To ask someone to sit at a table while I'm in a queue?

[DedicationToSparkleMotion]

I had no idea this is apparently rude?

Today while in a cafe queue I said to DH "go and get a seat while I pay". He looked horrified said I was effectively "pushing in front" of those queueing in front of us and we shouldn't sit until we had ordered and paid.

I don't really agree and think everyone does this if they are in a group (after all if a family of five go in are they all going to stand in a queue together? What if everyone did this, the queue area would be overrun?!) and it's neither polite nor impolite, but he was insistent.

Who was BU?

Everybody does this. I am on my own usually with small kids and so can't and find it quite annoying. However I understand why they do it. Not sure there is a right or wrong. Don't think I have ever seen 2 people stand and queue though in a busy cafe where there is doubt about getting a seat when required.....

lil perhaps you could hold the queue up for 10 mins whilst you stand at the till and ponder what to have. I'm sure that's less annoying than just finding a table

You have to do it because everybody else seems to ....., I
love it when cafe's say you can't do
it - then it's fair. Pain in neck when you are on your own and queue to get your food, only to find all seats taken by 'table hoggers' reading the paper while someone else queues. Life as we know it....

Of course the rest of your party would find where to sit while you bring the food! It wouldn't make sense to search around with full trays if there are other people with you to get the table sorted.

Yes it's rude.

There's nothing worse than paying for food, getting the tray and then turning to find half the tables taken up by people saving them for others in the queue five places behind you. (And the rest full of people already eating).

Finding a table first is only acceptable in places where you are asked to queue at the door for a table, or the place is waitressed.

Finding a table first is only acceptable in places where you are asked to queue at the door for a table, or the place is waitressed.

According to what/who? You?

That simply isn't the case. It is the done thing in most places, except where there is table service, or the grim type of cafe, the sort you probably wouldn't want to go into anyway, that has detailed instructional signs warning customers not to allow any member of their party to be seated until food or drink is bought and paid for (and they must all join the queue together, no loitering with intent near the tables, they might get a head start on the person in front and that would result in a bun fight).

Looking forward to Margaret's research results tomorrow. I might pop in for coffee somewhere, too, tomorrow.

It's different at a cafe where you have to order your food. OP's thread is about a self-service cafe, which is entirely different.

If they bring your food to the table, sit down before you order. If you serve yourself at a counter, sit down only when you have your food.

What makes you grab your table before others who got there before you is your fear that others are just as awful as you.

To those complaining about reserving tables with they have multiple kids in tow, why don't you reserve the table either with the kids (if they're old enough) or with stuff (coats/bags etc.).

I meant 'when they have multiple kids in tow'

As someone who go shopping on their own and always likes to have a cup of coffee I hate the fact that so many people think it ok to "reserve" a table.

I always look at the amount of empty tables and size of queue before I decide to stay in the café/restaurant or not. Often though I get my drink and lo and behold ALL the tables have someone sitting at them. I then have to stand around until a table becomes empty.

I have been with OH a couple of times and that has happened and he has asked someone sitting at a table with no food or drink to move. They always have, mainly out of embarrassment I think, but one time did develop into a massive argument

What makes you grab your table before others who got there before you is your fear that others are just as awful as you not wanting to stand in the queue with all 8 members of your group when you're paying for everyone or you have a ton of shopping or the person with you have a disability that makes standing uncomfortable, plain old common sense.

And I'm not reserving a table, I'm using it. Reserving it for you implies I'll leave when you get there. Now that would be rude

If you're on you own user, you're not allowed to sit down at a table. You have to get a takeaway. Tables are reserved for people with friends/families according to this thread.

Interesting thread. I am not from the UK and always thought of the people living there as being quintessentially English as depicted by the (non murdering characters) in Midsomer Murders. I forget the reality is not at all like that and it is essentially a melting pot of different cultures and classes and manners.

I think this doesn't happen as much in different European countries where day to day life is more orderly and unspoken rules are replaced by signs reminding you what is expected.

