeguarding concern, no way would I want someone like that near my child! Tell the police too, and as a pp said forget her name and refer to her as "the one who threatened to break my effing legs after her grandchild stole my child's snack". I really do believe in blowing shoddy behaviour wide open, but what she said was disgusting. Hope you're OK OP Flowers

SoupDragon · 03/04/2017 13:50

If you see her again, lean in her face and hiss "if you threaten to asssult me again, I will call the police"

babyboomersrock · 03/04/2017 13:51

Playgroups are usually run by a committee, aren't they? I also think you should put the facts down on paper and post it in a letter to the committee - that way, it has a chance of being dealt with properly.

Don't go into detail about how it made you feel, though it would be reasonable to say you felt upset (naturally!) - so they can't accuse you of being melodramatic. Try to sound calm and reasonable.

Good luck.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/04/2017 13:52

Op you did nothing wrong, you were nice to the girl, you don't sound aggressive at all, how are children going to learn if they are not taught at a young age. So when they go to school they will think its ok to snatch things off others. I pity the poor girl, if this is the example that she is being shown.

terrylene · 03/04/2017 13:52

I would say the strawberry issue is probably a bit of a grey area on the etiquette front and could go either way, with a great deal of debate on the alternatives.

But getting in your face and threatening to break your fucking legs is threatening behaviour and more in the criminal area. So do talk to the organisers about it before you go - if it is a halfway decent playgroup, they will want to know.

xStefx · 03/04/2017 13:53

I would have said (in hindsight)
"Oh I see now why all the woman were warning me, you are unhinged . I thought they were joking !! "
Weird granny!

Serialweightwatcher · 03/04/2017 13:54

Poor you - the little girl should realise not to take things off other's plates and because her witch of a grandma is obviously never going to teach her that is wrong or teach her any other common decency she will grow up to be like that nasty bully. You do need to report it - that's disgusting - scumbag

LoupGarou · 03/04/2017 13:54

Meant to add I've lived in a lot of small town/close knit communities, find someone (preferably the biggest gossip) and do a good daily mail sad face, play the victim (which you are) and tell him/her about your awful experience and ask if Fleabag McNasty is always this horrible, shudder a bit if you can. Repeat to the cashier in the local shop/the postman/as many people as possible.

That does only work until they find out you're the shark in the fish pond though.

Aeroflotgirl · 03/04/2017 13:55

You need to make a written and verbal complaint to the leader, this is unacceptable, threatening and criminal behaviour.

museumum · 03/04/2017 13:56

I would speak to the playgroup leader. I'd say "sorry I ran off early, I was quite upset, x was really aggressive and threatened me when I stopped her gc taking food from my son". Followed by "I will try to stay out of her way but I and ds really enjoy your playgroup so we'd like to keep coming".

Original poster
strawberrygate · 03/04/2017 13:56

Thanks again all.I was thinking I'd been horrible to a small child.
Playgroup leader will definitely ask me what happened when I go on Wednesday as I told her the very bare bones before basically running off in tears. hopefully I'll be able to tell her without being emotional.
I think the advice of attend all playgroups and ignore her is the best. It'll be very hard for her to have a go at me when i have my back turned to her!
Still find her attitude very very bizarre; so she knew her gc had snatched the strawberry, but told me I was nasty for taking it back. How on earth do you show good manners if you won't even go along with the basics of saying no snatching

OP posts:
ThouShallNotPass · 03/04/2017 13:58

Right, I used to run a couple of playgroups in a small village and yes, I can understand your reluctance as a newcomer to come back, especially as this woman is I presume, known and local? I can assure you that the playgroup leaders will NOT be okay with what she did! Not one bit!!!
All playgroups need decent numbers and attendees. The aims of groups is to get people together, to make a place for new members. Keeping everyone happy is one of the tasks of a group leader.
It's extremely likely that the playgroup leader you spoke to would be very concerned by what you told her as you left. Make sure you go back and if you want them to be fully aware of what happened, go and ask them privately what the procedures are for members threatening violence against others. Explain what happened. Show them there's another side to whatever that crazy bitch has probably said.

