To ask someone to sit at a table while I'm in a queue?

[DedicationToSparkleMotion]

I had no idea this is apparently rude?

Today while in a cafe queue I said to DH "go and get a seat while I pay". He looked horrified said I was effectively "pushing in front" of those queueing in front of us and we shouldn't sit until we had ordered and paid.

I don't really agree and think everyone does this if they are in a group (after all if a family of five go in are they all going to stand in a queue together? What if everyone did this, the queue area would be overrun?!) and it's neither polite nor impolite, but he was insistent.

Who was BU?

good grief, does it mean I have to abandon my table if I go to re-order, because I fancy another cup of coffee or a slice of cake? Am I supposed to grab all my stuff to join a queue, and then try to find another table with my new fresh coffee?'

Yes! There may be someone pregnant, hidden disabled, elderly, anxiety/depression, newly arrived from the planet Zog who has been queuing with their entire coach trip who needs that table!

absinthe absolutely and please no dawdling. As soon as the last mouthful is swallowed I expect you out my seat and no hogging my table

where do we stand on toilet breaks?! Lets not even start on nappy changing...

You can ridicule it all you want, if you are 20th in the queue and grab the lovely window bay table before the 19 people in front of you, you are queue jumping. Some of the 19 might join you.

No better than the towel on the sunlounger 3 hours before your sunbathing. I take towels off poolside as well rather than sitting behind the shed whilst 5 rows of proper poolside loungers are sat on by a bath towel.

'If you are 20th in the queue and grab the lovely window bay table before the 19 people in front of you, you are queue jumping. Some of the 19 might join you. '

You're actually splitting yourself in two if you do that, an impossible feat if you still want to be alive to order and sit. Otherwise, someone who is not in the queue is sitting at the table and therefore unable to be a queue jumper since he/she is not in the queue.

If the other people have another person in their party who wants to sit at a table whilst they wait for the person in the queue to bring their food, more power to 'em!

Totally different to sun loungers, paxilin, as I said upthread.

'It's not like reserving sun loungers for instance when you could effectively leave them reserved for hours while someone else could have used them and gone by the time you come back to them.

You will be at the counter getting served which will likely take less than 2 minutes. It's not a matter of waiting your turn, whoever gets to the cafe first gets the table!'

But I'll quote myself anyway 🙃

As you know expat, OP wanted her DH to jump the queue and hog a table, which he refused, not split herself.

I do think it is the same as sunloungers. Wouldn't bat an eyelid at 2 min, but it often is much longer. Why not one queues with an empty basket in the supermarket whilst the other shops?

You will be at the counter getting served which will likely take less than 2 minutes

OMG I need to know where this magical place with the extremely speedy service is. Does the 2 minutes include queuing?

And I need to know where these crazily busy places are were it takes significantly longer!

Come to Worcestershire.

I live in the north east and have never encountered somewhere where you would wait 20 mins. Even last time I went to the ikea cafe where it's always busy I must have queued, chosen and paid in less than 5 minutes.

I am still in awe of all these octopuses who are comfortable holding shopping bags/ handbag/ a toddler's hand/ the toddler's bag/ their coffee / the kids drink and 2 slices of cakes! (toddler can hold his bag of crisp in his spare hand).

For the non-circus freaks but clumsy people like me, dumping stuff on a table before ordering is a plus.

If you want to find a table after ordering, by all means go for it. I am not. I'll try not to jump the queue by pushing you out of the way to reach the till first, that would be rude.

I managed to queue many times with a double buggy, toddler walking, bags, drinks and a tray. I must be extraordinarily talented. No wait, I just have the manners not to queue jump and accept I will have to take more than one trip from the counter to the available table.

Queue jumping - is it a sign of the times or a sign of a lack of manners and a shortfall in upbringing. Both probably.

That's the other point absinthe.
Morrisins gives you a number so you can order then sit and they'll bring the hot food out. However if I get a hot drink for me plus a sandwich for the toddler and two cakes I need a tray. So now ice got the buggy loaded with shopping, my handbag and a tray with hot drinks to maneuver til the table so of course I'll leave things / baby at the table before I order

Once again, you queue for food not a table. Unless i'm barging you out of the way to order then there is no queue for me to jump

pottedplant is very keen on spoiling a nice relaxing occasion for the rest of us.

I go to a cafe to sit down and enjoy a cup of something, not to sit on the floor or on a window sill waiting for the rush hour to be over! I don't feel the need to overcomplicate my life when it really doesn't need to be.

No no no MommaGee and all the rest.
You may not have a table in the canteen style cafe unless you are purchasing food or drink. You cannot sit there without food or drink or eating your own refreshments (particularly buns as they are only for throwing at queue jumpers). They are provided for the paying customers of the cafe. If you haven't yet paid for your food or drink you don't have an entitlement to the table.

No wait, I just have the manners not to queue jump and accept I will have to take more than one trip from the counter to the available table.

This sounds like you're actually holding up the queue in an annoying manner?

I bet potted plants stacks her plates when they've finished, too (sorry, thread about a thread ) as 'good manners'

Pax - you move the poolside towels? I can well believe that. Hotels we stay at usually provide the beach towels, so they're all the same, no reserving.

Actually it is rude to stack plates in a restaurant. Basuc manners are indeed a thing of the past it seems.

Anyway, I did FIELD RESEARCH on this today. I watched what other people were doing when I went to get a cup of coffee at the campus coffee shop (I work at a university). Almost everyone who was a group of two or more one of them sat down and the other ordered. A few people on their own put their stuff down first. I noticed no variation by age or gender. This was not the best time for such field work, since it's not term time so the place is unusually quiet: it was completely obvious that there was space for everyone to sit. I suspect seat reservation would have gone up if it were busier. Also, I didn't go over a meal time. If this debate continues to rage for another day (and it looks like it will) I will go at lunchtime tomorrow and report back, but preliminary findings suggest that seat reservation is normal and uncontroversial.

Margaret I strongly believe you need to apply for a grant to allow you to pursue further research on the subject to give us a fully detailed and impartial report.

Actually it is rude to stack plates in a restaurant.
Well it's more irritatng than rude, actually, but it does surprise me you know that, given your 'slant' on what you think good manners are.

but preliminary findings suggest that seat reservation is normal and uncontroversial.

Glad to hear it, Margaret. As it should be.

Thanks, Absinthe. It would be slight change of research direction for me, but then we're all about interdisciplinarity these days.

In completely unrelated news, the writing of my book on the actual subject that I actually work on isn't going so well today...