In Japan it's very much the done thing to reserve tables before ordering. I remember a friend and I were at Starbucks in Kyoto and 2 women came and put their extremely expensive designer handbags on the table next to us and went inside to order. My friend and I were so shocked. We were sitting outside and could have just walked off with the bags. We didn't obviously but it was a culture shock. I'm interested to hear what they do in Germany given the reputation for sun lounger bagging.

Tbh wildrose I think those bemoaning the loss of morals and manners, the bun fight and SAS fight to secure a table are either OTT or need to find a new café.
Sitting then ordering is what you would doll in any restaurant or pub, lots of cafes have menus on the table so again assume you'll sit first. Doing the same in Starbucks or BHS or the Uni Canteen is hardly the first sign of the apocalypse

Only on MN is this rude
In RL everyone i know would get a table before getting food. If I'm alone i put my coat over the chair
If i couldn't get a table i wouldn't buy food. I'm not going to wander round with a tray of food and nowhere to sit

When I am alone I like cafes that have a mix of tables for groups and benches and high stools for the lone customers. These are difficult to reserve. Though obviously not impossible with a thrown coat, they are unappealing to groups.

Actually maybe table napping is more common in the cooler months as in Summer we haven't got layers of clothing to toss over unsuspecting chairs! Obviously you can use your companions for that if you have some.

Also what if you and your companion, or you on your own, want a second cuppa and you have finished your original order. Is it ok to leave your cardi / novel/ companion at "your" table and order or do you have to pick everything up and start the process of ordering and finding a table again? Because table hogging and sitting at a cafe for hours nursing a couple of cups of tea is also a crime of table hogging surely? It is just as self centred but to someone entering a cafe there are no helpful indicators for a person who has been sitting at a table for hours and should probably leave or start paying rent!

My point being cafe etiquette is always being stretched to its limit - you cannot control what other adults do and there is no point getting all knicker twisty about it.

illrepute - I'd like to reassure, that even on this thread, on Mumsnet, the overall majority are reserving tables.

Who's ever seen any silly individual wandering round a cafe with a tray, or two, and an entourage of toddlers, children, husbands, shopping bags, pushchairs, fuming at people (as some previous posters) and looking futilely for a seat? Never. They would appear really awkward.

Sensible post, bigmouth

I knew about Japan, but about the handbags!
Also France, Ireland (I have family conections in both places) it is quite the norm there to reserve your table in such places.

I have been with OH a couple of times and that has happened and he has asked someone sitting at a table with no food or drink to move. They always have, mainly out of embarrassment I think, but one time did develop into a massive argument

Now that is very rude, asking people to move or vacate their table, because you haven't followed correct etiquette and have decided to take a chance.
Asking to join a table, if your educated estimate as to whether you'll get a seat or not, hasn't worked out, is fine. Asking people to move is rude, and ill mannered. I don't believe people would be embarrassed or move for you, unless you have a visible disability etc etc

FIELD REPORT FROM DAY 2. I am in a different campus cafe (the one in the library) right now. This research is happening before your eyes. Again, it is quite quiet and it's a bit early for lunch, really. Most people are alone. The majority of people have been putting their things down before buying food, but I have seen a few people get their food and then sit down. The differentiating factor seems to be not interpretation of etiquette but whether they have too much stuff to easily handle with a tray. I would suggest that space reserving is increasing as it's getting busier (I have been working here since my morning coffee in what is, by contrast, an undeniable breach of good cafe etiquette), but that is but a working hypothesis. Thus far there have been no altercations resulting from differing attitudes to table selection timing. Work continues.

margaret have any buns been thrown?

Live reporting

I always do it somewhere like M and S cafe, send DD or DP off to grab a table, sugar, knives or napkins. We've always done it in our family since I was a kid and we'd go to Woolies cafe for a fruit cocktail jelly as a treat.

Thanks for the live update Margaret!