As for taking the food back, of course you should have! I often was found to gently take food back from a known precious little snowflake snatcher and say something along the lines of, "No no sweetheart, that's X's strawberry. Should we ask granny/mummy if you're allowed one too?"

If we didn't do that, then that child would greedily snaffle all the good bits and the other children had to just miss out.

Do you have any friends or family nearby who could come with you next session? Either way, hold your head up and know you're in the right. Don't take too much time away or you may lose any nerve you have to go back.

Good luck. Xx

Libbylove2015 · 03/04/2017 14:00

That grandma sounds like the Catherine Tate character! Mad woman - you didn't do anything wrong, I would have done the same thing. She should have been running around getting strawberries for her little grandthief.

Please do go back - she might have been covering as a one off. Either way you didn't do anything wrong.

TheWitTank · 03/04/2017 14:00

What a charmer! There is no way on earth I wouldn't go back -people like that need taking down a peg or two. Contact the group leader now and explain exactly what went on. Tell her if this woman ever says anything to you or comes near you again you will immediately phone the police.

GoodDayToYou · 03/04/2017 14:04

Wow!
YADNBU.
I think I could well have done the same thing. Chn need to learn boundaries, social rules etc - isn't that why they go to these groups?
Nan's a nutter. It must have been quite a shock.
Call 101 and the playgroup leader to make them aware.

LoupGarou · 03/04/2017 14:04

I also wanted to add that I think you were right to take the strawberry back, DS is three and has coeliac disease, he sometimes used to try and grab something from the plates of his friends at playgroup and whilst I watch him like a hawk around food, I would be really grateful if another parent/guardian stopped him pinching things in case it was something he couldn't have.

contractor6 · 03/04/2017 14:06

Granny is crazy and maybe can't handle fc so taking it out on others, as her behaviour is unacceptable.
However you are lucky to have playgroups which are running over Easter break and which serve strawberries. Where in the country are, ill happily come along and give you back up Smile. DD even has a top with strawberries on she can wear

SparklyUnicornPoo · 03/04/2017 14:06

Can you let the playgroup leader know exactly what you've said in your OP? grandmother's reaction was totally unacceptable and needs to be dealt with.

I would have taken the strawberry back too. I have to do lunch duty at work and children are absolutely not allowed to take food off other children's plates/lunchboxes because it's bad manners, can cause unnecessary upset (because just a strawberry to an adult can be MY strawberry I really want to a child) and I have some children there with allergies and others with medical conditions where we need to carefully monitor what they are eating, for example i have a diabetic and even with free for all party style food I have to make sure I know what she's taken to work out insulin levels, obviously i know which children i need to be careful about but its far easier to get everyone used to the idea that if its not on their plate they can't have it.

NavyandWhite · 03/04/2017 14:07

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wikky · 03/04/2017 14:09

Really!!! That's unbelievable! What did everyone else say?

NavyandWhite · 03/04/2017 14:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PerspicaciaTick · 03/04/2017 14:14

Wikky, the OP said that the threat was hissed right into her face and that, in a busy, noisy setting with everyone trying to get snacks for the children, she doubted anyone else had heard.

Original poster
strawberrygate · 03/04/2017 14:14

wicky don't think anyone else heard. It was very noisy and she spoke right up to my face.

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 03/04/2017 14:15

You definitely did nothing wrong, but you can see where her DGD gets her attitudes from, can't you!!
If you can, go back. Hold your head up high and if anyone challenges you or makes snide comments, then explain that you were merely retrieving the strawberry that Little Pweshus had pinched from your child's plate in the first place, and perhaps if TwatNan had been taking more care of Little Pweshus in the first place, she'd have SEEN that and got her a fucking strawberry before she felt the need to steal someone else's.

Or something like that, maybe, y'know, a bit more tactful.