I just wanted to give you an outlook on this from the other side of it.
G was my best friend for over 12 years, she was my soulmate I was closer to her than any of my family (and we are all pretty close) she just got me, we had everything in common and were inseparable.
We took care of each other, had fun, and were always there for each other.
Then she met her future husband, I don't know if he felt threatened by our closeness but he just never really seemed to like me, it made things awkward but I tried really hard as he made her happy.
He was big on flashing the cash and it made me feel inadequate sometimes, there were occasions where he would arrange expensive trips and I would have to make excuses not to go as I couldn't afford it. Sometimes I'd be so embarrassed about it I would just disappear off the face of the planet for a bit and when I resurfaced I'd just say I was really busy at work or my phone had been broken.
Three years ago they got married, I was asked to be a bridesmaid as were his sisters.
The dresses were picked for they tall leggy stick thin sisters and I felt awful in it, I am quite a socially anxious person anyway and I was very nervous about wearing the dress, I was also told I had to pay for it myself which I struggled to do.
As the wedding approached I became more and more anxious about it, I knew there wouldn't really be anyone I knew at the wedding (it was in his home town and virtually none of her friends could attend.) I'm very shy and knew I'd struggle to talk to anyone I didn't know.
Basically the whole thing was eating my up.
The wedding came and I tried to put a brace face on it but on the day I was really struggling to cope, I felt so uncomfortable and ridiculous in the dress that I felt like I was going to burst into tears, I tried to put a brace face on and smile but when it came time to walk down the isle and his sisters said they wanted to walk together and I could walk on my own I just broke, I started panicking and refused to walk, as my BF came out I snook into a side room and had a major panic attack, I basically sat in the room crying and hyperventilating for several hours all alone, nobody came to check on me.
Eventually I snook out and left, I went back the the hotel and I was going to leave but someone called me and asked me to come back as bf was looking for me.
By that point I had missed everything and it was midway through the party.
I got changed and went back, I was teary but bf told me it was fine and we'd have a good time, she introduced me to a few people and it was ok, I stayed for a few hours and then when she had left I did too.
The next morning I left and as I was doing so bumped into a friend of his who told me how ridiculous I was for trying to spoil the wedding by 'pulling a stunt' and attention seeking, that nobody would ever forgive me as as far any anyone was concerned I was dead to them and if they get their was BF would dump me like I deserved.
I cried for the entire train ride home and for several weeks after I struggled to get out of bed, cried most days and couldn't eat.
I sent bf a text message on my way home apologising for everything.
A few weeks after she replied to my text message but I didn't know what to say to her, I was so ashamed, she tried to contact me a few times but I just didn't know how to reply, then she sent me a message that basically said 'we've been friends for over 10 years then you do something wrong and then have the audacity to ignore my massages, that's seriously messed up! Clearly I thought our friendship meant more than it actually did, don't worry I won't bother you again'
And she never did.
I didn't know what to say, I still don't.
It's been nearly four years and I still don't know what to say to her.
ironically she split with the husband less than a year later and is now living with someone else.
I miss her and think about her every day but I know it's too late and there is no way back.
I often cry if I think about it too much, I don't think I will ever get over it.
I'd give anything to go back and change it.